Which Neocon Would You Most Like to See Flogged by Duck D. Duck While Wearing Betty Page Drag?

It’s WinnieToons Annual Reader’s Participation Contest.  And here is the best part, there ARE NO PRIZES…!!!   Isn’t that great?!   You can say whatever you like without fear of landing on a mailing list merely to receive a coffee mug or a ill-fitting T-shirt.  All you need to do is supply the name of your favorite ‘neocon’ in need of a spanking and WinnieToons will have that politician or corporate greed-monger flogged by Duck D. Duck in drag as Betty Page and narrated with a snarky comment by Winifred P. Jumpingbean.  Specify whether you want Duck in drag as Betty Page or the neocon.  Really anyone can wear bondage lingerie and a pageboy wig.  Example:  Picture Mitch McConnell all decked-out like an S&M sex kitten.  Mmmmm, stimulating…

All entries must be submitted through the WinnieToons blog.  Facebook entries will not be eligible.  Be as mean as you like without crossing any lines.  As they say in the ‘biz’- “enough.”  We look forward to hearing from you with fresh ‘naughty boy’ submissions.  Remember not to choose a neocon who’ll enjoy a flogging too much.  The GOP, is, after all, pretty kinky.  We can’t wait to see who you nominate as the ‘Super-freak’ for 2012.  We’ll leave the Democrats alone for the moment.  They keep trying to govern…  Besides, the Republicans have been very, very bad boys.

- Winnie, Duck and Beihl





Long Island Iced Tea Party Candidate, Duck D. Duck Suffers ‘Brain Freeze’ While Trying to Endorse Mitt Romney on National TV

Long Island Iced Tea Party Candidate, Duck D. Duck recently suffered a severe case of ‘brain freeze’ during an interview on the McNeil Lehrer Report while attempting to endorse Mitt Romney.  Explaining what happened, candidate Duck said “I felt this really uncontrollable gag-reflex coming-on, so all I could do was put-on pleasant expression on my face and hope for the best.”

Candidate Duck denies rumors that she was ‘freaked-out’ upon walking-in on the Koch Brothers hooking-up what appeared to be a large USB cable to a ‘port’ on the back of candidate Romney’s neck.  Ms Duck according to undisclosed Secret Service sources, slowly backed-out of her fellow GOP candidate’s make-up trailer just as Secret-Room-Service delivered a large take-out container of Manchurian ‘extra (less-than) spicy’ Pro Pi Gan Duck.

Campaign manager, Winifred P. Jumpingbean is quoted as saying, “I found it very emotional to inform candidate Duck how from this point forward, all of her votes were going to to be write-ins from supporters who lacked opposable-thumbs.”  Compounding Ms. Duck’s political frustrations was the even more appalling news that most of her supporters can neither read nor write but are able to recite all the dirty passages from the bible — however, only quotations from the classic ‘Missionary Version.’

  • As for endorsing Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum couldn’t bring himself to do it.  Even his wife, Karen choked, which she found both ‘safe AND refreshing.’

  • Michele Bachmann cannot bring herself to speak the the words, because her mouth is full of hot corndog.

  • Jon Huntsman pretends he’s supporting Mitt Romney while shopping around for a 3rd party…  What a swinger.

  • Rick Perry was too stupid to comment, and Herman Cain did as he was told while going off-script.

Now it’s ‘Long Island Ice Tea Party’ candidate, Duck D. Duck’s turn to take Ann Coulter’s lead and enthusiastically get behind Mitt Romney.  “It’s probably for the best,” said campaign manager, Winifred P. Jumpingbean recalling Ann Coulter’s own comments, “If we don’t endorse Duck D. Duck, Mitt Romney will be the nominee and we will lose.”  Ms. Jumpingbean feeling that was a positive assessment, went on to say, “Coulter’s words make me want to stand-up on my hind legs and salute the flag.”

Perhaps it’s time for the Grand Old Party to flash the lights twice and bellow-out one more ‘last call’ before shuttering-down the bar until further notice.  If the Republican primary is any indication of the condition of the GOP ‘party’ itself, then we can pretty much assume all the cocktail glasses are broken and the hors d’oeuvres have long-since been hurled against the wall.

Newt Gingrich just announced his intention to preview the eventuality of a proclamation which will hint at the possibility of how under certain circumstances (which would forgive his campaign debt) he might be lead to intimate at an indication of how he would consider dropping-out of the race if it is BOTH in HIS and the party’s best interests.  Most Americans were alarmed to learn he was still under nominatorial consideration.  We realize Ron Paul is still in the race even if the old fool himself doesn’t know he’s not.

