Everything That Happens Within Mitt Romney’s Own Campaign Seems to Come as a Surprise to Him – Even Questions From Small Children

Everything that happens within his own campaign appears to come as a surprise to Mitt Romney.  A little boy today asked Romney at one of his rallies, what a ‘President Romney’ was going to do to save that child’s future.  Romney had no clear answer.  Nor did he when asked by a man in attendance about discrepancies in his tax record.   Romney’s been eying-up the presidency for what seems like decades, and now he’s the presumptive nominee.  Somehow he still doesn’t know where all his money is hidden and in what offshore bank accounts.

His ducks are not in a row.

Of course he really does know where his money is, but you’d have thought with the amount of forewarning and trial runs, he’d have cleaned-up his financial house, at least by way of public perception — but he hasn’t really done so to anyone’s satisfaction.  Mitt’s own father when running for president insisted that every candidate should disclose a full decade’s worth of tax and financial records.  George Romney’s son, Mitt, however hasn’t and can’t…

In fact offshore bank accounts is just about the full depth and breath of Mitt Romney’s understanding of foreign ‘policies.’  It has been Mitt’s ‘policy’ to squirrel-away millions and millions of dollars in foreign banks far away from his homeland where the money might do his own country some good.  Mitt has an estimated 32 million in blind-trusts abroad and no one is clear whether or not that includes holdings in wife, Ann’s name.  That’s Romney foreign policy number one.

Romney foreign policy number two is leveraging American companies into bankruptcy after selling all their assets once the value of the company has been keenly inflated, thus shafting purchasers and investors.  Then next step is to take the money and run while outsourcing the remaining American jobs overseas.  Not necessarily against the law, but skeevy and unethical.  While America is watching record growth in the corporate sector, average American lives are leaner than ever.  Why?  Their jobs are overseas, they’ve been robbed blind by corporate “people, my friend” and yet, Mitt wonders why there’s only 1500 people at one of his speeches and 15,000 attend one of Obama’s.  People know instinctively that Mitt Romney is not one of them.  Romney has had a long time to practice “looking” presidential and he still doesn’t have it down quite right.  He’s like an actor auditioning to play the role of a made-for TV president who looks great in a suit, but can’t wrap his mind around his lines or the part he’s expected to play.

Bearing in mind that a president is a president both at home and abroad, the third and most comical of Mitt’s foreign affairs resume is being a Mormon missionary in France during his youth.  That’s bound to be a ‘hit’ with France’s new socialist government.  Mitt Romney is a man who’s lived his entire life in a bell-jar.  We can see him, but he’s not breathing the same air as the rest of us.

With the full extent of Romney’s sorrowful grasp of foreign affairs – (from offshore banking and shipping jobs overseas to ringing doorbells to annoy the French) - it was curious to hear him criticize Obama for marking the one year anniversary of the death of Bin Laden.  Obama did so respectfully with some historic interviews (most notably with Brian Williams) and a series of very adept, stealth international maneuvers from Afghanistan to China.  (Shout-out to Hillary…)  Mitt, during that same time period was impersonating Rudy Giuliani’s best friend while pretending to deliver ‘photo-op’ pizza’s to a firehouse where 911 first responders were lost.  He called Obama’s conduct “inappropriate” and then smiled for the cameras in his own inappropriate and irrelevant way.  The last time Romney saw a pizza was most likely in the company of Donald Trump and neither of them know how to eat a slice without using sterling.

Mitt says he’d have made the very same call as Obama in ordering the strike on the Bin Laden compound.  We will never know for that sure…  But we’ve never known how to go about taking Mitt at his word — on any subject.  What we DO know, is Romney is on record as saying he would never approve a mission to Pakistan because they’re such good international friends and allies of ours.  Really?  Is he actually that naive?

Mitt’s foreign policy weaknesses were to be fielded by a top-notch foreign affairs adviser named Richard Grenell.  Sadly, Mr Grenell is openly homosexual, so Romney’s base pitched a fit on conservative talk radio resulting in the oust/outing of Mitt’s own best chance at getting up-to-speed on international affairs.  Didn’t Romney see that coming?  Truth to tell, gay republicans have always creeped-me-out too, but for different reasons than those held by neocons.

