It can’t be true. Michele Bachmann will not be seeking reelection as the senator from Minnesota. Hopefully she will become a FOX News “expert contributor and analyst.” We can’t loose her yet–we’re not done laughing at her. So here are a dozen of our favorite verbal spewings from the inimitable Michele:
Note how Bachmann’s mind (or lack thereof) connects dots that aren’t there when she slammed Elton John: “Normalization homosexuality through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of The Lion King for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.'” Well said, Michele, gay people are extremely good at creative pursuits.
Drink-in her grasp of science and the environment: “Carbon dioxide, Mr. speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature. Carbon dioxide is natural. It occurs in Earth… Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful, but there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” Not so quick, Michele–it’s a deadly poison that causes greenhouse gases.
Take note of how skillfully she evoked local celebrities to connect with the people: “Well what I want them to know is just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.” – Spoken in the hometown of children’s party clown and serial killer of young boys, John Wayne Gacy.
Never one to pass up an illogical connection, Bachmann even thought disease could be blamed on liberal politicians: “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” Ahh, Michele, no one else other than she could damn so skillfully with feint praise.
While campaigning in New Hampshire, Michele said: What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love of liberty…You’re the state where the shot heard round the world in Lexington and Concord.” Lovely, except that “the shot heard round the world” was in Massachuttes.
“There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” OK, Michele, this one’s on you: Name one…. Unable to do so, she continued: “The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.”
Proving that Sen. Bachmann was not a racist but was also hip to the jive, she is quoted as saying to first black RNC National Committee Chairman: “Michael Steele! You be da man!” Well that did wonders to smooth over countless decades of racial marginalization. The black man with whom she is pictured is not Michael Steele, but don’t tell Michele–she won’t know the difference.
Never at a loss for material, Ms. Bachmann, merely made things up out of whole cloth: “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million dollars a day.” Not quite. The War in Afghanistan costs about $200 million a day. She knew she heard the figure somewhere so just why not pull it out of her ass as a factoid?
Since Michele’s girlish husband, Marcus, makes is living confusing conflicted gay people into trying to pretend they’re straight, Michele used her political celebrity to drum up a little business. “This is an earthquake issue. This will change our state forever. Because the immediate consequence, if gay marriage goes through, is that K-12 little children will be forced to learn that homosexuality is normal, natural and perhaps they should try it.” Actually Michele, most children do sexually experiment without any “prodding” from outside influences.
Her economic acumen was exceeded only by her compassion for the common working man and woman: “If we took away the minimum wage–if conceivably it was gone–we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”
After visiting Iraq she shared her experience in a way that everyday Americans could understand: “There’s a commonality with the Mall of America, in that it’s on that proportion. There’s marble everywhere. The other thing I remarked about was there is water everywhere.” (And not a drop to drink–we need one after that comment.)
Goodbye Bachmann, goodbye. Goodbye Bachmann don’t cry. We’ll miss you–but probably not for long. A media whore like you could never stop making a fool of herself on a grand scale. There’s money to be made in the trade of conservative idiocy, so rather than saying “farewell” – Let’s just leave it at “until we laugh again.”
– Disassociated Press, 5/30/2013
* * * * *
My book, An Early Work Late in Lifeis available through PixelPreserve for $29.95plus shipping and handling at:
* * * * *
And now for a shameless, self aggrandizing plug for my own art and my friend Michael’s new online game called ‘GuessThisPic’ There are various advertisers, and if you can guess the puzzle picture, you win an antique-style one-of-a-kind portrait Like the one picture to the left. It can be of you or a friend, and painted by none other than ME. Be sure to scroll down on the right hand side and see the video and the other images of my paintings:
To the left is a sample image of the kind of picture you need to decipher in order to win a prize. There are other puzzles and other prizes from different stores, vendors and services. The one I’m promoting just happens to feature my own artwork.