Duck Speaks Out on the Economy

Mounting a presidential campaign is not for the faint of heart nor pocketbook.  This is why most politicians come from the wealthiest gene-pools financially speaking while encouraging moral bankruptcy.  In keeping with that tradition, Winnie and Duck have begun making cage-rattling calls to their supporters who are responding with bucket loads of cash.  According to Koch Industries spokesperson, Miss Georgia Pacific, Duck’s campaign has already put the touch on the Koch brothers for an undisclosed figure in exchange for granting exclusive rights to mow-down all our national parks.  With the national forests leveled, there will be no need for the National Park Service, therefore saving every American taxpayers a whole dollar each.

Monday marks the launch of Duck D. Duck’s national book tour titled ‘Duck Confit Dental.’  Advance orders have books flying off the shelves before they’re even printed.  The main premise of the book outlines Duck’s plan to convert all the wood taken from our national parks into pulp so she can print more money – thus tearing a page from modern Greece’s economic model.

Speaking on behalf of the presidential hopeful, Ms. Winifred P. Jumpingbean let it leak to the press that once elected, Ms Duck will end the Bush-era tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans and replace them with no taxes at all on the upper two percentile.  She explains how this will boost the economy and take the burden off the middleclass by selling seniors and the unemployed to China to do with them what they will.  Duck, who is not fond of the word “trafficking” prefers to think of it as a worker “redistribution” program.  This program will both lower the unemployment rate while replacing precious entitlement funds back into the greasy palms of government to abuse, ignoring the outstretched hands of those who’ve actually paid into these safety nets.

Last week at the Republican’t National Conference, Duck D, Duck, heading the Long Island Ice Tea Party delegation stood-up for her principals by saying “For the past decade, we’ve been shipping-off perfectly good healthy young people to die in the Middle East, and it’s cost us a fortune.  Instead, let’s ship America’s elderly and unemployed to China to pay-down our debt, knowing America’s indigent and elderly will be served exotic cuisine and offered some sort of shelter.”

- Dissociated Press, 6/18/11

3 thoughts on “Duck Speaks Out on the Economy

  1. What's happening Beihl? Nine days, and there were no comments here. I've been busy getting a new quarter at ITT started, along with Work Study (yay, money!) otherwise I'd have spoken earlier. My blogs have had no activity either. So it must be something in the air?
    As for the rest, it'd be funnier if I didn't think the Ratpublican't were considering plans to cut down every tree on the planet to make paper, tooth picks, yachts for themselves, and firewood for "atmosphere" when on (permanent) vacation, and would ship anyone over age 65, or over age 25 and under $10,000,000 per annum income.
    I am so disgusted lately with our politicians. Well, ours in name only. The governor of Texas has decided to "celebrate" the signing of Equal Marriage into law in New York, as well as gay pride day, by holding a "prayer event" that is being orchestrated by the "American Family Association", a well known anti-gay hate group, and invited the governors of the other 49 states to join him in prayer.
    Two things about this:
    1) what ever happened to "separation of Church and state"?
    2) With so much speculation that he plans to run for President, does he really think that alienating so many Americans, either those opposed to prayer, the entire LGBTQ community, or those who support them, will get him there??
    But then, he IS from Texas, and, outside of Duck D. Duck we don't expect intelligence out of Texas.
    They used to say, in the military "Only thing comes out of Texas is steers and queers, and I don't see no horns on you!", replace 'queers' with morons, and your are damn right. Let's force Mexico to take Texas back so the average IQ of the nation will go up 15 points. Then let then make an offer on Kansas so it'd go up another 18 points.
    Either that, or our next political step will involve the Second Amendment and a guillotine. The Cons have GOT to go.

  2. Mark – I've been discouraged lately. So much so that I couldn't find the "funny" in me to do a WinnieToon. I need to get past this, but there's so much crap going on in my life that all I can do is feel immobile. I'll snap out of it. I'm glad you dropped a note. I thought this entry was one of my best in ages. It got a lot of comments on Facebook, but not on the blog.

    I need to get away from Google BlogSpot. It sucks, it malfunctions, it won't let me advertise. It blows, and to ad insult to injury they advertise to ME on my dashboard, but won't let me advertise or choose to opt out of ads from neo-cons. I'm feeling just about beaten these days.

  3. I know what you mean about being discouraged. As I told a friend today, I feel that the US is an experiment that failed, due to the stupidity of so many voters lately, and the dishonesty of our elected officials. I am fighting some serious anger and "blues"
    There are other blog sites, non-Google based, out there. Do what you need to, to be happy.
    My blog, and Shadows are running a constant zero for hits. It leaves me feeling discouraged, since I have had a lot to say lately. Just nobody seems to want to hear it. The truth sux sometimes.

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