Romney’s only experience in governance (outside of imploding American companies through venture capitalism) was serving one term as governor in the state of Massachusetts.  At least he’s got ONE single, solitary entry on his resume that mentions governing…  But then why did pay $100,000 to have all his gubernatorial staff computers wiped-clean and records destroyed?  What exactly took place under his governance that would warrant an act like that?  Don’t ask Mitt, he’ll act as surprised as anyone else.  In fact, transparently so.


Hillary in China – A Contemporary Opera

What the American people sorely lacked during the confused malaise of the Bush/Cheney years was straightforward honesty and inspired leadership.  Now that the American people have those qualities in their national leaders, we’re facing an election year where you still hear voices longing for the bad-old-days of war, corruption and regressive thinking.  Could anyone imagine George W. Bush speaking with the same human honesty as Barack Obama this past week when he addressed American forces in Afghanistan?  It can’t have been easy telling them (and all of war-weary America) that we were about to dramatically draw-down the numbers of troops in that troubled region, but we will need maintain a presence for the unforeseeable future.  Could you hear Bush delivering that news with the same realism and compassion as Obama?  Could you hear Romney?  No, both would have lied.  Our president spoke from the heart telling forces there would be more injured bodies and more fallen comrades.  He didn’t insult their dignity by filling their heads with lies and propaganda.  Lies are what led us into this unfathomable soup.  It isn’t easy being honest and it isn’t easy cleaning-up after the madness left in the wake of Bush and Cheney’s incompetence.  The fact that we’re forced to stay in Afghanistan is a direct result of catastrophically mishandled foreign affairs courtesy of Bush, Cheney et al. ad nauseum…

History is built on what came before, the future isn’t history until it’s played-itself out well into tomorrow.  There are no reliable overnight results when the end goal is international peace and shared prosperity.

With an eye on the future, can anyone imagine Mitt Romney or the Republican clown-car handling the serial-disasters and set-backs that have befallen the Obama Administration due to the course set-upon-us by his predecessors?  What’s been apparent from the get-go, is Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were adversarial during Democratic primary — but mature-heads prevailed when they assumed their respective roles as world leaders representing our nation.  Barack and Hillary work together like a well-oiled machine.  Hillary is a brilliant Secretary of State — arguably one of our best.  Obama has shown wisdom, patience and courage unknown by anyone ever endorsed by Karl Rove or any president during my lifetime.  Obama needs to be reelected and Hillary, exhausted to not, should succeed him.  That is America’s best chance at regaining greatness and looking forward in the long term.  Keep the Republicans from having enough power to ever create the kind of disasters they made running-amok during their last turn at the helm.

Take care to follow current events.

Every step of the way Mitt Romney has criticized and misspoken with regard to the Obama/Biden-Clinton global strategy.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s been last year’s raid on Bin Laden’s compound or the following anniversary of Bin Laden death…  Be it Hillary’s delicate negotiations with China — ranging from trade and American debt — to human rights violations brokering a sane, thoughtful resolution to secure sanctuary for China’s famous blind-dissident (Chen Guangcheng.)  No matter what portion of the complex picture previously described, Mitt Romney was out-of-step every inch of the way.  He could never have fielded those curve-balls nor could he surround himself with the caliber of individuals who’ could.  Hillary adeptly maneuvered a deal where Chen gets an educational fellowship in the United States including sanctuary for he and his family — thus allowing China to save face and Hillary to make progress with our on-going myriad of shared problems.  All of the aforementioned accomplishments were in our combined, best international interests.

A byproduct of Hillary and Barack’s skillful handling of international affairs has pointed-out a stark contrast leaving thinking-voters to seriously doubt Romney’s ability to accomplish these same sorts of delicate negotiations AND lacking the intellectual resources to surround himself with people who could.  If Romney’s willing to ‘fold’ in the face of one right-wing conservative talk-radio host — and throw an accomplished foreign affairs adviser (Richard Grenell) under the bus for being openly gay — then this tells you something you need to pay very, very close attention-to:  Romney has no spine.  He will bow to the wishes of ideologues who don’t have enough sense to understand their own nation’s best interests.

