The Gingrinch Who Stole Mitt Romney’s Christmas

The far right might not be getting what they want for Christmas this year, but it appears they’re about to get exactly what they deserve.  This past Saturday night while some stations were rerunning classic old holiday chestnuts, the most frightening pre-Christmas special was airing on ABC: The Iowa Republican Primary Debate.  The centerpiece of that debate was the jolly old elf himself, Newt Gingrinch.  A scary concept to sane Republicans and Democrats alike.

At one time the the smart money was on Mitt Romney needing only to outlast the other freaks on the GOP political midway, and the nomination was his to loose.  No one honestly believed Michele Bachmann was presidential material.  And Rick Perry’s reindeer-in-headlights debate performances eliminated him even in the eyes of the most dimwitted prospective voter.  Herman Cain provided a wealth of political levity, and he will be greatly missed by humorists worldwide.  But no one ever believed Cain would be an ‘able’ president.  Poor Rick Santorum has almost as much trouble cobbling together a sentence as Rick Perry, and Ron Paul’s ‘out-there’ libertarian rhetoric makes me wonder if he’s huffing helium.  All Romney thought he had to do was look like a suit-model, never perspire in public, and the prize was his for the taking.

Too bad Mitt isn’t the right flavor of vanilla for blood-thirsty Obama detractors who were willing to toss Romney aside, even for a discontinued flavor like black-walnut.  Mitt, is more than just dull and ‘richly’ out of touch, he’s a member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints, which doesn’t set well with evangelicals.  Mitt will never win the hearts of the crowd who loves to hate in the name of Jesus.  Those folks will settle for nothing less than Satan himself – and now they’ve got him – like it or not.  Does any rational thinking person seriously believe Newt Gingrich has found Christ in his conversion to Catholicism?  Newt hasn’t changed his spots, only his strategy, knowing how much the gullible love a good story of redemption – be it true or false.

Newt is crushing Romney with double digit poll numbers while evangelicals sell their souls to the devil in hopes of deposing a fair-minded, intelligent – no, make that brilliant – black man from retaining the presidency.  I refuse to believe this country is stupid enough to actually elect Newt Gingrich when it comes down to the wire – but then again I tried not to believe they’d reelect George W. Bush – so all bets are off.  The idea of President Newt should frighten the living-daylights off both sides of the aisle.  That said, in the general election – which is only an abstract-concept in the minds of ideological GOP primary voters – Mitt Romney is far more palatable than a scoundrel like Newt Gingrich.  

What we need to remember, is doing what’s right has no bearing on the GOP collective mindset.  Nor is doing what’s right for the country an issue with that same-said voting block.  So it seems Mitt Romney won’t get what he wants for Christmas, but the entire Republican Party will get one hellish, glowing lump of red-hot coal in their stockings come Christmas morning…

…However, something tells me Barack Obama’s Christmas gift might be exactly what he wished-for:  An unelectable devil in a Santa suit for his 2012 presidential opponent.  Sweet.  Sweet as a red, white and blue candy-cane.

3 thoughts on “The Gingrinch Who Stole Mitt Romney’s Christmas

  1. ah, beihl. never underestimate the stupidity of the american voter. remember that a vast majority of republicans have been brainwashed by daily doses of pox news into thinking their party is the party of god. any republican candidate must therefore have been sent by god. democrats want to abort and eat your babies. didn't you get the robocall telling you this? watch them dutifully flock to the polls to vote for something unpleasantly newty.

  2. I'm trying to think of Newt as the candidate who fractures the party and inadvertently reelects Obama in the process – but we're talking about a party who try to retrofit ancient mythology into contemporary life. Who knows what these tragically stupid voters will do to bring disaster to come crashing-down all around of our ears.

  3. ZBeihl, never underestimate the power of stupid people in vast throngs, to bring even the best and brightest to their knees, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

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