We’re Finally Nearing the Right Path, Don’t Mess It Up by Electing Some Monosyllabic Republican With Good Hair

The United State is — well — in a “state.”  A state of disarray a long time in the making.  Nothing but obstinate Republican obstacles have been thrown in our president’s path over the past three years plus…  When Barack Obama extended his hand, the GOP withdrew theirs.  Not metaphorically — literally — I watched it with my own eyes on C-SPAN.  I’m discouraged to hear people I’d expect to know better saying “I voted for change and I didn’t get it.”  But they don’t give a moment’s thought as to why.  We all voted for change, but what we got was a fierce GOP resistance to change orchestrated by a frightening right wing filibuster-machine every time the president attempted to implement constructive measures to propel us forward.  Meanwhile the ‘left’ unfairly put Obama on a pedestal, and the ‘right’ has been attempting to put a noose around his head and kick the pedestal out from under him ever since.

Those who ‘can’t’ criticize, and it’s become perfectly clear the Republican Party cannot govern nor govern fairly — but they can criticize.  It took a lot of years worth of greed to get this country into our current state of affairs — and we’re not going to pull ourselves out as quickly as we change TV channels with the remote.  The news covers GOP knuckleheads blaming Obama for the economy or whatever ‘kvetch’ of the week test-markets best with the Republican think-tanks.  Say what they will, here is the fact: The impatient American public fails to grasp they’re still suffering the effects of the Bush presidency and probably will be for years to come — and likely prolong their suffering if they foolishly elect Romney.  Don’t underestimate the GOP.  Their genius is getting people to vote counter to their own best interests.

Obama leveled with us from the start in saying our problems cannot be fixed in one term or even two.  It might take several presidencies to back us out of the swamp the Bush Administration stranded-us in.  We didn’t get here over night.   It’s been a constant, concerted effort on the part of the GOP to shrink the middle-class — frankly ever since Ronald Regan’s fairytale about “tinkle-down-economics.”  I do, however, think Obama was naïve in not realizing the degree of racial hatred and constipated immobility the GOP would be willing to stoop-to in order to keep the American economy on the brink of disaster.  And why?  In hopes the voting public would forget how they got in this mess, so the GOP could regain the White House.  It’s a chess game to them.

Obama rightfully hoped and believed there would be some measure of bipartisanship, but there was none forthcoming.  He has not been allowed to govern to the full extent of his talent and abilities.  The president has demonstrated the patience of Job these past few years.  The best reelection hand he’s been dealt is the blithering idiocy of the GOP presidential run-off.  But there are frightening numbers of Americans who will discount and ignore Obama’s accomplishments — even work to reverse them merely to see the next president, no matter how idiotic, be a rich white man.

Obama inherited a nation in profound crisis compounded by congressional gridlock.  Tragically in certain sectors of the nation we still have an incredibly stupid electorate, some of whom still labor under the absurd notion that the Obama presidency is illegitimate.  We have liberals who thought all they had to do was vote for Obama, and everything would be fixed in the blink of an eye.  But did any of those people DO anything to help?  No!!!  Half of them didn’t even remember to vote during in the 2010 midterms.  Nevertheless, so many Democrats want to see Obama get blazing angry.  They want to see him yell with hell-fire.  And what exactly would that prove?  Nothing.  It would only bring him down to the level of your average generic republican presidential hopeful.

I hate to say this, but I’m afraid we might have a president who is too good for his own country.  Obama hasn’t failed.  We as Americans have failed.  American politicians have failed, God knows the banks all but literally failed.  Corporate America has failed.  And we’re all failing to heal the racial divide.  We want our national problems to fix themselves as we sit back and watch ‘Dancing With the Stars’ somehow expecting the world will remain our oyster.  Oysters, if you recall become oyster stew in Alice in Wonderland when they listened to a rich, greedy politician who leads them down the wrong path.  We’re finally nearing the right path.  Don’t mess it up by electing some monosyllabic republican with good hair.  This year the stakes are far too crucial for us to wind-up back in the stew.