Candidate Duck D. Duck has been disinclined to formally withdraw from the 2012 GOP presidential campaign, because she hasn’t yet devised a scheme whereby she can both dodge representatives of her private funding who are whispered to have their fingers in a certain SuperPAC known as “The Waterborne Avian Alliance for a Scatter-shot Free Tomorrow.”   Most of Ms Duck’s campaign financing was apparently supplied by a certain local Texas ‘family’ restaurant called ‘Cosas de la Cosa Nostra’ just off the I-10 rest-stop on the ‘Katy Freeway’ halfway between ‘Nowhere Man’ and “Turn Back Now.’

During an unfortunate ‘live-microphone’ moment, candidate Duck D. Duck was recorded saying “I had to do things to get that money that would have killed my poor sainted mother had she not already been sauteed…”  Another voice was overheard saying “I taught we rubbed out ya’ poor sainted mutha ‘ta get ‘da money in’ da foist place?”   After that, it seemed as if a tussle ensued and suddenly there was only the screeching sound of microphone-feedback and a mysterious cloud of feathers in the air…

It is largely speculated that candidate Duck D. Duck only lost the (yet to be announced) GOP nomination because of her refusal to address the National Rifle Association — stating an opposition to their stance on ‘migration’ laws.

- Dissociated Press, 4/25/2012


Mitt Romney Wins an Impressive Victory in Unchallenged Primary States, Including My Voting District With an Astounding 7% of the Total Vote

I once knew a girl who entered a beauty pageant, talent, swimsuit and evening gown.  It was held at a local bar.  No one else entered, so she won.  It was a mortifying embarrassment to behold, especially the “talent” portion, as no one really wants to see anyone spinning batons — and local fire code prevented her from adding pyrotechnics.  And so it was last night with Mitt Romney taking another 5 more unchallenged primary states, including my state of Pennsylvania.  In Pennsylvania primaries, voting is party-specific.  When we close down after a LONG day at the polls, we publicly post the local tally sheets as specified by the law.  Duplicates sheets are divided-up between various sources who have competing interests so as to avoid any impropriety.  As Democratic majority inspector of my polling station, I work directly next to a lovely woman and good friend who is the Republican minority inspector.  At the evening’s end there was only about a 7% Republican showing in our district.  But Philadelphia is a very ‘blue’ town.  In other words, Romney won with feint praise.

The biggest pain in the ass THIS election (albeit a small turn-out) was the considerable constipation caused by the new voter ID laws.  It’s ONE MORE unnecessary step in what is already a cumbersome process, understaffed with never enough volunteers.  November is going to be bedlam.  The first and most noticeable problem was people automatically laying-down their ID on the registration desk and then walking away without it.  It didn’t matter how often you told people to hold onto them, they laid them down any way contributing the further nuisance of tracking-down voters to return their identification.  I suspect the greater threat is NOT NOW nor EVER HAS BEEN voter fraud at the polling place.  The greater threat is now going to be identity theft should anyone scoop-up an ID that isn’t theirs.

A sizable number of voters WITH ID were refusing to show them in protest.  This was like a ‘soft-opening’ — people were still allowed to vote.   What most people don’t understand, is generally speaking you know the overwhelming number of your regular voters in your district.  It is NOT easy or feasible for people to vote more than once in any way that would genuinely effect election results.  There was only a 14% turnout for the primary which means only 7% of the 14% turnout were voting for Romney.  Here’s a simple mathematical comparison:  If a district has 1000 voters, and 140 voters actually participate (14%), then in real figures, Mitt Romney got 9 measly votes.  We have 1000 voters in our polling station.

Working the voting polls is a 15 hour day convulsing between abject boredom and chaotic bedlam.  All the polling stations need more volunteers, but no one ever steps forward.  Let’s face it, Americans don’t even value their vote. If they did, they’d show-up and participate in the process either working at the polls or by at least voting.  France’s recent primary had an 80% voter turnout.  Our congested Philadelphia neighborhood had only a 14% turnout.  But lest we forget, the real purpose of the voter ID laws aren’t to prevent voter fraud.  Voter fraud doesn’t happen until ballots reach smoke-filled back rooms away from prying eyes.  The polling stations are clean.  Voter ID laws are designed to discourage and prevent minority votes.  Seniors, people of color and student aged voters.

Philly is a college town.  The more educated the voter, the harder they are to fool.  No wonder the GOP wants to cut funding to education.  This is far from over…

“Mature” Man Going-on 62 Poll Dances During Primary With Small Dog by His Side

The alarm goes off at 4:30am.  I’m the ‘Majority Inspector’ at my polling place, and Tuesday, April 24th is primary election day here in Pennsylvania.  I don’t have to be at the polls until 6am, but I have to be awake for a while merely to face being there.  Talk about a LONG day…  It’s my civic duty because they couldn’t con anyone else into doing it.

