Duck D. Duck Sweeps the Iowa Straw Poll

Long Island Ice Tea Party candidate, Duck D. Duck stunned her critics by sweeping the Iowa Straw Poll this evening where delegates ate deep-fried butter while denouncing Obama Care.  Guns, God and trailor-trash cuisine were on everyone’s minds as cholesterol clogged the thought-processes of people not known for deep thinking – only for deep frying.

Duck D. Duck’s campaign manager, Winifred P. Jumpingbean expressed concern that “many Iowa voters will not live ’til election day 2012 if they went-on eating deep-fried Snickers Bars wrapped in bacon.”  She went on to say how candidate Duck D. Duck blew the competition out of the water by reminding voters during the debates how Ms Duck had sponsored the “Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act” while dictating in no uncertain terms what perfect strangers may or may-not do with what they have between their own legs.



Fried foods and inefficient lighting framed the central theme of Duck’s campaign platform, all but eclipsing God Father Pizza CEO, Herman Cain, who managed to give-out only 3 slices of pizza to the largely white crowd – due to their lack of familiarity seeing people of other races handling food outside of the kitchen.


Duck beat-out such formidable opponents as Rick Sanitarium who feels boosted by the 10% vote of no-confidence displayed by straw-pollsters most of whom are even less coherent than himself.  Tim Pawlenty, now millions of dollars in debt, is rethinking his campaign slogan of “Good ‘n Pawlenty.”  Ron Paul packed-up his lack of marbles and went home taking his libertine values with him.


Pundits suspect tomorrow night when Duck D. Duck squares off at an Iowa fund-raiser with anti-American secessionist, Rick Perry – Sarah Palin will mud-wrestle Tanya Harding in a desperate cry for attention.


- Dissociated Press, 8/13/2011

3 thoughts on “Duck D. Duck Sweeps the Iowa Straw Poll

  1. What a birthday gift – the gift of self generated humor at the expense of the Religious Reich. The Straw Poll to vote for a Straw Man. What, then, is the point of a non-binding pay-per-ballot straw poll? Has our electoral process degenerated to the "county fair" level now? I am really beginning to think we need to have an intelligence test to be able to vote, and an ethics test added to that to be able to run!

  2. How would one go about administering an ethics test? I'm all for it. I understand one of the greatest fears of our founding fathers was the concept of stupidity swaying the electorate.

  3. Hmm,, simplest ethics test, have a corporate boss come up and offer a "campaign contribution" if they accept, they FAIL.
    And as for the Founding Fathers fear that stupid would overtake the electorate, BobbleHead Bachmann and Caribou Barbie are proof that their fears have been realized.

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