Whatever Will We do This Holiday Season?

 Whatever will we do to entertain ourselves with the republican debates behind us and the Christmas holidays yet to come?  I’m not a huge fan of holiday TV specials, except for the year Claudine Longet appeared fresh from prison on the ‘Andy Williams Family Christmas Special’ after she’d shot and killed ski-pro Spider Sabich.  Now THAT was ‘must-see TV.’  But those were simpler times.

Michele Bachmann will be going home to ‘pray-away the gay’ in hopes that her husband is actually straight.  Mitt Romney will have to figure out how to get life-sized sports cars’s into all his many children’s stockings.  Rick Perry will be throwing the switch on a Christmas tree-shaped pyramid of potentially innocent death row inmates, lighting them-up for all to enjoy.   We know Rick Santorum will not be spending his holiday feeding the poor.  Most certainly Newt Gingrich will be buying-out the entire floor at Tiffany’s for his wife Callista.  And no one gives a crap what Ron Paul does with his holiday.  In a perfect world Herman Cain’s family gathering would be telecast as a reality TV program.  You know he’s getting a black-walnut lump of coal in his stocking this year.  Oh, to be a fly on that wall…

It’ll be a blue, blue Christmas without them.  

I’m going to miss all of the the Republican hopeful’s and their “zany” antics – but on the bright side – which ever one of them is deemed to be the worst, the most unpalatable, the most embarrassing and the most illogical; will be anointed to represent the party of greed supplying endless sound-bites for all of next year’s vicious, overbearing political campaign ads.  We have so much to be thankful for – and to look forward-to.


This Christmas, I’m thankful for Duck D. Duck’s courage in taking the bull-by-the-horns and becoming the Long Island Ice Tea Party Candidate.  Someone needed to represent the inebriated.  In fact, Duck’s Christmas present for Winnie and me, just arrived in the mail today special delivery.  She sent delicious dog treats for Winnie, (I’ve tried them) and 3 lovely, thoughtful bags of ‘Old Fashioned Common Sense Throwin’ Gravel’ directly from Texas.  This product can be used to toss right in the eyes of your enemies, as it boasts on the packaging.  Not to mention it outsold the “Pet Rock” in Europe – very ‘Continental.’   I can hardly wait for my first arrest after using it, but I’ll have to use it sparingly, because there are so many idiots out there who need a face-full gravel.   Thank you, Duck, I will cherish that gravel right-up until someone posts bond.

Duck D. Duck’s thoughtful gift in the spirit of the season.

5 thoughts on “Whatever Will We do This Holiday Season?

  1. enjoy it all, beihl, and save some of those snax for winnie. now i have to don that red suit you sent me and get to drinkin'. they don't call them 'holidaze' for nothin'.

  2. In the spirits of the HolidaZe may we all find Southern Comfort and joy. As Jim Beam warms the roast, and his cousin José makes tacos, mama and I are talking to Captain Morgan who's just returned from a trip round the bend(er).
    The shot glasses were set on the mantle with care, in the hopes that St. Smirnoff soon would be there.
    I could go on, but the egg nog is ready, and after the last, I can't hold my glass steady.
    MERRY YULE TO ALL – AND HAVE A HAPPY HANG-OVER!

  3. I'll work up the whole Holidaze Bar Tab (Visit from Some Spirits) soon, and post it on my blog, before Yule, or before Christmas, or before I pass out, whatever.

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