The Day “Liberal” Stopped Being a Dirty Word and Got “Progressive”

I’ve been noticing a trend for a while now… a softening toward the word ‘liberal.’ Part of that may be due to the more appropriate choice of the word ‘progressive’ supplanting ‘liberal’ as an effective counterbalance to the word ‘conservative.’  Suddenly it seems the word ‘conservative’ is taking-on negative connotations like what had once dogged the word ‘liberal.’

And so the pendulum swings…

It’s a shame.  ‘Conservative’ is a good word when used with the correct definition, intonation and spirit.  ‘Conservative’ in contemporary political terms has come to denote a backward ‘stand-still’ — an immovability when confronted with change — hiding behind religious faith while not adhering to the principles of religious charity…  Conservatism these days is a license for selfish, obstinate behavior and a refusal to accept how the world – ‘IS’ – and continues to swirl in a never-ending state of change.

‘Conservative’ is a derivation of the word ‘conserve.’  If we’re talking about conserving our national forests, our national resources, our wild-life, our historic treasures, there is no prouder word — but those aren’t the priorities political conservatives stand for.  ‘Liberal’ once meant ‘hippie-dippy-way-out-there-extremes’ — generally off-putting to people resistant to the winds of change.  The winds have long since changed and conservationism has taken-on the grunting connotation of an intestinal-blockage.

‘Conservative’ politics are the standard-bearer of greed, subliminal racial separation, resistance to social change, hawkish attitudes toward war while depleting our national resources for expedient profit (let the future be damned) because we still go to church.  In a word: “hypocrisy.”  Moderate republicans long ago disappeared from the face of the earth like the dinosaurs before them.   (And probably dissolved into the oil reserves to give them no hope of reemerging…)   It would be nice to have two reasonable political parties to choose-from.  In light of post-Bush Republican disarray, it was wise of left-leaning political forces to adopt the word ‘progressive.’  As hard as anyone may try to make this world stand-still, progress is the definition of change and change is the definition of the world.  America is a nation built on change and innovation.  We’re a nation with a changing demographic regarding race, ethnicity, religion, age, gender, gender-orientation AND information-technology — which facilitates and disseminates the trends of all sociopolitical change.

The ultimate undoing of the right-wing has always been its strict adherence to the dogma of standing-still while concurrently trying to march us all backwards toward the middle ages.  Look at how FOX News almost never reports a story where all the dots connect — especially if you follow other news outlets to make informed comparisons.  Skewed news is FOX’s prime offering to viewers who want to hear what they want to hear and not what they need to hear.  When was the last time anyone heard a retraction correcting false or skewed reporting on FOX?

The Murdock/FOX machine’s genius is blending progressive/liberal entertainment programming with right-wing conservative news coverage.  They’re quick to jump-on any bandwagon calling climate change a myth and glorifying all attempts to debunk science.  They’re first to air flimsy accounts favoring the George Zimmerman side of the Treyvon Martin tragedy no matter how illogical…  They’re quick to demonize Barack Obama after a speech, when anyone genuinely listening heard ‘inclusion’ and ‘workable ideas’ to move us forward from our national troubles domestically or through sensible foreign policy.  The right-wing and their media mouthpieces are tone-deaf.  FOX News and other right wing news outlets always find a way to distort words and events by reinterpreting the message so it dovetails with thinly veiled racism and champions corporate greed.

I’ve had several friends employed in high places in the FOX News machine.  Two of them said (nearly in tandem) that leaving the FOX New organization felt like they’d just had “a long needed shower to wash away the taint.”  A third friend was mistreated and let-go by FOX once she was no longer, herself, a ‘fox.’  As if age and appearance were a detriment to delivering a news story.  That situation eventually landed in court and the less said, the better.

The world watched FOX’s ‘News Corporation’ moguls, Rupert Murdock and his son, James tap-dance in front of the British Parliament this past year over ‘alleged’ unethical journalistic practices.   Intelligent Americans didn’t need to think long or hard to realize those ‘ethics’ or lack thereof jumped the pond a long time ago.  It’s such a shame that cream pie missed hitting Murdock’s mug square-on.  (Who knew his trophy wife had such a fierce backhand?)  The ‘conservative brand’ has outlived its shelf-life and the stank is too rancid to ignore.

