The 2011 Year End Cavalcade of 52 of Our Most Embarrassing Moments.
Before we get to 2011, what better way to bewilder ourselves than starting with a reprise of a 2010 post acknowledging how Dick Cheney and Zsa Zsa Gabor are for some unexplainable reason still alive – while most decent American citizens still have to wait until 2014 for basic healthcare to kick-in.
John Boenher proved the job as Speaker of the House was much larger than his abilities — most recently bungling an ill-advised effort to block the Payroll Tax-cut for Middle Class Americans while trying to make the tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy permanent.
Nothing better typified 2011 than political bickering and in-fighting over everything from income inequality to body-blocks coming from the right-wing to prevent social equality.
In 2011, we bid a fond farewell to Glenn Beck’s bat-shit crazy FOX news program, rendering him among the living dead. He’s still alive, but no one notices or cares.
The Texas Board of Distorted-Education, who mysteriously control all the available texts purchased for every school in the United States, decided to downplay the roles of Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin because Jefferson and Franklin were ‘Deists’ and not ‘lock-step’ Christians. George Washington was a Deist too, but they decided to just make-up suitable factoids about him. Besides, it’s really, really difficult to rename the capital.
Michele Backmann succeeded in eclipsing Sarah Palin as the nations most ill-informed dunderhead seeking political office well above the limitations of her own miniscule intellect. Who knew there was someone even more historically confused than Sarah Palin? The Republicans trotted-out a whole truckload of ‘em who we’ll visit later-on in this embarrassment of riches.
2011 saw a record number of financial difficulties, worldwide — including Greece’s economic turmoil which threatened to topple the Euro, further endangering American economic interests. Meanwhile, Tea Party freshman House Republicans stonewalled raising the ‘debt ceiling’ while not comprehending exactly what the debt-ceiling IS. They just didn’t like the sound of it. Period.
2010’s catastrophic Supreme Court folly known as ‘Citizens United’ (more aptly named ‘Corporations United’) gave rise to the 2011 political ‘super-pacs’ where anonymous money could be used to bolster the campaigns of politicians who were neatly tucked into the pockets of corporate interests – thus shifting loyalties away from their constituents to the greater task of convoluting laws so as to benefit the corporations who’d mysteriously funded their campaigns.
‘Citizens (A.K.A. Corporations) United’ gave way to a floodgate of shadow contributions inspiring Duck D. Duck to run for president through the Long Island Ice Tea Party Super-pac – shown here in Charo-drag, pandering to the growing Latino vote.
With the earlier historic passage of Barack Obama’s signature health care plan – disrespectfully known as ‘ObamaCare’ – came a flurry of 2011th hour increases in medical premiums and copay’s in order to beat the 2014 compliance deadlines. And the usury continues to increase exponentially everyday since. Get-in the greed while you can…
With great power comes tremendous tension which therefore leads to a natural need for “releasing” that tension. Political figures having extra-marital sex is nothing new – in fact it’s commonplace. Anthony Weiner, using his other hand, has the distinction of never having technically had sex outside his marriage – only technologically texting pictures of his junk to women who texted-back pictures of theirs. Sounds like safe-sex to me.
On the subject of boring sex, there was a royal wedding this year, and I for one couldn’t care less. Frankly I’m surprised the British have enough collective pulse left, let alone heterosexual men to go through with the deed. Long live the queens.
While the royals were getting married, world-class dirtball and slime-merchant, Rupert Murdock was merrily hacking into royal and celebrity cellphones to harvest whatever smarmy gossip he could spoon feed to the defunct ‘News of the World’ — and his other equally distorted news-entertainment rumor machines like the FOX News Channel. ‘Fairly unbalanced’ doesn’t begin to cover it.
With Royal Weddings still fresh on our minds, queens are now allowed to marry queens – at least in New York State, making it the 6th state to sanction legal gay marital unions. The divorce lawyers are already rubbing their hind legs together with financial glee.
While we’re discussing ‘old queens,’ Pope Benedickhead beatified j2p2 in an effort to draw attention away from a growing number of Catholic clergy sex-scandals, not to mention the Vatican’s complicity in a Mafia ATM money-machine laundering scheme. Saints be praised.
On an even darker side of ‘faith’ congenital idiot, Harold Camping raked-in millions from the faithful with his 2nd unsuccessful realization of ‘Rapture.’ A small town in Kansas was devastated by a tornado that same day, but it is widely believed to be a coincidence, and not the wrath of God.
2011 saw it’s fair share of tyrants fall from grace, not the least of which is Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin, who styled himself after Egyptian dictator, Hosni Mubarak. Walker now faces eminent recall. The so called ‘Arab Spring’ started when Tunisian dictator Ben Ali was ousted, leaving even Donald Trump feeling uneasy about his own empire.
While Barack Obama was ‘dissing’ the Donald at the White House Press Club Dinner, covert forces on Obama’s orders were in the ready to ‘take-out’ Osama Bin Laden — a task that George Bush in his infinite incompetence attempted by way of the loss of countless thousands of lives — citizens, soldiers and innocent bystanders worldwide — bearing a financial cost of TRILLIONS of dollars and counting, plunging the world into an economic depression – OR recession if you’re hopelessly optimistic. The exact figure increases every millisecond – check-out this numeric-ticker website if you want your hair to stand on end: http://costofwar.com/en/ By the way, Bin Laden had quite the stash of pornography, not something exactly sanctioned by Sharia Islamic law. Look carefully and you can see him ‘tenting’ his gown.
The most colorful tyrannical loss of 2011 was Muammar Gadiffi, who had no less than 16 accepted spellings of his name. His loss to the fashion community is comparable only to that of Alexander McQueen. Kim Jung Il, while crazy and dead, had no real fashion-sense.
