Sally Takes to the Stage “World Premier”

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Sally shown here in a nearly Shakespearean moment from her latest film.

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Sally was overwhelmed by the outpouring of get-well cards she received from her fan base.

Sally the cannibal whore has just premiered her latest film Sally Takes to the Stage. And like all of her other films, it incorporates all the shoddy, second-rate B-movie meaninglessness that Sally’s fans have come to expect. Of course there were problems with her on the set–not just the usual things we’ve seen before, like her eating the entire cast, but more serious problems like when her legs fell off while doing her own stunts. This resulted in a delay in the production schedule while Sally recuperated at the doll hospital. She left suddenly when news came to light that several of the night nursing staff had gone missing. She hates hospital food.

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Sally and Percy on a romantic nature walk.

Other problems came from her turbulent on and off screen romance with costar, Percy Pinchbottom. Mr. Pinchbottom seems to have disappeared shortly after the film wrapped-up it’s final takes–and we fear that Percy Pinchbottom has himself also wrapped-up his own final takes. Shown here is the loving couple during happier times while taking a break from their arduous film schedule to take a refreshing walk down a deserted country road.

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Sally makes no bones about her previous run-ins with the law, but her smile is so sweet that the authorities keep releasing her.

Sally, of course saw opportunity in Percy’s disappearance as a way to promote her latest picture, and thus did nothing to quiet the press corp’s speculations as to what could possibly have happened to poor, unfortunate Percy Pinchbottom. As of today, not even Mr. Pinchbottom’s fireantsagent, nor his press secretary, manicurist, hair stylist, wardrobe mistress or lawyer could be reached for comment. Sally claims he went out for some air, and simply never returned. But then she changed her story by saying that poor Percy had been consumed by fire ants. Sally has had terrible problems with fire ants in the living room of her lavish townhouse. In point of fact, every exterminator she has summoned to rid her of those pesky insects would seem to have also been consumed by them. When asked why she hasn’t also been devoured by fire ants, she simply replied “mosquitoes don’t bite me either.” her constitution must be too rich for all blood blood suckers given her high protein diet. Sally maintains her foxy figure by strictly adhering to the Scarsdale Diet, on which she only eats investment bankers from Scarsdale in solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street movement.

sally-disguiseSo now for the big moment everyone has been waiting for–(drum-roll please), The premier of Sally latest film, Sally Takes to the Stage costarring the late Percy Pinchbottom and the Skeletor Adorables. There’s been no word as to whether Sally will be in attendance at the premier, since law enforcement are still on the lookout for her whereabouts. But who knows? Sally is a master of disguise, and could very well be mingling among the audience unnoticed. So without further adieu, we proudly present Sally the Cannibal Whore in Sally Takes to the Stage !

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After a thorough search of the star’s home, police have had no luck locating her. she remains in hiding.