Another example: Clear Channel Network’s Rush Limbaugh, leading the Republican Party’s attack on women made their true colors come to light:  Keep the entire female sex subservient, because that’s how its always been… ‘conserve the status quo.’  That is, after all, the ‘conservative’ way of thinking.  Rich white men have always ruled the world.  Change frightens and emasculates them.

My late mother, Grandma Betty was a life-long conservative Republican.  She voted for George W. Bush during the first election.  When it came time for his re-election bid, she was so appalled by Bush’s handling of the presidency, she switched camps.  Since she was wheelchair-bound I got her an absentee ballot because she wanted to vote for John Kerry.  It was her first time casting a ‘democratic’ vote since FDR was president during World War II…  By the time the next election rolled around Grandma Betty had to be placed in a nursing home and undergo the usual cognitive tests administered to seniors.  Shortly before she passed away, the cognitive therapist asked her “Mrs Whiting, can you tell me who is the president of the United States?”  My mother, a product of her generation said, “That nice-looking, well-spoken young black man.”  I thought that was a pretty good answer and a very graceful conclusion to reach following a 90 year ‘conservative’ journey.

I only hope it doesn’t take the rest of the nation another 90 years…

 

GUNS – HUH – What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nuthin’

Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know, it’s your 2nd Amendment right to bear arms, I’ve heard it all before.  I still wish it was a fashion endorsement for sleeveless shirts.  I’m reasonably certain the framers of the Constitution weren’t anticipating ‘Stand Your Ground and Shoot First’ laws, let alone the magnitude of weaponry now available on the market.   I have lots of friends who choose to own guns and I respect their right to own them only because it’s within the law, and none of them at the moment are waiving one at me.  Most people would be far safer without a gun in their possession.  Trayvon Martin would certainly have been safer AND alive had George Zimmerman not been allowed to own a gun, which no doubt emboldened Zimmerman’s paranoia clouding whatever common sense he might possess.

In excess of 100,000 people are victims of gun violence in America every year.  The African American community comprises only 13% of the nation’s population but close to 54% of all gun-violence occurs within that population.  This is not to imply other races have declared open season on black Americans — there is, however overwhelming statistical evidence that most of that tragic statistic is black on black violence.  I repeat.  Nothing good comes from guns.

We watch young people like Trayvon Martin killed every day.  Killed in a world overwhelmed with gun violence.  The news over the past couple decades has  been full of mass shootings on school and college campuses while gun advocates push the limits for the right to carry firearms — including right onto school grounds.  We look at former Arizona Representative Gabriel Giffords faced with the course of her life unalterably changed forever by an imbecile with a gun.  She and the others around her were killed or wounded by way of a previously banned extended magazine clip — now legal thanks to the infinite lack of wisdom of George W. Bush…  The senseless war in Afghanistan has escalated to even worse nightmarish violence (if imaginable) because of a deranged, war-weary soldier murdering children in their beds at night…

When is enough, enough?

There’s a special gun-chamber in hell for the NRA, who’s sole mission is to extend as wide a berth around gun availability as possible to reinforce their own paranoid need to have firearms by their sides.  100,000+ people are wounded or killed annually for this “right” — which in many states is extended to rapid-fire assault weapons.  Are we serious?  Someone actually “needs” to own rapid-fire assault weapons?  Come on now…  I can’t help but wonder if there’s ever been an IQ study done of strident gun advocates?  I’d wager the results would be comparable to the recent Brock University study in Ontario, Canada that concluded after extensive testing, racists and conservatives scored considerably lower IQ test results than open-minded progressives.  I’d always suspected as much, but since conservatives don’t put stock in scientific evidence, they’re most likely not listening any way.  I’d be curious to know whether people who feel an overwhelming need to own a gun don’t secretly WANT to use that gun(?)   Is there’s something primal within them?  Like an instinct for aggression and a need to render control over others — be they people or animals…