It must be blinding peering through a fog of prejudice.

Voters have a choice this coming November to put aside issues of race, color, gender and creed and look very closely at who and what is going to genuinely serve them best in the next four years.  Somehow a suit-model like Mitt Romney doesn’t inspire my confidence.  I’m still not sure why he wants to run, what he stands for or how his ‘business acumen’ is going to do anything other than get us into even hotter water.  We’re better served with Obama/Biden knowing Hillary and her connections have our best international interests — and our backs.

The Cinco de Mayo Tradition of Beating a Papier-Mache Effigy of Mitt Romney Until His Candy Falls Out

Happy Cinco de Mayo to all the illegal aliens who’ve grown-up in the United States not of their own choosing knowing this, our country as the primary land in which they were raised and educated.  I hope you’re eventually granted your wish by way of the ‘Dream Act.’  And while I’d prefer people immigrate to America under existing laws and guidelines, those laws and guidelines have not been in any constructive way streamlined…  I’ve seen people suffer through that process, and truth to tell, they emerge knowing more about America and American history and law than most of the knuckleheads who want the United States to become global isolationists.  So many people already here deserve the chance to prove they’re American than what the neocons are ready to accept.

It’s important to point out, given Mitt Romney’s hardline and heartless stance on illegal aliens, that Mitt’s own father was born in Mexico and didn’t set foot in the United States of America until he was six years old.  Mitt’s father, George Romney also ran for president, declaring his legitimacy under an “exception” as certain relatives had retained United States citizenship.  Back in the 1880’s, when Utah went from a territory to a state, Mormon polygamy laws were overturned and great-grand-pappy Romney had to hightail it out of America with a bench-warrent snappin’ at his rear and all five wives in tow.  (That’s four spares in case you lost count.)  He founded a Mormon polygamist colony where Romney relatives still live to this day.

So you’d think Mitt Romney would have more compassion for people born elsewhere seeking freedom and opportunity.  After all, Romney’s own ancestors emigrated to Mexico so his ‘randy’ old grand-pappy could stchump five separate wives…  Mitt’s branch of the Romney family immigrated BACK to the United States to escape the Mexican Revolution.  Granted Mexican Independence and the Mexican Revolution are not the same thing, but nevertheless, I feel to celebrate the day we should send Mitt Romney and his clan back to Mexico, and give immunity to foreign peoples from wherever they originate if they’re already living productive lives here in the United States.  America should not be in the business of tearing families apart.

I wonder if we can find a flimsy excuse to deport Arizona’s Gov. Jan Brewer while we’re at it…?  Sadly, too-difficult to look-at while bearing an uncanny resemblance to the Gorgon sisters isn’t currently against the law.  It’s only ‘arresting’ at best.

We Have A Winner For the Betty Page Beat-off A Neocon Contest: The Wrong Reverend Sean Harris

WinnieToons is proud to announce a surprise winner for the Duck D. Duck Betty Page “Beat-off A Neocon” contest.  Even though Reverend Sean Harris was not an official contestant, he has won in a landslide, so let the ‘cat-of-nine tails’ start a crackin’…  Reverend Harris apparently didn’t get the memo that psychologists, psychiatrists and scientists worldwide concur after exhaustive studies, that men who express extreme homophobia are most likely trying to suppress those same feelings and desires within themselves.  On the count of three, everyone click their heels together and say “Sean Harris is a buggering faggot from hell.”

