Why is it When Mitt Romney Enters a Room, it Feels Like Somebody Just Left?

Next stop for Mitt Romney is ‘Super Tuesday’ on March 6th where he’s facing challengers in 10 states fresh-off having just barely pulled a Michigan win out of his tightly puckered white-bred ass.  It’s as if Mitt Romney enters a room giving the impression somebody just left.  He stumbles over what to say, rambling ‘off-message’ blurting-out stream-of-consciousness comments praising the ‘height of the threes’ — and blathering-on about how many Cadillacs he’s bought for his wife, Ann.  All this while trying to connect with a state, who up until the Obama ‘Auto Bail-out’ (which Romney opposed) Michigan families were all but rationing cat-food to feed their families.

How does Mitt connect with voters in a state he’s betrayed (aside from bombarding them with treacherous SuperPAC TV advertising…?)  He reaches out for solidarity with common Michiganders by bragging about knowing NASCAR team owners.  Now THERE’s a social achievement everyone can identify-with(?!!!)  The unscripted Mitt Romney bears an almost startling resemblance to Forrest Gump — idiotic comments just fall from this lips but lacking Gump’s primitive wisdom and child-like insights.

Romney turned his back on his Michigan family roots — both in the automotive industry and the state government squandering the good-will of his father’s celebrated achievements.  Mitt was ready to toss the auto industry under the bus. By the way, the Romney Michigan mansion was just recently bull-dozed due to the decay of the neighborhood where his once prosperous childhood home lapsed into hard times.  I don’t even know why Mitt Romney is running for president aside from avenging his father’s primary loss to Richard Nixon in 1968.  Maybe he’s got an economic plan where he can leverage the United States into bankruptcy and then sell our assets to foreign powers?  It would be just like the bad old days at Bain Capital.  Mitt’s political winnings are only by negligible margins and during an unenthusiastic low-voter turn-out year.  Why?  Because Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich won’t get out of the race knowing their supporters might flock to Rick Santorum who’s even crazier, and MORE off-script.  As Santorum slips further and further into an almost ‘Elmer Gantry-like’ brand of religious fanaticism — conservatives who might secretly agree with him on some levels, think Santorum’s too radical to win the general election.   I think he’s too radical to join the Taliban, with whom he shares a mirror-image-like backwardness in crafting his invasive ‘Christian’ version of Sharia Law.

Nevertheless Santorum’s putting a damper on Romney’s victory’s.  What should have been a slam-dunk for Mittens has been far-from it.  Romney is a wounded front-runner with nothing to show for his efforts than narrow wins and hollow victories.  This was not the series of walk’s in the park he anticipated.  All the same, Mitt Romney will probably win the GOP candidacy — and in doing-so, he’ll waste truckloads of conservative money on a campaign destined to fail in the general election — unless they can fix the results again — they’ve already started practicing voting irregularities in their own primaries.  I wonder if anyone ever heard conclusive results of who won the Maine primary election…?

Rick Santorum Brain-washes Himself in an Old Maytag

Rick Santorum doesn’t want you or your children to go to college so all citizens can be every bit as dimwitted as he is…  AND easier to manipulate.  But HE went to college and became a millionaire.  He says college-educated “elites” like Barack Obama are trying to make-over our nations youth into Obama’s own image.  Yes, I hope he is, and I furthermore, I hope he succeeds.  We had our fill of stupid from 2000 to 2008, and just look where it got us?  Into two wars with religious overtones, oil-greed and a crashed global economy.  So what’s next?  Trying to turn the United States into a nation committed only to one religious doctrine?  Yep, that’s exactly what Rick Santorum has in mind.  He wants America to be mandated as a Christian nation, siting John F. Kennedy’s speech outlining the Constitutional separation of church and state as making him want to throw-up.  Now he knows how his former constituents from Pennsylvania feel about him.

Gurd…

To those of us who live in Pennsylvania, watching the national rise of Rick Santorum is more than a head-scratcher — it’s frightening at the same time it’s painfully funny.  Granted bible-blasting, rifle-toting, red-necked knuckleheads reside in Pennsylvania too… but everyone I know — including Republicans — are embarrassed Santorum ever served as one of our senators.   When is the GOP going to come to their senses?  Every single one of their presidential candidates have tourette syndrome – Romney can’t form full sentences without having to pull a shoe out of his mouth.  And Santorum is radical even by extremist standards.  You know a political party is in deep trouble when Ron Paul appears to be the only marginally sane candidate.

Does the republican ‘sink-tank’ pay no attention to national opinion polls?  What have their strategists been listening-to and watching?  Apparently nothing reality-based, because they’re crafting candidates who’re appealing to the opinions of voters who’ve been dead for centuries.  And deservedly so.   When a national candidate speaks-up in opposition to the American dream of a good education while promoting a ‘sacred’ rather than ‘secular’ government, you KNOW the Taliban has blown into town.  There is no real philosophical difference between Rick Santorum and radical extremist Muslims — they’re merely two different religious mythologies with the same common purpose:  Encouraging people not to think for themselves.

The best thing Santorum has going for him, is his own self-destruction, because he and the rest of his debating-team can only serve to benefit the people of the United States by failing.  Face the facts neocons — your party has imploded and your big-wigs have already written-off 2012.  The four beauty contestants competing for the GOP ‘candidacy’ and that’s all their doing… Competing for the candidacy, because no one believes any of them are remotely presidential.  Dictatorial, perhaps – but presidential, no.   There will never be a President Santorum or a President Romney — a President Gingrich or a President Paul.  It just ain’t gonna happen, and that’s a damned good thing too.

The single most patriotic thing these four simpletons can do, is fail.  And then seek psychiatric help.