I ran unopposed and won.  Go figure…

I’ll get up early to feed Winnie and walk her halfway to Montreal before she’ll do her business.  Winnie is a good dog.  She likes to sleep late and this 4:30am walk is gonna throw-off her pooping schedule.  Generally once all her little doggie tanks are on empty, I smuggle Winnie into the polling station — usually later in the day.  She’s like our mascot.  She sits there politely greeting people as they come in to vote.  She’s absolutely certain everyone is there to see her — not to make a button light-up for Mitt Romney.  She’s right.  They ARE there to see her.  They, whoever ‘they’ are, are calling for rain, which means people have a choice between getting their hair wet or taking control of their future.

Hair wins every time…

We have two separate polling stations in our building.  One is a largely Asian language community, and confusingly enough, not all the same Asian language.  Fortunately there is a certified interpreter.   Also, I’m not completely sure whether or not we’ll be required to have all voters show identification this election.  There was no mention of it at the training sessions, but those teaching-moments are rarely ever what you’d call “informative.”  You’d think here in Pennsylvania, while it’s largely a ‘Republican Presidential Primary Beauty Pageant’, they’d stave-off ID requirements so they can hold that bit of Republican chicanery as a ‘trump-card’ to discriminate against perfectly decent people in the general election come November.   The governor signed a voter ID requirement into law.   Our governor is ‘Tom’ (just close your eyes while we violate your vagina during your ultrasound) ‘Corbett.’  Not to mention he’s a  Republican, and a slobbering knucklehead at that…  The man can’t even form full sentences and his diction is very…  well…  ‘common.’

That was unkind of me.  Let me put it another way:  He has no class.

Those of us working at the polls already pretty much know everyone who comes in to vote.  So this is going to be a real challenge artfully telling elderly seniors without saying anything inappropriate or too close to the truth, to hopeful seniors who have English as a second language that there are paranoid elements in our society who think these delicate elderly people who’ve made the effort to tromp through the rain to be part of the democratic process (many of whom we know by name) have to go back home in the rain, fetch an ID and come back drenched all over again for the second time in hopes that they’ve brought the correct ID.

And, as I said, when we already know who they are…  We live in a tight community.

Mostly it will be a slow voting day.  Center City Philadelphia people aren’t dumb enough to be all that excited about slogging out into the weather to give Mitt Romney his foregone conclusion as the most boring man on the planet.  That is, after all, what Romney is running for.  He isn’t running for president, he’s running to win an honorary award for the best impersonation of a plaster gentleman’s suit mannequin – ever.

Whoever or whatever you’re voting-for in Pennsylvania or whichever state you call home — just vote.  Weather notwithstanding.  Vote in the rain if you have to, and bring a valid ID to be on the safe side.  Vote for imbeciles if you insist.  But vote.  It’s the most valuable thing you have whether or not you know it.  Most importantly, ALWAYS remember, if you don’t vote, you forfeit ALL rights to complain.  Now is your time to be heard.  No one wants to hear a peep out of you if you didn’t vote because you didn’t want to get your hair wet, especially in an era when people buy hair products to make their hair look wet when it isn’t.  Now is your time to be authentic.  Ask yourself what Duck would do?  Go get wet.

It’s the Day After Earth Day and No One Knows What Season Comes Next

It is indeed the day after ‘Earth Day’ and no one knows what season comes next.  We had 70 degree days during the winter, and now that it’s late April, parts of the northeast coast of the United States (just due west of me here in Philadelphia) there’s a foot of fresh snowfall.  The spring trees and bushes flowered and froze twice during the winter, and when they finally popped, they did so a month early.  The robins were out in full flight all winter.  I saw the first ‘robin of spring’  mid-January.  Now there’s a foot of snow in places where people were out jogging half naked less than a week ago…

Obviously the climate-change naysayers continue to say ‘nay.’  But when they hire independent and skeptical scientists to confirm that global warming/climate change are a fabrication of the tree-hugging left — those scientists jumped ship and didn’t deliver the factoids they were paid to find or fabricate.  What are findings worth if you’re not finding what you were hired to find?  I’ll tell you what they’re worth:  They’re worth paying attention-to.  That, unfortunately is not how the contemporary manipulative-mind works.  The Koch brother’s financed the anti-climate change data to be found, and went mighty silent when their scientific team jumped ship to join the other side.  Could it be that all the chemicals Koch Industries and their contemporaries dump into the air, sea and land are having an ill-effect on the planet after all?

Probably…  No, make that ‘definitely.’