Nothing like a little Sharia Law directly from the Qur’an to scare the be-Jesus out of Christian babies.  Harris, a North Carolina pastor gave a sermon at his church this past Sunday giving “special dispensation” to parishioners to “punch” their effeminate little boys AND be on the lookout for butch, tomboyish behavior in little girls.  Reverend Harris, clearly a closeted S&M queen must be trying to increase the regional statistics for gay teen suicide.  We’ve come to expect nothing less from bible-belt clergy.  The youth who survive his parish and deranged “teachings” will be left with a lifetime of self-hatred and diminished self-worth — feeling guilty for being gay — which is NOT a choice.  Anyone reading or listening to his quote will most likely agree, that while Reverend Sean Harris didn’t get his application in on-time, special dispensation should be made for him to be this year’s ‘Duck D. Duck Betty Page Beat-off a Neocon Contest.’

In closing, Winnie, Duck and Beihl are of the opinion that Reverend Harris should be legally listed as a danger to children and be issued a restraining order enforcing that he not be allowed within 600 yards of anyone under the age of 18 years old, including his own children.  And if adults have any sense, they’ll keep their distance from him too.  He is not a genuine ‘man of God’ but he is one freakin’ sick puppy, and none too bright a-one at that.  His words below are in Satanic Red, to match Duck D. Duck’s own manicured nails, polished to perfection.  Which is what she’s about to do to the right-wing-wrong “reverend’s” ignorant, bony ass.

“So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, ‘Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that is what boys do,’ you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male. And when your daughter starts acting too butch, you reign her in. And you say, ‘Oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.'”

Click here for the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/north-carolina-pastor-sea_n_1468618.html


Callista Gingrich Elected Prom-Queen of Lunar Colony As Husband Bows Out of the Race

Since there’s only bits and pieces left of Zsa Zsa Gabor, she will be unable to play the role of Callista Gingrich in the remake of ‘Queen of Outer Space.’  On the bright side, Callista’s husband, Newt, remains the Emperor of the first lunar colony known as ‘Callistami.’  (Which is on the moon for those of you whom I’ve already confused…)  Her husband, Newt is the the gaseous ‘Colossus of Callistami.’  Newt is proud to present collectors with a special one-time offer.  Newt has a deal for trivia collectors worldwide: A signed copy of almost anything and an evening of dinner, dancing (and come what may) with wife, Callista.  It’s under ‘personals’ on Craigslist.  All proceeds go to the ‘Bail Newt Gingrich Out of Debt Before We Have to Sell the Jewelery Afterthought SuperPAC.’  In further news, jewelery, like fancy vanity cars, all have a 400% mark-up.  You barely drive ‘em off the lot before they’re not worth their trade-in value or mileage per gallon.

Question:   Am I the only one who found the prospect of Callista Gingrich being first lady, the only thing more frightening than her husband being president?  Tenants like that would have made a mess of the White House.

The Gingrich campaign is millions of dollars in the hole (quite literally where Callista is concerned) and now facing more than right-wing book-sales to bail themselves-out of the dept they’ve landed themselves-in.  I see ‘Celebrity Jeopardy’ in the Gingrich’s future…  Or perhaps ‘Dancing With the Stars?’  Callista could never do ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’  She’s already done that complete with cloakroom interview.  Newt, on the other hand, would be perfect for ‘To Tell the Truth’ or ‘I’ve Got A Secret,’ but both programs are only in reruns in Outer Space being being transmitted through TelStar — just now being picked-up by ham-radio operators on Planet Zavnar.

All kidding aside…

you know what I think for real?  I wish we were forming a lunar colony.  Unfortunately we Americans, like the Gingrich’s spent all our cash reserves on idiotic ideas so we can’t afford a cruise to the moon.   We went to war and stole ourselves into a hole instead.  It’s better that we solve our problems here on earth and THEN see what we can do to fuck-up the moon.  Why the hell not?  The human race are a curious and hungry breed of parasites.  We planet-crabs will never be satisfied with merely destroying the earth.  We need to branch out.  Frighten deep-breaths out of Sigourney Weaver.  Make our mark on the Universe…  That is all Newt Gingrich was trying to say.  That WAS his presidential message.  Eat everything on your way to Tiffany’s, Harry Winston’s or Zale’s and let the earth and humankind be damned as long as he and his are fed and fed well.  Fortunately for us, Mitt Romney was able to out-spend and out-embarrass the Gingrich’s — take that however you like.

