Mitt Romney Declares Half Million Dollar Olympic Hobby Horse as a Business Expense While Claiming His Son’s Unfinished Basement As His Primary Residence

Every four years Olympic fever time comes around and everyone breathlessly watches sporting activities it would never occur to them to follow during off years.  I’ve never understood sports beyond realizing that people who participate in them are often in excellent physical shape and frequently very easy on the eyes.  My favorite sports are men’s gymnastics, men’s swimming and men’s water polo.  As an old gay man, the sports themselves are lost on me, but handsome men in Speedos or gymnastic uniforms catch and sooth my esthetic eye.

But if the Olympics are all inclusive, why can’t ducks and dogs participate?  If Mitt and Ann Romney’s $500,000 tax deductible “hobby” horse, Rafalca, can be in the Olympics, why not Winnie and Duck?  Winnie can do the high-jump and Duck is an expert swimmer par excellence.  Granted both have considerable handicaps when it comes to shot put and pole vaulting, but imagine Romney’s horse sitting out the Olympics and making the rider perform the dressage act all on his own!  The rider would look like a pulled-over drunk trying to walk a straight line during a Breathalyzer test.  So it’s the horse who’s really doing the competing.  I thought the Olympics were designed as a sporting competition for people?  Or “sport” as Romney calls it in his own unique android-speak.  It seems only fair that dogs and ducks should be able to qualify for the Olympics too.  Enjoyable as the Olympics may be – and for all the world harmony they’re touted as bringing to pass – truth to tell, little to no other news is covered while the games are taking place…

…Unless you’re Mitt Romney touring the globe proving to the world that not only does he posess no appreciable grasp of international affairs, he has a complete and total lack of tact; only opening his mouth to change feet offending one nation after another.  I wonder if Mitt Romney has a chemical imbalance in his brain that prevents him from adhering to one set of principals while maximizing his inability to make friends and influence people?  Given Mitt’s close historic alliance with the Olympics, his tour abroad was supposed to be his moment to shine.  Instead he’s only further proven himself to be an empty suit.  He offended our closest ally, Great Britain by criticizing how they’re handing hosting the games, calling it “disconcerting.”  He’s made a fool of himself in the the Holy Land as if he were visiting a theme park – then his gaff-laden comedy abroad came to a head with his own staff getting caught vulgarly cursing out the press within earshot of live microphones in Poland.  Smooth.  Real smooth.

Romney’s trip abroad was timed to coincide with the Olympics supposedly to be his time in the sun.  Instead it turned out to be his time under hot lights.  Even the Olympics Games couldn’t draw attention away from growing suspicions and mounting evidence that not only has the man shipped countless American jobs overseas and hidden untold fortunes in offshore bank accounts – it now appears that Romney didn’t pay taxes for at least ten years.  That’s why his tax records are never quite forthcoming.  As our team’s Olympic uniforms were being made in Chinese sweatshops, Romney and his battalion of slippery accountants loopholed their way past the IRS while the rest of us struggle to survive.  Even Romney’s horse gets special privileges to compete in the Olympics and to think infinitely talented animals like Winnie and Duck aren’t allowed to compete for the gold.  Meanwhile whatever sentimental gold Americans citizens have left is being sold-off to make ends meet because people like Romney have kept every last nugget for themselves.  This is not a presidential candidate capable of identifying with the struggles of the middle class nor can he grasp the proper course to fix our economy.  If Romney fixes the American economy, he’ll do so in his own favor while his half million dollar tax-deductible horse fox-trots its way toward the metal.

Romney’s trip abroad was a comedy of errors like nothing we’ve ever seen from a presidential candidate.  Clearly his horse Rafalca, is far better equipped to handle the spotlight of the world stage.  Perhaps the GOP should consider running the horse instead?  It’s painful watching Romney tap dance his way through one gaff after another.  By the way, according to Romney’s tax records, he’s listed his son’s unfinished basement as his primary residence.  I thought this was the man who owns more homes than any reasonable person needs – not to mention declaring his Olympiad horse as a business tax deduction.  Next thing you know he’ll be trying to tell us he was born in a saintly latter-day barn….

- Dissociated Press, 8/1/2012