But here’s an easy ‘out’ for the Koch brothers:  ‘Earth Day’ was in large part the brainchild of convicted murderer Ira Einhorn.  Mr Einhorn was a ‘hippie-dippy’ anti-establishment ‘proponent of change’ here in the Philadelphia area back in the wild late 1960’s and early 1970’s.  Well, he WAS a ‘proponent of change’ up until he murdered his beautiful girlfriend, Holly Maddux and left her body to decay in a footlocker in a storage room.  Arlen Specter defended him and secured bail.  Einhorn jumped-bail and lived the good life in Europe for decades until he was eventually extradited back to Pennsylvania, where last I heard, was biding-away the next 150 years in Graterford State Prison.  So here is my gift to the Koch brothers and the climate change naysayers: The observance of ‘Earth Day’ was instigated by a convicted hippie murderer.

How’s that for a topic changer?

Now soulless industrialists can blame climate change on Ira Einhorn.  Not that the dots connect on anything global aside from Einhorn’s own global flight from justice after snuffing-out a promising young life…  But you folks are NEOCONS.  Remember your proud motto “thangs don’ gotta make no sense juz so long as the Lord be watchin’ o’er ussin.”  Judging from the weather, the Lord is otherwise occupied, and I think you’ve lost your audience’s ear, so we better start cleaning it up ourselves.  Unfortunately, no one is going to pay attention to the climate again until next year’s ‘Earth Day.’  Sorry, I forgot, it rained on ‘Earth Day’ this year so no one payed any attention at all.  Look on the bright side, it’s just that much less litter from the picnickers.


Another Earth Day Reprise – At the Risk of Pissing-off the Entire Jersey Shore… Keep Your Freakin’ Cats Indoors

The Jersey shore when I was a boy, was a place where you could skinny into your trunks behind a dune and make a run for the ocean without seeing anyone else nearby – at least that was true outside of the major developed shore communities.  Depending on where you beached you didn’t need your trunks at all.  Now the shore is an overdeveloped honky-tonk ripe with seagulls gobbling French-fries off the boardwalk.  Like most things gone wrong in this world, those ills can be directly traced to human gluttony, indifference and greed – the three major byproducts of our species.

After Columbus opened the floodgates to the New World, Western Europeans stampeded across the continent with little or no regard for the indigenous peoples, plants and wildlife who’d already staked a gentle claim to the unspoiled land.  Lord Baltimore gleefully shipped-over a dozen birds called the Columba Livia now known as the Feral Roc Pigeon.  These birds were destined for his Maryland estate in order to stock the shooting fields with his favorite game-hen.  He thought America was such a beautiful place that it needed one example of every species of bird.  He meant well, but he failed to shoot them all.  Sadly, Lord Baltimore was (at the time) the pigeon’s only natural predator.  Here’s mud in your eye Lord Baltimore…  Human encroachment on the woodland habitats have driven pigeon-eating Peregrine-falcons and Redtail-hawks to become highrise cliff-dweller.


Pigeons and white-people aren’t the only species to take-up unnatural residence in the Americas – Farting-Holsteins, Chincoteague ponies, horses, pigs, gray roof rats and all manner of 2 to 4 legged interlopers came sailing across the ocean at the beck and call of the white man – some for the greater good and some not.  Once here our pale-faced ancestors sought to duplicate the over-crowded, discontented world they’d known and left behind.  Simply put, it’s the history of human failings. Of course those who sailed west also brought with them their cherished pet cats to curb the rodent population and keep the children amused.

Cats are mysterious, beautiful, enigmatic creatures who control our love for them with endearing indifference.  Perhaps it’s that indifference which makes us love them all the more.  It never occurs to anyone – in the cat’s own eye we’re merely ’service staff.’  Cats are always in control.  Perhaps we people feel a need to have something take control as clearly the human race is NOT equal to the task.  That said I’m not sure we want to let our world to be governed by the benevolence of our feline friends.  Cats toy with our affections much the same way they toy with their prey.  Gentle one minute and brutally harsh the next.  Nothing better mimics the cruel and contradictory nature of our world than the common, everyday house-cat.  Like Mother Nature herself, part of every cat’s charm is marked with a ruthless beauty.  Cats even have their own insufferable musical which is booked in summer-stock revivals long after all ticket-holders will have gone extinct, scorched to death by global warming.

Cat-lovers understandably want their cats purring by their side.  Even when vacationing on holiday at the beach.  People find petting an animal comforting, be it a dog, a cat or a cuddly Komodo Dragon.