100 million birds are shot and killed every year “for sport,” most of them waterfowl causing no harm to anyone, aside from a little extra dung at the lakeside.  Some people derive satisfaction out of that “sport.”  Real brave of them too.  Another 100 million birds are killed annually by house cats, not for food, but through an instinctive animal pleasure linked to the kill.  It’s my unscientific suspicion, that the less evolved among humankind feel stronger urges to kill, stronger urges to display control over others and languish in more imaginary threats and fears, than do better educated and more thoughtful people.  The constant anticipation of threat invariably becomes it’s own self-fulfilling prophecy.  Unless, of course you’re a sitting duck — in which case you’ve got to look out for both guns AND house cats.  Duck D. Duck is considering switching from a hoodie to full suit of body armor — and who can blame her?

STOP…!!! In the Name of Health… Will This Be One of the Supreme’s Greatest Hits or Misses? Think it Oh-Oh-ver…

The last arguments have been made to the Supreme Court about Affordable Health Care, and now nine judges have the health and well-being of the entire nation in their hands.  The same judicial body who thought ‘Citizen United’ was a good idea (and look at what a stupefying disaster that turned into…)  Are nine mere mortals capable of keeping our best interests at heart?  Of the nine judges in black robes (five of whom think corporations are people) qualified to lord over us while determining what’s best for real, living, breathing human beings?  It’s anyone’s guess…  (Note: There are some new judges appointed to the bench, but the conservative/progressive balance remains the same.)  Deliberations will take several months, and we won’t know the decision about the Affordable Health Care Act until the release of an official opinion sometime in June.  A lot is riding on this decision.

For instance, people are now mandated, by law, to have insurance to cover the homes they’ve purchased.  Drivers are mandated to have insurance on the cars they drive.  If the Affordable Health Care Act is struck-down, what happens to the other mandates?  Will a legal precedent be set leaving victims of the irresponsibility of others be left to fend for themselves?  Think of the harm that will be done to innocent people who’ve been impacted by the decisions and negligence caused by drivers and homeowners if they’re no longer required to carry insurance?  Switching gears, Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security are government mandated insurance-related programs.  If the Affordable Health Care Act is struck-down as unconstitutional, will that cause the foundation be pulled out from under other social reform programs catapulting us back to a less humane society?  Will the poor, the elderly and the infirmed find themselves living in the abysmal squalor we fought to eradicate in the 19th and 20th centuries?

In my opinion the amount of gas emitted by the Supreme Court effecting our daily lives is terrifying — especially when you think of a mental midget like George W. Bush having had the authority to select judges for life-long appointments — four and a half of whom have already proven themselves to be activist-judges leaning in the direction of conservative, backward thinking.  Do we want to see another debacle like the Supreme Court’s culpability in appointing George W. Bush as our president in opposition to the popular vote…?  Therefore by association giving us all the misery we’ve since endured due to the ridiculous ineptitude of the Bush administration.  This IS, after all, an election year…

The single most pressing issue on the minds of every American is the economy.  Where I fault the Republican Party is the fact they’re primarily the ones who got us into this economic mess.  Add to that, the GOP are masters at messaging an agenda that persuades citizens to take positions AND cast votes which are counter to their own best interests.

Where I fault the Democrats, is their failure to make a persuasive case for health care reform to the American public in a way the common person can understand.  People need to realize the burden created by for-profit health care as it has stood for so many decades has been a major contributing factor to the collapse of our economy — and furthermore, it’s been a moral outrage.  We finally have a president who has our best interests at heart.  Obama’s turning around our economy and extricating us from ill-advised financially-draining wars — wars that send back countless people missing limbs or suffering psychological trauma…  In short, people needing health care — and we already know the previous administration in tandem with insurance companies and the health care industry have failed countless war heroes, allowing them to slip through bureaucratic Veteran Administrative cracks.  You only see the success stories on ‘feel-good’ television magazine programs.  I’m glad that soldier has been given a new face, or is running a marathon with artificial legs.  I still maintain it would have been better had none of it happened in the first place — but it did…

I for one don’t want to change course and head back from whence we came.  Think about it…  Nine people can change all that matters in one deadly game of chess — and we’re the pawns.

