SPECIAL REPORT: Rumors Fly About the Birth of the New Royal Heir

Typical royal watcher.

There is next to nothing to say about the British royal family except: “who gives a flying fuck?” What actual purpose do these entitled, spoiled people serve and why? Does the Queen of England secrete some sort of sweet nectar or royal jelly that feeds either Parliament or the proletariat? It’s all too much like some weird insect colony. I just can’t relate.

Why is there so much buzz about the new royal baby? People have babies everyday. It’s no big deal other than I’m told it’s like passing a kidney stone times infinity. You know what’s amazing? A woman having a child and then returning to the fields or rice paddy and finishing an entirely different day’s labor. I hear all this fluff on the news about how previous royal wives have really had to “sweat it” trying to pump out a male heir–as if Kate Middleton was Wonder Woman. And along comes The Crown Royal Act of 2013 which makes it irrelevant as to the gender of the heir to the British throne–and the fates deliver a male child any way. Historically speaking Q.E. Two would never have been queen if she’s had a brother.

Something tells me this dude, hairdresser, Richard Ward isn’t the royal daddy.

All this chatter about this child is crazy-making. Important things are happening throughout the world, and the news media is transfixed on the progeny of the uber-priveliged. I don’t wish the royal family any ill-will, but I don’t really give a rat’s ass about them either. I awoke this morning to the news that Kate Middleton’s hairdresser had been spied entering St. Mary’s Hospital. Really…?!!! That was the lead story of the day in a dysfunctional world on the verge of continual chaos and collapse? I suppose the royal birth for some serves as a respite from the depressing realities that plague us all–but then again the most transfixed royal watchers probably aren’t paying a whole lot of attention to the real issues.

A giant insect lands on the head of the expectant royal mother where imperial eggs are left to hatch.

I hope baby king whatever-his-name will live a long, happy and healthy life. And that he uses his celebrity to bring about the betterment of society at large–like his late grandmother, Diana. Otherwise there is no earthly reason for the obscene wealth and lavish lifestyle these exceeding silly people enjoy, simply because they happen to have a royal bloodline. Now can we get back to focusing on what really matters? Probably not.

– Disassociated Press, 7/23/2013


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6 thoughts on “SPECIAL REPORT: Rumors Fly About the Birth of the New Royal Heir

  1. I would REALLY like to know more about the new King crowned in Belgium yesterday. Has just as much impact on American life and politics as some spoiled Royal Brit. NONE! As a Frenchman, we did away with the whole “Royal” thing in 1792, and have been a much better nation because of it. Time the US got rid of their addiction to Royalty too.

    • In all fairness, it has been pointed out to me (and rightfully) that Kate and William (his name is William isn’t it? I suppose I could go look it up) do their best to shun the press attention given the tragic history involving his mother, Diana. That said, I think the entire anointed royal thing is a waste of money spent better in other ways. But I’d say the very same thing about anyone from the upper 2% of the VERY upper 2%.

  2. “What actual purpose do these entitled, spoiled people serve and why?”

    Well, yes, but . . . a guy from UK pointed out to me that what the royalty does is separate devotion to the lifetime head of state (the monarch) from less elevated setiments toward the chief executive (the prime minister) who can be voted out any time, whereas in the US we treat the chief executive (ye Prez) as if he were a monarch.

    That said, in a world full of real problems and real news, the fuss over one baby (over all other babies) is a bit hard to justify!

    • Agreed. But America has so many royals: Take the Kardashians for example. PLEASE. Take the Kardashians far, far away.

      • Take the Kardashian’s, ALL reality show cast members, sports figures, Royalty of ANY nation, but Britain in particular, and that THING on Donald Trumps head, and find a DEEP DEEP hole to bury them in.

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