Pitted against choices like Newt Gingrich, how could Mitt Romney loose?  And with bravado-realism beyond slight-of-hand as demonstrated by Barack Obama on the anniversary of the death of Osama Bin Laden, Newt, Mitt, Ron and the whole GOP clown car are left in a trail of moon-dust only Obama seems to know how to conjure.  In warp-speed.  Oh, and Newt Gingrich was attacked by a penguin.  Twice.  I guess that’s what he meant by “the end of [his] second term…”

Look, Callista’s receiving messages from the ‘Mutha Ship’ now…!!!  I wonder if she realizes all she has left are cubic zirconias and terrible taste in men?

- Dissociated Press, 5/3/2012

VOTE for Your Favorite GOP Betty Page Drag Queen: 1st Prize is a Flogging by Duck D. Duck

VOTE for your favorite GOP Betty Page drag queen: 1st Prize is a flogging by Duck D. Duck.  It is important to point out that no ducks will be harmed, and no winners will enjoy themselves.  There are no other prizes, and readers will receive only the satisfaction of seeing their favorite neocon humiliated.  We Received an embarrassment of rich suggestions both here on the blog and via email and Facebook.  Had we not narrowed down the finalists to 10, you could have seen Reince Priebus in drag but as I couldn’t tell him from Rowan Atkinson, why bother…?  Write-in your vote in the comments section at the bottom of this post with the name of your neocon of choice.  We’re very low-tech here at WinnieToons.


1.) Mitt Romney.  The only man who can look boring even in full drag.  His wife, Ann says Mitt is a ‘wild and crazy guy.’  We just can’t wait to see that side of him in action…

2.) New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie, for whom this is a very ‘slimming’ look, is busy destroying the Garden State – who knew it could actually get worse?  Governor Christie was last seen on the road with Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker’s Dog and Pony Show to reign-in the rights of his constituents.


3.)  House of Representatives leader from Virginia, and power hungry blithering dunderhead, Eric Cantor.  Cantor wants to see John Boehner abducted by space aliens so he can be anointed as the Speaker of the House.  His primary interests are himself and himself.


4.) Financial “wizard” and rising star of the descending party, Paul Ryan is responsible for the ‘Paul Ryan Budget Plan’ designed to undermine the American way of life even further while padding the pockets of the rich.  He also wants your grandmother to die.


5.) Bible-thumper and and living, breathing intestinal blockage toward all progress in civilization, Worldwide Ministry preacher, John Hagee.  Something tells me the “reverend” who got his divinity degree from ‘Our Lady of Consensual Sodomy Boys Academy’ might enjoy that flogging just a little too much.  Just sayin’…


6.)  Ann Coulter, who didn’t completely grasp the rules of entry, misunderstood, and thought it was a Peggy Lee look-a-like contest.   And it was an admirable effort on her part indeed.  Pictured here, where Ann was last spotted leaving large foot-prints in the Himalayas.



7.) Republican ‘Speaker of the House,’ John Boehner was extremely moved when he heard he had made the ‘cut.’  Mr Boehner could use a good flogging if only to give him a moment of relief from trying to reason with the ‘Tea Party’ element in his congress of baboons.


8.) Senator Mitch McConnell’s unrivaled natural beauty made him a shoe-in for this and any beauty contest.  If nothing else, she’s bound to place for ‘Miss Congeniality’ or ‘Miss Enthrope.’



9.)  Grover Norquist wields an unusual amount of power for a non-elected, self-appointed emperor of all he surveys.  He has already seen to it all the other contestants have signed a pledge guaranteeing they will vote for him.



10.)  Last but not least are everyone’s favorite fraternal Siamese twins, Charles and David Koch who’s blouse had to be specially made to accommodate their combined grotesque form.  As the offspring of one of the founders of the John Birch Society, they show how apples don’t fall far from the tree – even pollutant-mutant apples.

Post your vote for the Neocon bad boy (or girl) you most want to see flogged by Duck D. Duck.  No dogs will be harmed either.

- Dissociated Press, 5/2/2012