 

If State Mandated Health Care Is Deemed Unconstitutional — Then How Can State Mandated Trans-Vaginal Ultrasounds BE Constitutional…?

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments pro and con concerning government mandated affordable health care.  They are not at the moment hearing any cases about state mandated trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  Both involve the government telling you what you are obligated to do with the health and welfare of your own body by way of a government mandate.  Both require by government mandate that the individual must pay.  If government mandated health care is potentially deemed unconstitutional, then what justification can there possibly be for state mandated trans-vaginal ultrasounds?  Common sense dictates if one is constitutional, so potentially is the other – and if one is unconstitutional, then so potentially is the other.   It’s a very simple equation – and I believe a sound one.  The question boils down to which way the conservative religious-right want it served to them?  Because they can’t have it both ways.

If conservatives think it’s OK for big government to shove a wide-radius, 10″ long electrified metallic cattle-prod up in-between a person’s legs against their will — and then force them to pay out of pocket for the indignity…  Then HOW in the next breath can they throw a body-block against single-payer state-mandated health insurance?   The parallels are obvious to anyone who takes the time to give it serious contemplation.  The main difference is the trans-vaginal ultrasounds are driven by misguided religious mythology — and health care reform is driven by a sense of humanity and the practical effort to take the financial burden off the state having to to carry payments for the uninsured who visit hospitals and emergency rooms…  Not to mention implementing merciful measures like abolishing insurance denials for preexisting conditions and other profit-motivated injustices instigated by wealthy insurance barons.  Obviously there should have been a universal health care option.  But there is no reason for a non-medically necessary trans-vaginal ultrasound.

The right-wing can’t have it both ways based on their own convoluted interpretation of ancient biblical texts that have no bearing on contemporary life or medical advances — ONLY to ignore the human rights accomplishments of the past century.  You’ll notice the bible (in both testaments) is ripe with troubling inconsistencies concerning human rights.  Example: Leviticus 25:45 “Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy and they shall be your possession they shall be your bondmen forever.”  Or this salacious tidbit:  Exodus 21:2 & 7 “If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.  And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.”  Hmmm, neither of these quotes (of which there were too MANY from which to choose) pass the common-sense morality smell-test.

The bible is also FULL of passages where the Lord sanctions parents killing children.  So much for anti-abortion logic:  Deuteronomy 21:18-21  “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town.  They shall say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death.”  So, in other words, abortion is terrible, but the Lord sanctions painful, torturous death to a living child as A-OK if the child happens to be a lazy hormonal teenager who drank a little too much beer.  This, children of God is royally fucked-up.

I prefer this passage in Matthew 17:15 “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is a lunatic and is very ill; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water.”  I like that kid, if I had a kid, that’s what be what he’d be up to — apples not falling far from the Animal House.  Face it boys and girls, both testaments of the bible are comprised from centuries and centuries of oral-tradition neatly embellished along the way like ‘whisper down the barrel’ — some parts dropped — other things added with a pinch of human exaggeration.  After time, it all got written-down in a variety of languages, not all of which translate with the same meanings and inferences.  Before you know it, people in high places were editing religious texts to suit their own agenda while passing it off as the ‘Word of God.’  In no time at all, every freakin’ religion in the world (not just Christianity) became a twisted mess of contradictions — so much so, you can pick and choose any passage from any religious text — or part thereof — to justify nearly anything you like, whether or not it has any bearing on logic or common decency.

You know what makes sense both morally and fiscally?  Universal health coverage for all people as a human right, and not as a lucrative business that blackmails people merely trying to live in reasonably good health.  Matthew 10:8  “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those afflicted with leprosy, expel demons. You have received without paying, so give without asking payment.”  I was able to find biblical support repeatedly for universal health care, but not word-one about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  Seems to me it makes logical moral sense not to pick and choose political definitions of morality based on archaic mythology and then impose it on others as arcane law.  I couldn’t find any biblical mention of frozen embryos but I’ll keep on looking…

 

T’was the Night Before Health Care and All Through the House – No Make That the Supreme Court

T’was the night before Health Care and all through the House

a de-bate was brewing over who’d be the louse…?

