With the Pope stepping down today, the question on everyone’s lips is: How is this going to effect the Pontiff’s spring fashion outlook? In answer to that question, WinnieToons is offering our new commemorative Pope Emeritus paper dolls to celebrate Benedict XVI’s final day as the leader of the faithfully confused. We have barely scratched the surface here. The possibilities are endless and life is short. The Pope Emeritus will no longer be wearying his $20,000 a pair red Prada shoes—those will be handed over to Pope Hammertoes XIII who is yet to be chosen by the infallible technique of reading the color of the smoke from the Vatican barbeque grille.
With the Pope’s new position, there come inevitable changes in fashion outlook. Pictured above is the “Catholic Girls School Uniform Look” with a special nod toward the late Dawn Davenport. The ensemble can also be worn with curlers.
Pictured above is a more “nostalgic” look for the former Joseph Ratzinger. This ensemble is best worn with no pants or a simple pair of (preferably) opaque tights. This look is inspired by the Pope’s formative years as a “Brown Shirt” back in the good old days when he answered directly to an even darker Lord. Small wonder he was known as the “Rottweiler of the Vatican.” He got his training early in life.
While there will still be formal events at the Vatican, Benedict will no longer be wearing the customary embroidered robes we’ve come to expect from him. Gone will be the fly-away capes and faux-hawk he ushered into style. Instead he’ll be taking a tip from Scarlett O’Hara’s costume at Miss Melly’s birthday party—that way he can still steal the show while wearing something that displays his fine, broad shoulders.
The simple gown pictured above will be the Pope’s first time wearing vintage Ballenciaga. The gown was purchased at the Vatican thrift shop, now that his Holiness must be more thrifty since he’s no longer the Lord’s mouthpiece here on earth.
What new collection would be complete without a lounging outfit for evenings at home engaged in self-flagellation? This pink lace teddy is woven completely from human hair and has decorative sprigs of nettles worked into the back to insure maximum discomfort during prayers of contrition.
For daily ready-to-wear, the Pontiff Emeritus may wear this smart green tunic while pretending to be one of Santa’s elves. On kinkier and more free spirited days, his Holiness may don this red and yellow jumper (on the right)—inspired by those weird costumes Michelangelo designed to make the Vatican guards feel like a bunch of self-conscious, embarrassed carnival clowns. You’ll note that this outfit calls for being accessorized with a red pump with a low, stacked heel. Let’s not kid ourselves, we all know he’ll keep at least one pair of red pumps if only to vex his successor.
For trips into town Benedict will need to keep a low profile so as to dodge the paparazzi and the parents of Catholic school children who might want to have a word or two with him. This simple but chic ensemble is just the look required. Who wouldn’t accept a poison apple from someone wearing such a stunning silhouette? Watch for these and other Pope inspired fashions to soon become available at a Walmart somewhere near you.
– Disassociated Press, 2/28/2013