Dick Cheney Gets a New Heart, Now All He Needs Is A Brain – the Courage – and to Click His Ruby Slippers Together

Dick Cheney got a new heart today.  Now all he needs is a brain… the courage and to click his heels together and go home.  Cheney, who was the former acting president under figurehead, George W. Bush, has undergone a heart transplant reportedly donated by a deceased person who didn’t vote for him, which was granted as a special request by the Cheney family.  Dick Cheney, who helped spread death worldwide among both humans and marine-life alike, was hoping his new ‘organ’ would come from fresh kill – preferably a democrat.  Currently serving as Satan’s representative here on earth, Cheney is recovering in a Virginia hospital, according to a spokes-slave answering to the Dark Lord of petrol-wars.

Cheney, 71, a Republican who served as acting president while George W Bush moved his lips, has had a long history of not knowing whether or not he had a heart.  All indications are he was born without one.  Most recently Cheney has been sucking the life out of American taxpayers to the tune of fifteen billion dollars and counting to keep himself alive — exceeding what it would cost to give universal health care coverage to every single decent American currently struggling to afford dental care.

A spokes-creature for Mr Cheney, unfolding his bat wings said the former VP was recovering especially well, especially as other individuals in the ER expired.  The former puppet-master was awakened by a bolt of lightening, causing him to belly-laugh with a dark, terrifying baritone voice that frightened the nursing staff and caused everyone else in intensive care to flat-line — further bolstering the vice president’s strength.  In a prepared statement the Cheney family denied any knowledge of missing persons who might be also be illegal aliens coincidentally matching Cheney’s own same blood type – (Chemical Formula: S8.)

Cheney, who suffered no less than five heart attacks beginning at age 37, has been kept artificially alive for 37 years in an effort to prove that universal health coverage is not cost effective unless you’re evil enough to deny it to others.  Beelzebub, when asked about Cheney’s miraculous recovery, was quoted as saying “I’m not prepared for that level of competition down here at this time — at least not until after the GOP Primary contest is decided” going on to express his demonic disappointment that Newt Gingrich hadn’t done better in the polls.  Nosferatu added, “While we’re all looking forward to Dick joining the team, but apparently he has not yet done enough damage to planet earth.  We wish him well in his future endeavors.”

- Dissociated Press, 3/24.2012 (a.k.a. – The Year of Mayan Global Destruction)


8 thoughts on “Dick Cheney Gets a New Heart, Now All He Needs Is A Brain – the Courage – and to Click His Ruby Slippers Together

    • I got so much hateful comments on Facebook about that post. (Mostly on other political sites.) Apparently neocons are unaware that Cheney (and Bush) can’t leave the country without facing arrest for international war crimes and crimes against humanity. They thought I was being uncharitable to an old man. Kripes…

    • , I do remember that the eoncomy broke under President George W. Bush. I remember the 800 million bailout was on the Bush Watch (and personally I think it was a good idea). I do remember that it was under the deregulation of the Bush-Clinton-Bush years that Enron and other companies were looted and the Savings and Loan Scandal happened pulling out the underpinnings of our eoncomy. I do remember that it was Vice-President Cheney and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld that brought us into a war we didn’t need and couldn’t afford in Iraq (a war that Pope Blessed John Paul II condemned and send Cardinal Laghi to ask President Bush not to conduct). I have watched partisan politics and I blame both parties for this tie up the House of Representatives and slow down economic recovery. (I am a professional economist who worked in the Reagan administration.) I have seen Republicans and Democrats stall important legislation only for the sake of party advantage and I find Speaker Boehner to have consistently put his political career ahead of economic recovery. Given the triumph of partisan politics over national well-being, I am surprised the eoncomy isn’t in worse shape. I’m not saying that Obama could not have done better but if you want to go after him politically we had better focus on the facts and not on rhetoric. Unbelievably we Republicans are going to have a tough fight for the White House. Obama wants Gingrich, he is too easy a target. Santorum not only won’t get the independents, he won’t get the moderates in the Republican Party. And Romney well, he’s the best shot but too namby-pamby. So we have to hit Obama hard, but with facts. The guy might be evil but he is no fool. (Satan never is.)

  1. Agreed – Hearts broken among the living, and blown through the chests of the dead. Cheney is the single most undeserving transplant recipient ever. My only hope is that it extends his life long enough to eventually face a war tribunal.

  2. Excellent post, very informative. I wonder why the opposite experts of this sector do not understand this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!|What’s Going down i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I am hoping to contribute & assist different users like its helped me. Great job.

  3. The American Political landscape has deteriorated over the past couple years due to lack of compromise. We need to rise up for our rights and take back our society from Big Pharma, Big Tobbacco, Big Insurance and really just big companies. It’s time for our elections to stop being purchased.

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