The Supreme Court was trying how not to look bias,

while preexisting conditions all hung in the balance.

When what to my constitutional eyes should appear,

but Santorum, the closet queen – the one who hates queers.

He screamed at reporters using vile words like ‘bullshit,’

The media all heard the asshole, sayin’ “you just stepped in-it.”

Gone Bachman, gone Herman, gone Perry and Huntman,

All they’ve left now is Gingrich, Ron Paul and a Santorum.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear?

But Mitt Romney pretending to be Obama, so why should we veer?

“Dammit all, Dammit all, Dammit all,” cried Santorum.

For he was the one who said all their faults were ’cause of ‘em.

Why switch from Obama if there’s no difference between them?

Santorum’s voice full of bluster, with sweat and a tear,

Lost his cool before cameras sensing that failure was near.

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all…

You’ve got nothing to offer, not even a conciliatory beer.

The women don’t want trans-vaginal ultrasounds,

ESPECIALLY if Rush wants to watch…

Republicans are idiots obsessed with your crotch.

And poor little Ricky with his weird crooked face,

Is left facing reality, he needs to get out of the race.

Even Gingrich and Ron Paul and Mittens all fear,

no matter what happens, 2012 is just not their year.

The Pope in Cuba, Playing With Dolls and Giving the Sacraments With Blessed Piña Coladas

Pope Benedicthead left Mexico for Cuba today for three days of sun, serfs and the best Cuban cigars.  He hopes his visit will point out the many similarities between communism and Roman Catholic church.  Both rely heavily on brain-washing and both afford lavish lifestyles to those in the seat of power.

Castro II will meet with Benedicthead XVI this afternoon for piña coladas and compare jovial stories about communism and the Pope’s own early boyhood experiences dabbling in fascism.  There’s no word as to whether retired leader, Fidel Castro will be meeting with the pope.  Castro the elder was quoted as saying, “If I need tips on preserving sainted bodies under glass, I’ll tap my contacts in Moscow.”  However, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, will be seeing the Pope while receiving cancer treatments in Havana and believes a little Catholic mumbo-jumbo can’t possibly hurt now that the Venezuelan dictator realizes he’s mortal and totally spooked about it.

Benedicthead will be spending unsupervised time with the island’s patron saint, a diminutive doll-like figurine known as the Virgin of Charity of El Cobre.  What he intends to do with the doll is only a matter of speculation, but the Pope is known to carry large quantities of hat-pins at all times.  The pontiff will lead a Mass in honor of the Virgin in Santiago de Cuba celebrating the 400th anniversary of the statuette being found floating in the Bay of Pigs in 1612 by fishermen.  In reference to how the doll was found, an aged Fidel Castro said “Let that be a warning to the Pope if he mentions the squalor and economic disarray.  What’s he think this is, post-Bush America?”

 

Two White Creeps Spotted in Public Wearing Hoodies and No One Attempts to Shoot at Them

When two white creeps are spotted in public wearing hoodies, no one thinks anything of it.  Nor does anyone attempt to shoot at them.  Now might be a good time to take some harmless pot-shots.  I don’t approve of guns and I think the NRA (Nitwits Ruining America) shouldn’t have any sway over gun laws, as they’re clearly the ones who’ve learned nothing about firearms or gun laws.  The NRA steadfastly maintains, “guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”  Let’s rethink that…  Take the guns out of the hands of irresponsible idiots, and the the former gun-toting nincompoops are reduce to throwing mud and garbage.  Guns do kill people, AND by the way, hoodies do NOT.

Geraldo Rivera is a junk-journalist with a five-day career on day six.  That’s why POX Spews hired him.  Rivera is willing to stoop to any kind of embarrassing remark in the pursuit of ratings.  Take for instance a stupid comment like: “I am urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters particularly not to let their children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin‘s death as much as George Zimmerman was.”  Ahhhh – NO…  George Zimmerman is responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death because he’s an imbecile with a prior record, who’s been allowed to have a gun license.  You will note in the photo above, that Geraldo Rivera, himself an Hispanic, is out in public wearing a hoodie.  He’s sitting next to Bill O’Reilly, a bigot wearing a hoodie.  How that evening ended without O’Reilly not shooting Rivera dead out of pure sportsmanship is nothing short of pure luck.  Or bad aim.