Dogs are licensed and monitored for the most part.  Whenever possible adhering to leash laws enforced (hopefully) by responsible communities and pet-owners.  Cats on the other hand do pretty much as they please.  A cat’s natural instincts rule them – for which they are not to be faulted or taken to task.  Cats bask lazily in the sun waking only to chase a leaf in the breeze – knowing it’s the sight of movement that captures their curiosity – triggering primal hunting instincts.

Cats prefer a slow kill.  It’s so ingrained in them they have no control over it – and useful as cats are in keeping vermin at bay – remember the old saying:  “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  If those sage words are true, then animal advocates are all too frequently the most well-meaning yet gently misguided people in the world.

I’m not aware of any effective method for herding cats.  Animal advocates (cat lovers in particular) endeavor to catch stray cats.  In the best case scenario, to responsibly re-home the cats to safety.  Other radically well-meaning individuals catch feral cats believing they’re doing good-works by spaying and inoculating the animals for disease.  It’s a start, but ill-advised to set those same cats back outside to run loose in ‘feral cat colonies.’  Doing so creates a recipe for disaster – especially in coastal areas where the feral cat population is leading to the unwelcome, rapid disappearance of irreplaceable species of coastal birds.  Cats will hunt not only for food but for the pleasure of the kill.  While little Mister Whisker-Puss has every right to live his life unharmed, so do other species vitally important to the cycle of life.

Best known for irresponsibility, human beings are far more capricious than than any calico or tuxedo could dream of being.  Stupid people too frequently loose interest in pets once they’re no longer cute little kittens or puppies – abandoning them or merely losing track of them.  People frequently dump dogs and cats in shelters once they become enamored with idea of parenthood and the new ‘human’ baby arrives.  Heaven help those children who’s parents have learned nothing from caring for an animal.  Pets understandably run away from human cruelty or neglect – in the shore points stray cats spell calamity for marine birds.

On the Jersey Shore, among the most threatened of these defenseless birds is the Piping Plover.  Plovers are a gentle, harmless beach-nesting species.  Both beach-nesting and nest-defending leaves these delicate little birds vulnerable to feline killer instincts. Included in the list of threatened and endangered Jersey Shore birds are:  Piping Plovers, Black Skimmers, Least Terns and the American Oystercatcher to name a few.  A cat lover once said to me with flagrantly false authority that cats aren’t quick enough to catch anything but older and wounded birds, saying “It’s bullshit – birds can get away from cats by flying to the safety of trees, besides, it’s nature at work.”  Not so, beach nesting birds while capable of flight have no effective defense when their earthbound nests are besieged by cats.   Current data indicates there to be as few as ONE mating pair of Piping Plovers left in in some of the developed areas of New Jersey — outside designated refuges. 

I spoke with a with a source who disclosed there was a colony of Least Terns where at least 60+ birds were killed by a single cat over a period of a few days in the municipality of Belmar during one nesting season.  Word has also surfaced there’s an investigation/survey underway of damage inflicted by feral cats who attacked a nesting area on the Jersey Shore this past June.  An estimated 100 pairs of beach-nesting birds were decimated – not only adult mating birds, but hatchlings, nests and eggs.  Bear in mind that baby birds are incapable of flight for the first month of their lives.  For these beleaguered species, it’s a disaster of incomprehensible magnitude.  If those same birds were slathered with crude-oil on the gulf coast, all animal lovers including cat owners would be outraged and signing online petitions.  However when the killing is done by cats, its wrongfully shrugged-off as simply part of the natural order.  There’s nothing natural about feral cats inhabiting the Jersey Shore – not unless you’re talking about MTV cat-fights in after-hours clubs in Seaside Heights – which come to think of it are pretty unnatural too.

The next time you find yourself attempting to relax at the beach while being eaten alive by bugs, utter a simple prayer in memory of the harmless birds, many of whom supplement their diet with insects who left unchecked feast on beachgoers.

Its bad enough to have the Jersey Shore diminished by Snookie and The Situation – not to mention over-development, pollution, litter, tire-tracks and dune erosion.  This has got to stop.  I implore everyone who loves and enjoys New Jersey‘s beaches to please keep your cats indoors at all times or controlled on a leash.  Better yet, board them during your two weeks of summer vacation.  Drink-in the sobering reality that one lone outdoor cat is capable of destroying the future population of endangered marine birds very quickly and within an area of incalculable radius.

Cape May, one the Jersey Shore’s finest communities has an estimated 125 feral cats living outdoors by their wits and instincts.  Who knows how many cats run feral in other resort towns…?  If you want to do something useful as an animal advocate – catch some of those cats and do more than merely neuter and inoculate them – re-home and domesticate them.  If you have to, turn the cat over to a no-kill shelter if there’s other recourse.  Better yet, spoil the kitty rotten in your own home, buying it toys and treats to your hearts delight.

