WinnieToons 2012 Year End Cavalcade of Embarrassments. Blog to Close at the Year’s End.

WinnieToons is going into retirement, and quietly bowing out. We’ve decided to leave the wonderful world of non-profit blogs, because, they’re, well unprofitable. The blog is “non-profit” because the Google freaks for four years now refuse to allow us to monetize. No reason, so human being to whom one can appeal. Just the simple word: “NO” via email auto-reply, end of sentence. Now Mark Zuckerfuck has added a “promote” option to Facebook in an effort to lose even more money for investors and any other sucker idiotic enough to give him funding. I’m not about to PAY Facebook to promote a blog that isn’t allowed to earn money. Prior to the the introduction of Facebook’s “promote” option WinnieToons saw about 100 visitors a day, and our record day for 2012 was 5,422 visitors on March 17th for a post titled, “Barack Obama Learned Early There’s a Lot Less Traffic on the High Road.” It’s been a good, four year run. It’s left us every bit as pocket poor as when we started, but we certainly got a lot off our chests in the process. Now, without further ado, here are fifty-two highlights from one fascinating year: 2012.

2012 started where 2011 left off with a clown car full of incompetent nitwits battling it out to become the GOP candidate for president.

Michele Bachmann’s inspirational rise to the national spotlight proved that even the intellectually challenged have an opportunity to rise to power.

Rick Santorum, while not the brightest bulb posed for any number of homosexual-thrilling photo-opps, from wearing a shocking pink suit to going down on a chocolate ice cream cone, the nation’s most infamous homophobe got in touch with his inner screaming queen.

Speaking of cleaning out the closet, Rick Perry all too willingly demonstrated his technique. There were far too many GOP hopefuls going down on phallic food to cover them all, but they all put something tubular in their mouths, leaving a bitter tasting in ours.

Newt Gingrich tried to reemerge as relevant while doing his level best to draw attention away from his past indiscretions and pass himself off as a religious family man who just happened to divorce two of his former wives once they became gravely ill.

On the subject of one wife too many, Mitt Romney’s Mormon family history came to light about how his ancestors defected away from America to preserve their family tradition of bigamy. So the man who wanted Mexican workers to “self-deport” was himself the son of a man (who also ran for president) but was born in Mexico. And yes, Obama was born in Hawaii.

Mitt Romney had his struggles in the South Carolina primary. But Tea party favorite, Senator Jim DeMint defected from his seat in the Senate to become the president of the Heritage Foundation, where he can do much more damage to America than he can from working within the government. Plus, now earn a whopping ONE MILLION DOLLARS per year or better.

Since 2012 was a presidential election year with a black incumbent president, the Republican Party, rather than accepting that America’s changing demographic is becoming increasingly cafe olé, sought to legalize voter suppression laws.

Eventual GOP presidential candidate, Mitt Romney failed to be forthcoming with his tax returns, as it is largely suspected he took advantage of a tax amnesty program in order to avoid prosecution for tax evasion.

John Boehner, as the Speaker of an all white House of Representatives, has an appreciably darker “tan” than our black president whom he perpetually sought to confound.

The GOP primary race got ugly. Real ugly, and to the detriment of the entire party. All the candidates did was provide spectacular ammo for the Democrats to use against Romney in the general election, using their own words.

While moon colonization may someday be in America’s future, especially if we keep fouling the planet on which we were born; moon colonization wasn’t exactly a top priority for the struggling American voter as 2012 political talking points go.

In 2012, the Queen of England pinched out yet another “jubilee.” Betty Windsor has been sitting on the throne since Jesus was in middle-school. Perhaps adding prunes to her diet might help.

Meanwhile, back in the US of A, Mitt Romney’s endless search for relevance led his stream of consciousness to blather on about the height of trees. There is no logical explanation for anything that came out of that man’s mouth in 2012 or any other year for that matter. Don’t sing. Please don’t sing….

Congress had an all male panel discussing the fate of women’s health issues, failing to recognize that not only are men uniquely unqualified to legislate the fate of women’s bodies, women also comprise 52% of the population. A majority of votes count.

The Republican Party spent 2012 at war with itself. They didn’t know if they were not conservative enough, too conservative, or somehow attempting to be all things to all people at all times while failing miserably at everything they attempted to do.

New Jersey’s Governor, Chris Christie somewhat redeemed himself following Hurricane Sandy, but during the balance of the year he towed the party line throwing a body-block in front of his state’s efforts to legalize gay marriage.

Brash Loudmouth, or Rush Limbaugh, if you prefer, relentlessly harangued Georgetown graduate law student, Sandra Fluke over women’s health issues. Not only were the fat fool’s comments out of line, they were ill-informed and in appallingly bad taste. Not even Viagra could get his apology to be anything less than limp as he repeatedly referred to feminists as “feminazis.”