One would think a “seasoned journalist” like Geraldo Rivera would have figured out by now when you say something incredibly stupid on national television, people can hear you.  They hear you say it out loud while they watch your lips moving when you’re saying it.  When people hear you, they absorb what you’ve said and can play it back over and over because you’re being recorded.  We could have been spared this entire moronic dialogue had someone on his camera crew had the presence of mind to seal him off in Al Capone’s tomb when they had the chance.  Shut-up Geraldo.  Just Shut-up.

Dick Cheney Gets a New Heart, Now All He Needs Is A Brain – the Courage – and to Click His Ruby Slippers Together

Dick Cheney got a new heart today.  Now all he needs is a brain… the courage and to click his heels together and go home.  Cheney, who was the former acting president under figurehead, George W. Bush, has undergone a heart transplant reportedly donated by a deceased person who didn’t vote for him, which was granted as a special request by the Cheney family.  Dick Cheney, who helped spread death worldwide among both humans and marine-life alike, was hoping his new ‘organ’ would come from fresh kill – preferably a democrat.  Currently serving as Satan’s representative here on earth, Cheney is recovering in a Virginia hospital, according to a spokes-slave answering to the Dark Lord of petrol-wars.

Cheney, 71, a Republican who served as acting president while George W Bush moved his lips, has had a long history of not knowing whether or not he had a heart.  All indications are he was born without one.  Most recently Cheney has been sucking the life out of American taxpayers to the tune of fifteen billion dollars and counting to keep himself alive — exceeding what it would cost to give universal health care coverage to every single decent American currently struggling to afford dental care.

A spokes-creature for Mr Cheney, unfolding his bat wings said the former VP was recovering especially well, especially as other individuals in the ER expired.  The former puppet-master was awakened by a bolt of lightening, causing him to belly-laugh with a dark, terrifying baritone voice that frightened the nursing staff and caused everyone else in intensive care to flat-line — further bolstering the vice president’s strength.  In a prepared statement the Cheney family denied any knowledge of missing persons who might be also be illegal aliens coincidentally matching Cheney’s own same blood type – (Chemical Formula: S8.)

Cheney, who suffered no less than five heart attacks beginning at age 37, has been kept artificially alive for 37 years in an effort to prove that universal health coverage is not cost effective unless you’re evil enough to deny it to others.  Beelzebub, when asked about Cheney’s miraculous recovery, was quoted as saying “I’m not prepared for that level of competition down here at this time — at least not until after the GOP Primary contest is decided” going on to express his demonic disappointment that Newt Gingrich hadn’t done better in the polls.  Nosferatu added, “While we’re all looking forward to Dick joining the team, but apparently he has not yet done enough damage to planet earth.  We wish him well in his future endeavors.”

- Dissociated Press, 3/24.2012 (a.k.a. – The Year of Mayan Global Destruction)

 

Grotesque Zombies Ghouls Eat the Living to Sustain the GOP

When did grotesque ghouls and zombies start eating the life out of the American dream merely to sustain the dying gasps of the GOP?  Answer: As long as I can remember — its been an endless downward moral trajectory starting with Richard Nixon…  It might sound like tokenism, but I have good friends who stubbornly remain life-long Republicans — people I respect…  And they all have one thing in common:  They’re suddenly apologetic about the Republican presidential candidates and the 11th century social agenda championed by their party.  Ordinary Republicans are making comments about how out of touch their own candidates have become. The GOP remains in shambles following the Bush presidency, and they still have no message — so they trot out exhausted old wedge issues to avoid confronting our real national problems — like health care and the economy.