Just take responsibility…!!!

Only humane, forethought of action and common sense will prevent further diminishing fragile birds who’s nesting areas are none other than our rapidly dwindling stretches of unspoiled coastline.  Commit yourself to become some cool cat’s feline house-servant.  But in the name of all that’s good, don’t let the cat out-of-the bag at the Jersey Shore to prey on rare and irreplaceable birds.

Cat owners –  if you’re a genuinely animal lovers you will take and meet this challenge.  There’s no chance in the world we will ever run in short-supply of cats – feral or otherwise.  Beach-nesting birds on the other hand are priceless whether in the hand or in the bush.

Piping Plovers nesting by seaweed.
American Oystercatcher with an oyster in tow.
Beach-nesting Black Skimmers
A Least Tern surveying dead offspring.

For more information go on endangered New Jersey birds go to:



A Reprise in Honor of Earth Day – Clean-burning, Affordable Natural Gas at an Untenable Cost of Setting Your Kitchen Sink On Fire


I don’t know about you, but when I crave a glass of fresh, clean water, I want it to have heavy concentrations of benzine and lead to help build strong bones, and a dash of Isopropyl alcohol, butoxyethanol, and ethylene glycol just for flavor.  So what if it makes the cat’s hair falls out and there’s a dramatic uptick in pediatric cancer?  We’re talking about American jobs here.  Jobs where employees can be guaranteed shorter life-spans and unpronounceable health disorders including loss of motor-control and brain and lung tumors.  Toss in a little gastrointestinal distress, despoiled landscapes that won’t recover for 500 to a 1000 years, and you’ve got everything you require to endorse fracking.

No need to worry about the ‘Clean Water Act of 1974′ – Dick Cheney and almighty Halliburton have fixed-it in Congress so the fossil-fuel industry can get around the standards that prevent toxic contaminants from seeping into our drinking water.  And who should know more about fossils than Dick Cheney?  He IS one.

Why is this happening?  It’s happening due to a lack of imagination and productive, clean-energy innovations – all for the love of short-term profit and long-term catastrophe.

What about hazardous airborne pollutants, you might ask?  To hell with them.  Bush/Cheney had already seen to it the industry can “legally” circumvent the ‘Clean Air Act’ too.  We can drink deadly sludge and breathe toxic fumes.  It’s the American way, and we might as well get used to it.  Our legislators have found the perfect way to curb the population…  Kill ‘em off while charging us all for the privilege of dying an ugly death while purchasing these very same products that are destroying our environment.

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Pressure land-poor farmers during an economic recession to sign-over the mineral rights on their property, lay the land fallow and make their homes unlivable and unsalable, then pocket the profits.  I don’t imagine you’ll see either Dick Cheney’s lavish Montana ranch or George Bush’s massive Texas acreage riddled with fracking sites.  They know better than to pollute their own property.  The only problem is, underground water sources have no respect for the boundaries of land ownership.  But then again, nothing will kill Dick Cheney.  He’s already being kept alive with bionic interior body parts and duct-tape.

Diagram from the Congressional Report on Toxic Chemicals Used In Fracking.  Note what the horizontal drilling does to the water.

Fracking breaks through the shale beneath the earth’s surface to create ruptures which increase the likelihood of earthquakes in an effort to release “clean-burning” gasses that can only be accessed by means which require literally tons of toxic chemicals causing mountains to bleed with oozing smarm, killing fish in the rivers, snuffing all that crawls on the land and knocking birds of flight clear-dead out of the sky.  What could go wrong with that?

Our fate is in the hands of the Four Whoresmen of the Apocalypse: Corrupt government.  Industrial greed.  Human stupidity.  And unbridled hubris.  On the bright-side, everything you drink from now-on will be just like enjoying a flaming Mai Tai, only the fruit will be poisoned and the paper umbrella will dissolve before it even gets a chance to catch fire.  Plus, just think of all the money you’ll save by not having to buy Sterno for under the petri-dishes containing gastronomical delicacies that will leave your dinner guests on the floor writhing with seizures.

A map illustrating sites where ‘fracking’ is already in progress including prospective sites.  Released by the ‘Congressional  Report on Toxic Chemicals Used In Fracking.’ Texas is just plain fucked.