Mitt Romney’s pathetic and beleaguered campaign was continually “dogged” by the revelation that he had strapped the family’s dog, Seamus to the roof of the car for a 600 mile vacation, not exactly winning him the animal rights endorsement.

In 2012 we asked the eternal question of: “How is it that educated people can be so stupid as to never learn from history?” The greed on Wall Street and corporate America spread unabated while times got more and more difficult for ordinary citizens.

Lots of people dislike that fact that our president keeps his cool and doesn’t flip-out on foolishness coming from the right wing. I’m not one of those people. I’ve believed in Obama all along, and his strategy to allow the old guard to dole out as much rope on their own as they need to hang themselves. This was WinnieToons highest rated post in 2012.

No matter how much Bosco Mitt Romney downed, he just couldn’t become one of the guys. In fact he never quite came off as remotely human.

2012 was a banner year for Christians loosing their way. Christians failed to see the humanity in ObamaCare. They also failed to notice that there is no mention of embryonic stem cells in either testament, as the world’s population swells past an unsustainable 7 billion and counting. The also failed to grasp the sanctity of a woman’s rights to govern over her own body.

Mitt Romney proved in 2012 that he was a terrible politician, and left people wondering how in the world he succeeded as a businessman. He pandered to the extreme right by selecting Paul Ryan to appease the crazies of the far right wing.

The face of the Supreme Court became more feminine, or perhaps “feminist” in 2012 by adding Elena Kagan to the bench following Obama’s earlier appointment of “strong Latina” Sonia Sotomayor. To this day no one knows exactly what Clarence Thomas does to justify his gaseous place on the bench.

Gun tragedy continued to be an unwanted staple of the American 24 hour news cycle with the unwarranted and heartbreaking shooting of Florida youth, Treyvon Martin. Proving once again that guns don’t make us safer, only more bold and stupid. The shooter, self-appointed village idiot and “town watch” wannabe, George Zimmerman is currently in custody facing murder charges.

Flawed mathematical “wizard,” Paul Ryan, known as the “young-guns numbers man” doesn’t seem to have much of a head for math as illustrated by his flawed and controversial “Ryan Budget Plan” which helped sink the Romney presidential  ticket.

The Affordable Health Care Act of 2012 is now the law of the land. However, the aptly named ObamaCare program doesn’t take full effect until 2014. In the meantime, Obama’s signature legislation of his first term is already helping people with preexisting conditions and extending benefits to people up to the age of 27 to remain covered on their parent’s health insurance, reducing the number of people uninsured.

Dick Cheney was given a new “beating” heart. He was taken off of his artificially blood pumping machine paid for by American taxpayers, and implanted with a new heart, sans compassion, of course.

Insofar as there is no such thing as clean coal or safe offshore drilling, the world has a new greed-motivated energy scheme to contend with: FRACKING. Hydrofracking indiscriminately contaminates underground water supplies without regard for property lines. If your neighbor sells fracking rights to one of the companies spinning themselves as providing “safe, clean-burning natural gas,” then look out, your kitchen faucet might just catch fire and all your cat’s hair will fall out if the kitty drinks the water. Not good.

Mitt Romney made it a habit of offending and marginalizing the Hispanic community, and then wondered why everyone went into peels of laughter when he showed-up on Telemundo with a spray tan. He lost the Latino vote by double digits.

Hillary Clinton will be stepping down as Secretary of State at the close of 2012. She’s been one of the most effective Secretaries of State in American history, amazing even her adversaries, and potentially clearing the way for a 2016 presidential bid.

A Yemeni man affiliated with Al Quida was sentenced to life in prison for the crime of terrorism after blowing his balls off with a bomb hidden in his underwear, doing little more than rendering himself impotent in any number of ways.

The hilariously unfunny lost Marx Brother, Mark Zuckerberg actually found someone to marry him and agree to a prenuptial arrangement. Smart girl, as the little bastard’s IPO started to sink only minutes after it was launched. Best for a woman to protect her own money, especially when marrying below her station.

“Global Warming” had its name changed to “Climate Change” during 2012, at least in public perception. The year saw an unusually high incidence of storms and peculiar weather patterns, blamed as usual on God’s alleged disapproval of homosexuality. Mostly through accusations by congenital idiots like Pat Robertson who fail to notice that a disproportionate amount of God’s wrath by way of droughts, floods and tornadoes seemed to land squarely in the bible belt.