What do the Republican power brokers not get about how hypocritical it is to dictate what people do with their own bodies — and in the next breath claim to be all about smaller government?  In my opinion, the right wing has cornered itself with a collision of their own confused priorities — and in so doing, the 2012 GOP clown-car has been a wake-up call to the entire nation.  The Republican Party are the inmates trying to regain control of the asylum.  Government mandated health care?  No.  Government mandated trans-vaginal ultrasounds?  You betcha.  Gun permits on school grounds?  The GOP is all for it.  This is a political party making no sense sliding into genuine moral decline evoking religion when convenient — but what they really worship is money and power.

During the catastrophic Bush years, I used to hear polite excuses — ‘pardon-us’ kinds of comments as if the entire GOP had accidentally cut one giant collective fart.  Now they’re taking me aside and saying “I’m not voting for that idiot…!!!”  All I can ask, is which idiot?  And what took you so long?  There are so many idiots to choose from…  I have only to assume they mean Mitt Romney.  Romney has demonstrated himself to be an awkward sociopath out of touch with the American people AND unclear about his own motivation for seeking the presidency.  He has no platform.  In fact his campaign slogan should be “Yeah, Dat’s ‘da Ticket.”  The man lacks credibility.  Tapes exist of him contradicting himself from one day to the next depending on whatever position is expedient at the time.

Mitt, however, is looking more and more like the last idiot standing, and he just embraced the Paul Ryan House budget, which is one giant red herring.  Paul Ryan reminds me of the adorable little Boy Scout who helps the old lady across the street and then makes a run for it with her purse.  Ryan’s latest fiscal budget reform was trotted-out in front of the House of Representatives the other day touting THREE TRILLION DOLLARS in TAX CUTS for obscenely wealthy corporations AND citizens — depending on what you prefer to call them.  Romney sees no difference between corporations and citizens, and frankly in the pack he runs-with, there probably isn’t any.

Small wonder Romney endorsed Ryan’s budget plan – Ryan is among the rumored potential running-mates for a Romney presidential bid.   Either Mitt chooses ‘crooked-budget’ Paul Ryan and his head full of weird Eddie Munster hair, or ‘trans-vaginal’ Bob McDonnell with his head full of ‘Just for Men’ ash-blonde helmet-hair.  The decision will be made based on who’s hair best compliments Romney’s own luscious locks, graying at the temples.  It’s time for the GOP to re-brand themselves as the ‘Party of Good Hair.’

All these well-heeled gentlemen worship at the altar of Wall Street — And Ryan’s new plan would allow the uber-rich to do as well or better than they did under the Bush Tax Cuts — A.K.A. — “Welfare for the Wealthy” — but don’t draw too much attention to that…  Up until recently Romney didn’t care about the poor… not until Rick Santorum came-out saying HE didn’t care about the poor either — then Romney’s suddenly became devoted to the poor…  Confused yet?  Let’s hope so.  Romney’s top adviser, Eric Fehrnstrom equated his own candidate to an ‘Etch-A-Sketch’ — you can get him to take-on any one-dimensional image you like — then all you need to do is shake him — and he’s a memory-free blank slate.

I can’t ever remember agreeing with Rick Santorum, but his latest gaff/quote comparing Romney to Obama made me laugh out loud:  “If they’re [Obama/Romney] going to be a little different, we might as well stay with what we have instead of taking a risk of what may be the Etch A Sketch candidate for the future.”  I agree with Santorum, but for different reasons.  We might as well stay with the president we have, because we’ve got an honest leader in the White House with a workable vision for the future.  I repeat – Romney doesn’t even know why he’s running.  Santorum knows why he’s running — he just doesn’t understand why people are running from him.  Santorum is expected to sweep tonight all-unimportant Louisiana Primary which is virtually meaningless.

Sigh…  I miss the GOP Debates.  We haven’t had a Republican presidential debate in a while — and since they’re so heavily backed by the NRA, I say give ‘em all firearms and watch ‘em shoot themselves in the foot on national TV.  It would be a Neilson-ratings extravaganza dream come true.   They could call it ‘The GOP Debatacle’ moderated by none other than Plaxico Burress just to help give the party the illusion of diversity…