They’ve already begun frack-raping all across the country including the Delaware River Basin and soon to reach the southern tier of New York State.  Both water reservoirs supply the drinking water for New York and Philadelphia.  Check below to see what’s coming soon to a kitchen sink somewhere near you – perhaps even in your very own home.  This short little video is not to be missed – THEN SIGN THE PETITION:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01EK76Sy4A 

PETITION:  http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/drbc_fracking/?rc=tw1

Allen West Defends Ted Nugent’s Threats of Violence While Fabricating a Story that 80% of All Democrats are Communists

Really what could they possibly be paying Allen West in order to come out in public support of Ted Nugent?  And who is paying him?   On one hand he’s accusing the Democratic Party of being a hotbed of faux-communists and on the other he thinks Ted Nugent is perfectly sane.   Does the GOP view West as a disposable mouthpiece?   They must – either that or West recently received Dick Cheney’s second-hand political life-support system.  The question is will they hang Allen West out to dry when it’s finally politically expedient…?  Like when Mitt Romney needs to distance himself from all the crazies to win the centrist vote?  One can only hope Allen West makes really, really good money for letting things cross his lips that would keep other people from sleeping at night.  That must be his job.  Possessing no soul — Motown or otherwise.  The more outrageous the comment, the better.  He’s like one of those clowns at a bullfight — he’s a distraction, and if he goes down, it’s news on page 6 for 2 days max.

Allen West came out in support of Ted Nugent’s thinly veiled ‘Mel Gibsonesque Braveheart’ call-to-arms alerting every gun-totin’ unbalanced member of the Republican NRA to paint one side of their faces blue and behead their Democratic opponents (as is genteelly outlined in our sacred United States Constitution.)  When the Constitution protects “one’s castle-rights” allowing just any idiot with a gun license to leave ‘said’ castle so as to stalk and kill people and get away with it…  then the right-wing is all for the Constitution.

It’s a matter of interpretation.

If the Constitution protects someone else’s rights to NOT be blown away based on race, color, creed, national origin, religious affiliation, gender or any of that other stuff, then the GOP had better get busy and repeal anything that seems threatening — things like women’s rights for instance — because women’s rights will only lead to gay-rights and that will further legitimize everyone else’s already legitimate civil rights permitting fewer and fewer people to use guns to kill people guilt-free at will…  And as any good redneck knows, neither the Constitution nor the Bible are living, breathing texts.  Both are cast in stone, in spite of our living in a movable and changing world.  So go ahead and blow your neighbor’s head off because he’s smoke-curing a lamb on the Sabbath.  You gotta draw the line somewhere…

If a shill like Alan West can have even the tiniest impact on the racial minority vote, then that’s Democracy at work.  In other words, it’s just one more person the Bible Belt doesn’t have to actively screen-out and prevent from voting.  Trot out Marco Rubio, maybe he can sell the Hispanic vote down the river too…  Don’t tell anyone, but keeping minorities quiet and out of the White House keeps the Republican Party in agreement with every word of the Constitution.

But back to Ted Nugent…   Ted is a dignified supporter of the Mitt Romeny campaign.  Romney begged him on bended knee for his support…  No one is saying Ted’s aligned himself with the traditions of some weird 19th century religious cult, that gives silent approval with his having his way with multiple under-aged groupie-chicks…!!!  Even implying such a thing would be tacky.   Nor are we saying Ted wears a pistol tucked-in with his junk, wearing American flag bikini-briefs, while drawing attention away from his history as a draft dodger…

…I wouldn’t have wanted to go to war either.   Largely because I still have yet to hear an acceptable explanation for war — but then again I’m one of those weird pacifists who admits to not wanting to go to war in the first place.  Other people are fine with the idea of war, just so long as it’s someone else who goes and they don’t know anyone who does.  In other words, you don’t see me with one breast exposed brandishing firearms and a flag unless I’ve been invited to a ‘tableau vivant’ party — and those quaint, old fashioned celebrations are simply all too rare these days…

To recap:  Ted Nugent is impersonating a patriot.  Mitt Romeny is impersonating a man while attempting to impersonate a candidate.  Allen West is impersonating Joseph McCarthy. And I’m impersonating the central figure in Eugene Delacroix’s ‘Liberty Leading the People…’  only it’s looking more and more like the Géricault’s infinitely more depressing ‘Raft of the Medusa.’

But seriously, if Allen West is longing for the bad-old days of McCarthyism then we all heartily wish him “Good night and good luck…”  And a journalist that can read the newspaper through his skull.



Snatch Scratch Fever is the New GOP Illness of the Week

What has Ted Nugent done lately you’d be proud to phone back home to mom?

The less said the better…  But when one presidential candidate has an endorsement from a has-been celebrity who makes a ‘none-too-thinly-veiled’ comment about assassinating the sitting president, common decency dictates the challenging candidate should distance himself from those comments and strongly condemn them…

Maybe it’s not Mitt’s fault.  He’s must be frightened enough being married to Nosferatu’s little sister.