Donald Trump (shown here as represented by a mollusk in a toupee) lead the bogus charge of birtherism in a limpid attempt to discredit Barack Obama. Trump, along with fellow imbecilic casino owner, Sheldon Adelson took ‘fools’ advantage of Citizens United to waste their money on poorly thought out choices in conservative candidates.

Speaking of “Citizen’s United” (which would be more aptly named “Corporations United) utterly failed in its thinly veiled effort to unseat Barack Obama as president of the United States. In fact, the only ones who made out on the deal were advertising agencies who were given unlimited budgets to produce misleading ads with no one being held responsible for the content. It backfired, fortunately, but resulted in the most expensive presidential campaign in American history: A whopping 2 billion dollars plus, leaving Karl Rove fired from FOX News and waiting to get his kneecaps whacked.

In addition to killer storms and political infighting, 2012 saw it’s fair share of scandals both in the Catholic Church and in college football. Penn State fell into a pederast state, which is a state the Catholic Church is already familiar with. The Pope, however was also implicated in a money laundering scheme associated with the Cosa Nostra fleecing Italian citizens through the use of hidden fees at automatic teller machines. The Vatican had to endure the humiliation of having their assets frozen. Time for a fleece lined codpiece.

The summer of 2012 saw record high temperatures and prolonged heatwaves across the continent leaving much of the American Midwest in the worst drought since the Dust Bowl, which also happened to coincide with a period of national economic desperation.

As previously mentioned, 2012 saw more than its share of gun violence at the hands of crazy people ardently defended by the National Rifle Association. The NRA fails to grasp that no one is trying to take away their right to own guns or hunt (although neither of which appeal to me personally.) What needs to happen is a complete removal of all automatic weapons from out of the hands of private citizens who think it’s OK to blow-away lives in movie theaters, schools and other places where people gather. Enough already with the gun-culture bullshit.

Mitt and Ann Romney had a horse in two different races. Neither of which turned out all that well for them. They now amuse themselves by riding in their fleet of cars up and down the car elevator in one of their many lavish estates. Poor things.

“Chick-Fil-A” decided prejudice and ignorance would help make their tainted product sell to Christian conservatives. It worked, but will likely shortened the lives of those consumers with sodium and cholesterol. Personal rapture, one victim, ahem, I mean “customer” at a time.

While the economy struggles, along with the citizens most effected by it, and the infrastructure of the nation crumbling, Congress gave themselves close to 8 months worth of time off, which is not to say everyone had a perfect attendance record for the remaining four months.

Religion remained the single most divisive issue both in the United States and across the globe. At the root of every war currently in progress or throughout history, you will find somewhere therein religious differences even if greed or other dogma are in play.

Although progress was achieved in 2012 with issues like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Congress continues to promise American soldiers anything, and doesn’t even give them Arpege. Those who’ve served in the American military deserve not only our respect, but the fulfillment of our word to those returning from harms way. Congress is overwhelmingly populated with individuals who have never served in the military, nor have offspring who do. It’s time to stop using the future generations as cannon fodder and send Congress to war.  Alone.

The most appalling and ethnically insensitive campaign of 2012 was waged, in my opinion, by former Senator Scott Brown’s supporters. Brown was quite rightly defeated by consumer advocate, Elizabeth Warren, who will be sitting on the Senate Banking Committee. Scott Brown, on the other hand, sat in the pocket of the banking industry. And by the way, not everyone of Native American heritage looks like Geronimo. Most American’s with Native American backgrounds are mixed with other ethnicities, and their heritage should never be used as a divisive political tool.

Granted, Obama’s first debate performance was less than stellar, but at least he didn’t win by lying. Rumor had it during the 2012 election that all political parties were after the elusive “swing voter.” Personally, I can’t think of a single person dimwitted enough to have been “on the fence” during this past election cycle. The choice came down to priorities and personal best interests. One party represented the uber-wealthy 2%, and the other represented the remaining 98%.

For once in her life, Ann Coulter was right. No, make that correct, she’s always been on the side of the “right.”

Hurricane Sandy made both climate change and human catastrophe become up-close and personal for America’s Eastern Seaboard. The storm also showed us Chris Christie’s better angels and angles. Not to mention how comforting it was in a time of such overwhelming distress to see a spirit of bipartisanship between a Democratic president and a Republican governor; especially after four years of political partisanship and bickering between the parties.

Barack Obama’s reelection was a victory for common sense and an utter defeat for late night comedians.

With all the issues people expressed about allowing openly gay soldiers to serve in the military (citing sexuality concerns) how ironic it it that it turns out to be the heterosexuals who don’t know how to keep it zipped(?) Especially if the one doing the unzipping has been elevated not only to the level of a four star general, but then later made head of the CIA. What a bad soap opera that scandal this has been.

