The Pope in Cuba, Playing With Dolls and Giving the Sacraments With Blessed Piña Coladas

Pope Benedicthead left Mexico for Cuba today for three days of sun, serfs and the best Cuban cigars.  He hopes his visit will point out the many similarities between communism and Roman Catholic church.  Both rely heavily on brain-washing and both afford lavish lifestyles to those in the seat of power.

Castro II will meet with Benedicthead XVI this afternoon for piña coladas and compare jovial stories about communism and the Pope’s own early boyhood experiences dabbling in fascism.  There’s no word as to whether retired leader, Fidel Castro will be meeting with the pope.  Castro the elder was quoted as saying, “If I need tips on preserving sainted bodies under glass, I’ll tap my contacts in Moscow.”  However, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, will be seeing the Pope while receiving cancer treatments in Havana and believes a little Catholic mumbo-jumbo can’t possibly hurt now that the Venezuelan dictator realizes he’s mortal and totally spooked about it.

Benedicthead will be spending unsupervised time with the island’s patron saint, a diminutive doll-like figurine known as the Virgin of Charity of El Cobre.  What he intends to do with the doll is only a matter of speculation, but the Pope is known to carry large quantities of hat-pins at all times.  The pontiff will lead a Mass in honor of the Virgin in Santiago de Cuba celebrating the 400th anniversary of the statuette being found floating in the Bay of Pigs in 1612 by fishermen.  In reference to how the doll was found, an aged Fidel Castro said “Let that be a warning to the Pope if he mentions the squalor and economic disarray.  What’s he think this is, post-Bush America?”


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