If elected, Ann Romney would be the first vampire serving as the First Lady.  But she’s the least of the Republican’s problems.  You’ve got a GOP endorser inciting violence against the president, and Allen West trying to return us to the McCarthy era.

And we wonder why John Beohner cries…?

These scary, disjointed, neurotic people want to run our country firing bullets any which way they like.   Meanwhile Romney lies through his teeth like a master sociopath.  By the way, Ann Romney’s teeth scare the crap out of me.  So does Allen West.

Allen West is Joseph McCarthy in black-face.  Of course John Boehner weeps.  These frightening people have been brought to you courtesy of the “Corporations Are People” SuperPac.  The GOP is a party in crisis.

- Dissociated Press, 4/18/2012


Duck Reported to be at the Center of the Cartagena, Colombian Secret Service Sex Scandal

President Obama’s international advance security detail was caught with their pants down the other day with 21 prostitutes and counting…  Before you go off on Obama, no, he wasn’t there.  Nor is he implicated by the actions of those Secret Service Agents & Secret Service Uniformed Officers, along with (allegedly) some U.S. Military men sent ahead to ‘sweep’ the presidents accommodations prior to his arrival…  But voilà, there’s a sex scandal playing itself out and a hooker who claims not to have been paid for services rendered.  What is this world coming to?  Free-trade commerce at it’s most historic foundations ripped-off by a branch of the United States government…?!!!  Is there no sense of honor or tradition left in this world?

Why is everyone ALWAYS so shocked to find-out that men are involved in sex scandals?  I’m gonna let you in on a little secret if you haven’t already figured it out: The male body is a sperm factory.  Sorry if that offends anyone’s delicate sensibilities, but that is and always has been the primary (or should I say ‘primal?’) thing on the minds of most all men — release of the aforementioned substance.

At all times or whenever possible…

The male seminal fluids build-up creates a condition widely known as “horny.”  Some men are able to simply ”take matters in hand’ and be done with it, but that doesn’t always quite ‘hit the spot.’   Send a whole team of men to a place like Cartagena, Columbia, one of the world’s sex capitals – (in other words, a typical South American Catholic country where prostitution is legal) — and what the devil do you think is going to happen…?  At the risk of being a turncoat to my own sex, it has always amazed me how the handling of the world’s most pressing problems have historically been left to the ‘sticky-palms’ of the male sex.  I’m older now, and able to concentrate on things other than sex for longer periods of time — that is when I can remember what floor I’m on…  But when I was a young man sitting-in on staff meetings while working in retail, you don’t want to know where my mind was wandering…  I’d have to go home for lunch in order to concentrate during my afternoon return or I’d never have made a single one of my deadlines.  None of this is fresh news.  There are more examples than anyone can cite:

  • We watched congress try to crucify Bill Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky cigar scandal only to witness a massive exodus in the House of Representatives (including Newt Gingrich) when it came to light that ALL of them had mistresses.

  • Well, except for the ones who were secretly gay — they, on the other hand did not have mistresses.  Those gentlemen merely carry shopping bags that fit a pair of size 12 shoes and can unfold nicely inside an airport lavatory stall so gentleman-callers can stand in the bags and be serviced.

  • Unless we as a nation are willing to pass a law allowing the castration of all our public officials and CIA security agents — then MEN will be MEN.  But what would we have left?  The castrati chorus section of the Vienna Boys Choir protecting our Commander in Chief…?  I can just hear all those squeaky little, high-pitched voices repeating orders over walkie-talkies making sounds only dogs can hear from ten miles away.

(Just curious, do walkie-talkies still exist, or have they gone the way of the Dick Tracy two-way wrist radio…?  But I’ve gotten off track…)

  • Former RNC Chairman Michael Steele had to tap-dance through an excuse for WHY the Republican Party was picking-up a tab for taking a Republican Youth Convention to a lesbian bondage-bar complete with an eye-popping floor show and a stupefying bar-tab plus round-trip airfare…

  • One of the reasons the Deepwater Horizon oil spill happened, is because the Bush Administration appointed crystal-meth addicted sex-maniacs to monitor safety regulations…

  • Wall Street had a calamitous sell-off of Proctor & Gamble stock a few years back because government watch-dogs turned-out to be horn-dogs watching porn instead of doing what they were supposed to be doing…

  • I can no longer dwell on this topic, or I will have to touch myself and at my tender age that’s so frequently disappointing, I can’t face it one more time…

Women, get your act together and take-over the world.  Men aren’t (ahem) ‘UP’ to the task.  Oh cripes, I almost forgot.  Women are nearly as bad as men, only a wee-tad more responsible.  The human race is populated by fools.

We’re doomed.

- Dissociated Press, 4/18/2012