Gaddafi deserves more than one mention, when it was discovered the flamboyant dictator had a raging hard-on for Condoleezza Rice. Eewwee…
People like to complain how Obama doesn’t get upset enough – as if hysterics are going to improve anything. I like the ‘no-drama Obama.’ He’s a rare bird in the world political theater. But citizens across the nation were heartened when Obama gave a rousing populist speech in Osawatomie, Kansas – where T.R. himself once gave his most stirring populist address. More importantly, Duck looks fabulous in Teddy-drag.
Of all the blog posts appearing on WinnieToons this past year – this one is my personal favorite. The Obama supporters of 2008 are one naive bunch of dreamers. In my not-so-humble opinion, the accompanying essay that appeared with this illustration just might explain what disillusioned Obama supporter so desperately need to learn. This is how the game really works…
The housing crisis continued to ulcerate in the guts of homeowners from coast to coast, with banking chicanery leaving a record 1,394,839 families wondering if they need to stake-out their own personal park bench now before the rush begins. Bare in mind ‘We the People’ bailed-out these same mortgage banks – all of whom awarded bonuses and golden parachutes to the said-same individuals who need to be wearing ankle bracelets and awaiting sentencing.
While so many Americans never dreamed such devastating financial calamity would visit their lives, they are nevertheless grateful to be on food-stamps and welfare. Meanwhile chic sidewalk cafe’s and pricy 4 star restaurants did a land-office business serving plates full of nothing. Both rich and poor alike got nothing to eat.
Cut me a break with the misplaced-modifier. The world population DID hit seven-billion with the birth of a single child in Indonesia in 2011. The global population is expected to reach ten-billion in 2020 while religious fanatics fight tooth and nail to prevent birth control measures. The planet cannot support this many people. We will most certainly be facing water and grain riots which have already begun in 3rd world countries.
Exacerbating world water and grain riots is the retarded pursuit of ‘fracking.’ Fracking is a low-return access to natural gas resources that unalterably poisons vast reservoirs of clean drinking-water below the level of the Marcellus shale – further using millions of gallons of water laced with toxic chemicals such as lead to complete the drilling effort, resulting in an environmental disaster which is expected to take 500 to a 1000 years to bio-degrade. This practice is on a dramatic rise — as is childhood cancer in adjacent communities.
Shortly before the Fukashima Nuclear Power Plant in Japan was irreparably compromised by an earthquake and tsunami, congenital idiot and House Majority Whip, Eric Cantor of Virginia proposed a “laxing” of federal safety standards for antiquated nuclear power plants in America. A month later a 6.0 earthquake struck with it’s epicenter in Cantor’s own district, only miles from one of Virginia’s questionable antique nuclear power plants. This only served to cement Cantor’s resolve to repeal nuclear safety standards. Sheer genius… for a super-villain.
Even as the aftershocks of our ‘jarring’ 6.0 earthquake were still being felt, Hurricane Irene ripped her way up the eastern seaboard (yes, including Cantor’s Virginia) proving how vulnerable we all are to the caprices of nature. Thankfully the cast of the Jersey Shore were all safe filming in Tuscany destroying international relations with Italy.
As if fracking, earthquakes and unpredictable hurricanes weren’t enough, Republicans were trying to hold the $1,000 Middle Class Payroll Tax Cut hostage by pork-rolling the Keystone Pipeline spanning Canada to the despoiled Gulf Coast a part of the tax-break legislation. Say what…?!!!
The ‘Occupy Wall Street Movement’ almost felt like the protests of the 1960’s and early ’70’s when a genuine grass-roots movement railing against corporate greed, scared the pants off the Koch brother’s AstroTurf-funded Tea Party.
The ‘Occupy Movement’ drew attention to the reality that 2011 is pretty similar to 1911, full of social unrest and economic inequity. Like it or not, Occupy changed the dialogue. Even Bank of America stopped fleecing customers for a fee to access their own money.
Truth to tell, the Occupy people were non-violent, which can’t be said for the blunderings of large city mayors and police officials, resulting in a strengthening of the movement — which is precisely what authorities sought to squash. No one learns from history.
Peaceful ‘Occupy’ protestors were maced, beaten and physically dragged-away to maintain the “prettiness” of American cities. Even members of the clergy and an Iraq War veteran weren’t spared the violent, blundering stupidity of inept officials.
As the season got colder and the warmth of Christmas approached, deranged shoppers, desperate to get the latest X-Box for their loved ones took a ‘tip’ from local police forces, and maced other shoppers in the spirit of the season.
Pope Benedickhead in a futile effort to mimic Christ’s compassion for the poor, endorsed the ‘Occupy Movement’ – from a safe and sanitary distance.
Saving the best for last, we now will take an in-depth look at the Republican Primaries, sizing-up who might best be Barack Obama’s political opponent in 2012. First there was Donald Trump who runs again and runs-away again, never really meaning to ever be taken seriously. He’s a buffoon, and even he knows it deep down inside.
For a while, in transparent desperation, frantic Republicans tried to draft Chris Christie to run for president, as an alternative to Mitt Romney, but Christie hadn’t finished destroying New Jersey yet.
In time all hopes of Chris Christie had vaporized into hot-air, much like Jersey’s other famous dirigible, the Hindenburg.
Mitt Romney is the perfect ‘made for TV’ president. Not a hair out of place, and able to deliver any kind of line, true or false whether he believes his own words or not. He’s more suited for to be cast as the attractive older husband in a Zales anniversary tennis bracelet ad than that of a world leader.
Then along came Rick Perry doing his Josh Brolin impersonation of George W. Bush, and it was a battle of the perfect coifs between 2 candidates neither of whom are fit to form coherent sentences, let alone be elected the leader of the free world.