As the year winds down, and WinnieToons bids a fond farewell, not only to the world of blogging, but to an unforgettable year we’d all like to forget; What more appropriate way to make our exit than by dropping off whatever faithful readers remain, on the precipice of a terrifying fiscal cliff. Goodbye, and it has been and wonderful four year ride. We’ll miss you.

The End – Much love from Winnie, Duck & Beihl

The Looming Fiscal Cliff-Hanger

It’s not like no one saw the fiscal cliffhanger coming. Nor is it like we haven’t been in similar straits before; take the ‘dept ceiling’ crisis for example and apply it all to the do-nothing Congress; especially to the dwindling majority in the House of Representatives. Barack Obama has out maneuvered the greed-motivated GOP, both in the most recent presidential election, and in the looming “fiscal cliff.” But the GOP seems to possess only a vaguely nodding acquaintance with truth and reality. They lost. And they lost big. The nation rejected their “ideas” or lack thereof, so get with the program.

Truth to tell, if we do go off the fiscal cliff the majority of the nation will quite rightly blame it on House Republicans, who will in turn pay dearly in the 2014 midterms. In other words, it’s a win/win for the president. Speaker of the House, John Boehner knows he’s in a corner with no way out, and the American public overwhelmingly agrees with the president regarding raising taxes on the upper two percentile. If the House doesn’t do what needs to be done, then taxes will also be raised on middle income wage earners. Guess who gets to be cast as the villains if that scenario plays out? The out-of-touch rich Republican Party and it’s coterie of snot-nosed pale faced males, of course.

The economy does not exist in nature; it’s a man made concept which simultaneously does and does not exist. Money doesn’t disappear, it merely changes hands, and for the past several decades the hands into which it has changed belonged to liars, cheaters, and thieves who’ve broken just about every commandment (be they legal or sacred) to justify greed is good, all while hypnotizing gullible older voters in the bible belt. I’m all for prosperity, and would love to have a taste of it myself, but not at the cost of fleecing my fellow citizens.

Mitt Romney, the Republican Party along with tone-deaf backers like Sheldon Addle-brain, failed to comprehend that pandering to the privileged class during the worst economic downturn in recent memory wasn’t going to play well. Nor is slashing entitlement programs while preserving the financial holdings of the obscenely wealthy. You’d think even a child could wrap their minds around a concept so basic, but it looks as if the GOP needs to suffer through another political shellacking or two before they come to their senses. Granted, he’s not in the House of Representatives, but even uber-evil Tea Party Senator, Jim DeMint has bailed from Congress to take a job as the director of the Heritage Foundation where he feels he can more effectively harm the nation from outside of government.

Come year’s end, if the fiscal cliff drops the American economy into free-fall, leaving our Grecian legacy to be more than just “democracy,” the Republican Party will have effectively imploded. Things will get even more interesting if movie star, Ashley Judd, challenges and unseats the obstinate Kentucky troll, Mitch McConnell in the 2014 midterms. Don’t underestimate Ms. Judd, just because she’s glamorous, she’s a smart lady, and she’ll make the House of Representatives far easier to look at – and work-with.

- Dissociated Press, 12/6/2012

Cats Are Supermodels – WinnieToons First Ever Commercial Endorsement

Here at the editorial department of WinnieToons, the staff occasionally lays an egg, and one of the primary suspects can get into positions Beihl only wishes he was limber enough to achieve (which is not to say he hasn’t tried.) But only one animal on the planet can sustain those kinds of poses without running up continual chiropractic bills: CATS.  Even yoga can’t help we mere mortals reach the places a cat can – cats win paws down or paws up.

My friend, Stu Bykofsky has just released a new book in time for Christmas, cleverly titled Cats Are Supermodels, loosely based on his relationship with his aloof feline roommate, Ashes. I’ve met Ashes on a number of occasions, and the persnickety thing wasn’t the least bit impressed with me, which is part of his charm. Ashes, like most cats, considers me foolish and beneath contempt, making him quite insightful, as cats tend to be. Stu’s book is available for $10.95 plus $2 postage and handling. It makes a purr-fect stocking stuffer. And he’s not even paying me to say this. You’ll enjoy the book, get some good laughs and even learn a little about the nature of our feline captors. It even includes tips on how single women living with cats can score a date.

Cats Are Supermodels, by Stu Bykofsky. Round it up to $13. Stu can use the spare nickle to buy me a drink sometime. Here’s where you can buy a copy. Buy several copies. Everyone’s got cat lovers on their Christmas list:

- Dissociated Press, 12/4/2012

Cats Are Supermodels by Stu Bykofsky