All I Want for Christmas is My Two-bit Thief (clapped in irons)

Duck’s ankle length orange boots are from Christian-Louboutin.  Her iridescent tangerine lips-gloss courtesy of Guerlain, Paris. She knows how to dress for a sting.

Indulge me here  – yeah, I know – it ‘ain’t nevah gonna happen’ – but the fantasy alone warms the cockles of my heart.  Just picture it… Dick Cheney clapped in irons and led to face charges for crimes in a third world country.  A country that in fact operates on a different electrical system than ours.  They’d have to bring special 120V AC/DC adapters to hook-him-up to the life support he so undeservedly receives (in large part through American tax-payer “generosity”.)


That scum-sucking, thieving dirtball has the best health insurance in the world while being the least worthwhile recipient I can imagine.  Far finer souls die from preventable diseases everyday – like in Arizona, where republican governor, Jan Brewer has actually set-up a ‘death panel’ to weed-out financially needy organ-transplant patients based on their ability to pay in favor of the rich.  The same party that warned of death panels is in reality the first in line to rush and implement their lack of humanity — but once again I digress…

Dick Cheney isn’t being sought out by Interpol because he and Georgie, (the ass puppet) made decisions which effectively ended thousands upon thousands of lives in senseless wars.  Nor are they after him for the role he played in the destruction of the ecosystem in the Gulf of Mexico.  They’re not after him for his contributions to the collapse of the world economy, or the Valerie Plame ‘covert-spy’ outing — or for illegally invading a sovereign nation without provocation.  Not even the Enron scandal or Blackwater‘s crimes.  Maybe human-rights violations?  Wrong again.  Abu Grabe?  No — Cheney isn’t being sought for any of the countless despicable acts that have come so naturally as to define him.  Interpol’s warrant for Dick Cheney stems from a bribery scandal to secure offshore drilling rights off the coast of Nigeria — before he was even the vice president — or president of vice — it works either way.

I have it on good authority from the Prince of Nigeria, as well the son of the president of Nigeria and the Minister of Finance himself that their nation is in dire financial straights.  Even our WinnieToons email address gets countless daily pleas for us to wire them funds – or better yet, supply them with our direct bank account number so they can retrieve fortunes being withheld by dark, evil forces.  Who could that BE but Dick Cheney?  It’s sad when the royalty and aristocracy of a once proud nation are forced to beg for financial assistance from a man like me living below poverty-level on food stamps, 5332 miles away…  I am assured I will receive a hefty reward for my generosity (which as you may have already guessed will never be forthcoming).

I wasn’t born yesterday.

Nigeria is one of the most corrupt countries in the world, making it a more than fertile environment for the likes of Dick Cheney and his cronies to thrive.  When I heard scientists had found a bacteria that lives off arsenic, I immediately assumed it had to be Dick Cheney or a member of his family.

Liz perhaps…she’s pretty toxic.

Dick Cheney is the Machiavelli of our times.  Even if he dies, they’ll merely toss his corpse into the freeze-drier unit alongside the pitiful remains of Walt Disney — perhaps to thaw them both out just in time for ‘Rapture‘.  Well best of luck to you, Nigeria.  I hope you nail his ass, and make him a prison-bitch to some strapping tattooed buck for the remainder of his worthless days.

But I won’t be holding my breath.

Perhaps WikiLeaks or even George W. Bush’s latest fictional dramady, “Pointless Decisions” might offer additional evidence.  And when you’re done dickin’ with Dickie, deliver whatever’s left of him to the Hague.

But as I said, don’t hold your breath.  Some villains always manage to escape justice.

4 thoughts on “All I Want for Christmas is My Two-bit Thief (clapped in irons)

  1. as far as the death panel hypocrisy goes, that's typical of the republican m.o. – accuse their opponents of what is already (or soon to be) republican procedure.

    on another note: oh, no, that bitch cheney did *not* wear the same color as i did. oh, no he didn't.

  2. Oh to dream the impossible dream. Hey if they do convict him, just plug his pacemaker into a 220 volt circuit and let 'er rip! R.I.P. to Cheney! Can we ship the Shrub and Palin along with him?

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