Last night was the Arizona Republican Primary Debate, on CNN. Speaking to a packed house of wee-little people and empty minds (a.k.a. Arizona Republican primary voters) Mitt Romney and his other adversarial crazies were given a forum to kick around, women, minorities and immigrants to bursts of applause and cheers from Stepfords and Lilliputians alike. It’s about time someone spoke-up for the rights of both the Lilliputian and the Stepford communities. But more importantly, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer had her hair done for the occasion which made her look even more like Bette Davis playing Baby Jane Hudson.
It was fascinating watching the GOP candidates pretend to know something about foreign policy — especially in trying to justify going to war with Iran. Rick Santorum voiced his opinions on foreign policy largely by parroting whatever the other dim-bulbs said, then following-it-up with his own remarks, using random jumbles of words that closely resembled sentences. All four beauty contestants were in agreement that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad should not be permitted to close the Straights of the Moose. Only Rick Santorum spoke-up about his approval of closing the ‘Gays of the Moose.’ Mitt Romney attempted to gin-up the argument speculating that Iran will detonate a nuclear bomb if Barack Obama is reelected president (read into that the same fear tactics the Bush Administration deployed about Saddam Hussein and his supposed weapons of mass destruction…) Three out of four of the candidates, Mitt, Rick and Newt were all very congenial in their disdain for each other, while bantering about the subject of miring us in another endless, costly war in the Middle East. Ron Paul was actually the only one who made sense on that issue. Perhaps he was having a mini-stroke?
Education was summarily dismissed by all the candidates as best described by ‘leaving all children behind’ to be home-schooled by parents who themselves don’t read or write. Santorum had his soiled-panties handed to him on a platter when Mitt Romney leveled “responsibility” for Obamney Care placing it squarely on Santorum’s shoulders for supporting Arlen Specter during the 2010 midterms thus clearing the way for Sen Pat Toomey (R-PA) to unseat Specter and in-turn brake ranks with Republicans by casting the decisive vote in favor of Health Care Reform. (BTW – Quite possibly the only thing Toomey has ever done right, and it all boils down to being Santorum’s fault…) Delicious.
All the GOP candidate’s were back to pandering to the Arizona mind-set with the absurd project of building a ‘Great Wall of China’ between the United States and Mexico and further demonizing Hispanics. Mitt Romney adding his own personal commitment to strictly employ the use of eVerify when hiring illegal aliens to manicure the grounds of his multiple mansions and estates. Speaking in code, the fab-4 also approved of invading women’s crotches as a matter of mandating their own religious “convictions” justifying groin invasions an an effort to “protect” religious freedoms — but protecting only the rights and religions approved by the Conservative Sink Tank. Photographs of these procedures will be made available online to members of the church-like Republican boys dormitory known as the ‘House on C-Street.’
Newt Gingrich was in fine blowhard-form playing the role of elder statesman but appeared more toned-down than in previously rabid performances — perhaps because Newt’s own personal sugar-daddy, Sheldon Adelson is now providing BOTH Newt Gingrich AND Mitt Romney with SuperPAC monies: Hence Mitt and Newt were forced to play nice-nice together through gritted teeth and thinly veiled disdain.
All in all it was another dull, uninteresting, uninformative, waist of air-time lacking ideas and imagination — and I expected nothing less. It would appear after drawing straws, that Mitt Romney won the debate — but how difficult can that be when you’re shooting 3 dead fish in a barrel? Even in victory, Mitt came across as ‘small,’ peculiar and disconnected. When asked about his the public’s greatest misconception about him, Mitt Romney answered, “That I trim my own sideburns.” In that spirit I offer the following Haiku: