Conclusive Scientific Proof Linking Ann Coulter to Sasquach Footprints

Scientists released startling information today linking Ann Coulter to Sasquatch footprints found in the Himalayas.  Unusually large tracks purportedly belonging to the legendary monster were found by Sasquatch researchers and identified as size 34 open-towed “narrow” Manolo Blahniks.  Big-foot chaser, faux-scientist and amateur snake-handler, Peter Raven was quoted as saying  “Only the most fearsome of prehistoric beasts could survive the Himalayas wearing open-toed designer shoes.”  He went on to add the shoes appeared to be ‘flats’ indicating they could only belong to one Ann Coulter.

Poor Ann…  She’s the “Cassandra” of the fallen ‘evil empire.’  She knows the GOP is going to have to steal this coming November’s election in order to win it, because they’ve got nothin’.  Not to worry.  They’ve done it before, they’re old hands at that sort of thing.  Sadly, they’ve got Mitt Romney as a candidate, who’s so spineless he’s been reclassified as an invertebrate.

Ann realizes GOP governors can tamper with voter ID laws that do little more than glean-out legitimate older voters born before the routine issuance of birth certificates and Social Security cards (also weeding out the poor) but there’s nothing they can do to make America love Mitt Romney.  If the GOP wins, they run the risk of sparking a frightening backlash from all of America’s minority communities and disenfranchised citizens — which combined ARE the majority.  Ann knows that.  That’s why she wanted to catch Chris Christie’s rising star before everyone realizes what a jackass he is.  But she’s stuck with Romney.  The GOP will have to do something…  States like Pennsylvania will suffer indescribable confusion resulting from the new voter ID laws.  Texas will be proud to decline a college student ID at the polling-place in favor of a gun license — but poor, psychic Ann knows the GOP has run amok…  She even helped-it along in her own obnoxious, ‘tangled-up-in-power-lines’ kinda way.

I was on Ann Coulter’s blog today.  I visit-it from time to time merely to see what kind of horse-puckey she’s hawking.  Generally speaking, she’s up to the hard-work of trying to convince herself she’s living in a very white world devoid of even the simplest hint of color.  I’m sure somehow SHE personally IS now that there’s no reason to take calls from Herman Cain.  Her most recent rant is an indictment against all immigrants.  Except for scientists from Sweden who are perfectly happy where they are.  But WAIT…!!!  I thought the GOP had debunked science as a false idol?  Oh, I forgot.  Science is only to be used when convenient and dovetails with one’s personal political agenda.  I beg your pardon, Ann, my mistake…

Ann was nominated for the WinnieToons “Betty Page Beat-off a Neocon” contest, but lost to an idiotic southern minister who advocates punching small children.  Sigh.  (Check-out several posts back…) I was really pulling for her to win in a field filled with men…  but remember, Ann said “I think women should be armed but should not be allowed to vote.”  Great.  I hope you’ve updated your ID, but not your gun license.

Sadly, Ann was born to be a first runner-up.  It’s karma.  She’s the woman who was capable of saying to a disabled Vietnam veteran: “People like you caused us to lose that war.”   Now she’s the looser.  Since she lost the Betty Page competition, Ann deserves a consolation prize and good verbal throttling — and I’m just the queen to do it.  Ann Coulter does not believe in either truth or the Constitution.  She believes:  “I think there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people to vote.”  (Honey, you do that, and the Tea Party is toast!)  But back to her quote — odd how the GOP has caused most of the nation to become excruciatingly-poor and now they’re fighting to de-fund education…  (Especially her dream-c’hunk, Chris Christie.)   Keep the masses poor and stupid watching sports and sitcoms.  It’s the American way.

The secret NO ONE in the GOP hierarchy OR ‘messenger-minions’ like Ann Coulter want you to know, is they don’t believe the bile they’re spewing either.  For them it’s about money, power and complete-control ‘let the truth be damned.’  All those neocons, especially Ann, know they’re indefensibly in the wrong but it’s profitable and that allows their actions to be loosely defined as capitalism.  Just makes you wanna sit-up from your coma and salute the flag, doesn’t it?

WinnieToons has a special news for Ann:  ‘We the People’ allowed one very pale, blond scientist to immigrate to the United States just for her.  His name is Ura Frawdenabich:  We got a hold of a strand of her hair caught on the lighting-rod on top of 1211 Avenue of the Americas.  The DNA test results are in.  Ann is one half Swedish and one-half albino Watusi.  AND rumor has it her birth certificate is a forgery.

4 thoughts on “Conclusive Scientific Proof Linking Ann Coulter to Sasquach Footprints

  1. I cannot believe that a uber-Right “patriot” like Ann Coulter would attack a wounded Vietnam vet for “causing us to lose that war.”
    Makes me want to slap that bitch with a 2×4 with a spike in it. I come from a military family. My father flew fighters and my mother was a tech sergeant. My grandfather fought across Africa, Italy and Belgium, being wounded 3 times in WW2. I enlisted but washed out because I couldn’t run. My family fought every war except Korea that happened in the 20th Century including my own brother going to El Salvador and Grenada.
    If I ever meet Ann Coulter, she’ll be known as “Toothless Ann” from then on!

  2. google “albino Watusi”. She was named Cheryl and was a friend of Steve. They lived in West Philly near the U of P.

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