- Dissociated Press, 2/28/2012

Oscar Snore…

I must have a defective ‘Gay gene.’ — The Oscars put me to sleep.  They go on and on and on for hours on end about Hollywood’s own greatness, and to be fair, Hollywood has given our culture some pretty spectacular art through film.  I merely can’t stay awake long enough to watch it.  Tonight I’m having supper with friends — all of us are or are reaching a ‘certain age’ where anything much past midnight is reserved for insomnia.

We’re going to TRY and watch the Oscars.  I’ll be wearing Ballenciaga with rented jewels from Harry Winston, asleep in my chair.

One of the many reasons no one can spend the night sleeping next to me in my bed has less to do with the lumpy mattress and my not wanting other people taking-up the space — it has more to do with how I sleep all night with the television on.  I keep the sound just low enough to vaguely hear…  When I do sleep, sometimes the news or whatever I’ve left ‘on’ incorporates itself into my dreams while the Xanax kicks-in and I dose-off deeply enough to dream.  This gives me the false sense of having predicted the news when I wake-up in the morning completely nonplussed by the daily disturbing developments that took place during my semi-conscious attempt at slumber.  That said, I hope my hosts don’t have to carry me across the street and tuck me into bed, because the Oscars, the Tonys the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the Emmys, the Grammys, the Golden Globes, — you name it are like an opiate of sleep to me.

I’m genuinely happy for the winners the next day — but as I am not now, nor will I ever BE nominated for an Oscar, so I have nothing invested in the outcome.  That said, I kind of hope ‘The Artist’ wins for best picture.  It was one of the only 2 films I saw this past year.  And I loved it.  I loved everything about it especially the dog, who reminds me of Winnie.  Mostly I loved it because the film was such a courageous and bold risk in making a black and white silent film in the age of computer-generated explosions and digital space aliens.  What resonated with me about ‘The Artist’ is it’s subtle subtext and relevance to our own lives today — while paying reverent respect to the past, early 20th century.  Silent films and everyone who participated in those early years were pioneers in the genre.  For me, the contemporary relevance comes-in when the main protagonist of The Artist, at the top of his game, is suddenly and cruelly rendered obsolete by the introduction of talking pictures.  He isn’t going to make the transition, as so many of us haven’t in recent years.

Computerization and robotic-mechanization — along with jobs shipped overseas have left a lot of highly skilled people, especially over 50, no longer deemed valuable to employers, leaving them — us — we — specifically ME — not knowing where to turn next.  This is the ultimate and profoundly uplifting message of the film:  Finding one’s way in a world changing so quickly it’s nothing short of warp-speed, leaving it impossible for many of us to compete and maintain our way of life.  But it can be done, and that’s the gift of ‘The Artist.’  Truth to tell, that is the gift of art itself.

Sex and the Single Duck

So what exactly is it the Republicans don’t understand about contraception?  If they genuinely want to prevent abortions?  Then prevent pregnancy in the first place.  While you’re at it, cut down on sexually transmitted disease at the same time — not to mention the imminent threat of cross-breeding ducks with cattle.

Pure bull…

It’s difficult to make lite of the fact that we’re living in a world in crisis, populated by far too many people — an unsustainable 7 billion and counting to be precise.  But I’m not contributing to that particular problem, I’ve been a practicing homosexual for over 40 years now and hopefully someday I’ll get it right.  Be that as it may, contraception to me and mine is the unwavering use of condoms when luck comes our way.

As a gay man I have a different kind of love for women than certain heterosexual men — I possess more of a simpatico and understanding of women as human-beings — not as receptacles or baby-factories.  And of course I share a deep appreciation for really, really good women’s shoes.  No, I don’t own any…  What I do own-up to, is a reasonable grasp of what a no-brainer it is to hand over total control solely to women as stewards of the governance of their own reproductive organs.  I can’t even wrap my mind around why as a nation, we’re still fixated on this issue.  Be it the pill, Norplant, IUD’s or come what may, I rely on and recommend condoms.  Hey, I’m a gentleman of a certain age, still alive and healthy which in and of itself is a testament to their effectiveness.  Guys, take responsibility and stop bitching about how condoms are a buzz-kill when you try to get-off.  Couples should use all the birth control methods at their disposal until they’re ready to commit to a minimum of 18 years of child-rearing.

What condoms can’t do, is assist in the regulation and treatment of women’s health issues.  Don’t ask me about the particulars of what goes on down there, it’s none of my business, not to mention beyond being way too much information.  Thursday afternoon, a young woman courageously testified in front of congress by putting a human face on women’s health issues no man (short of a male gynecologist) could comprehend.  Frankly, I’ve always been secretly suspicious of male gynecologists and what compels them to pursue that particular genre of medicine — but hey, who am I to judge?  I’ve only ever seen a gynecological exam chair complete with stirrups once, and was immediately won over to it’s charms.  I’d love to have one installed my own home — with private seating’s for gentlemen guests only.  Cocktails and rectal probes all around…

To reiterate, I make no claims of knowing anything about the inner functions of female plumbing and consider ignorance to be bliss.  All I need to know, is women deserve the human liberty to determine their own choices about their own vaginas — whatever the devil goes on down there…  There could be cysts, tumors, volcanoes, amusement parks, bicycle paths and shuffle-board for all I know.  But certain forms of contraception prevent more than just pregnancy. There are health issues involving disease and disorders where contraception is key to a woman’s well-being.  The important thing is women’s health and happiness.  What this issue has become is the obvious right for a woman to own her own body free from governmental over-reach.  Any unwelcome over-reach that lands in the crotch is still a cheap, inappropriate grope.  Ladies, and ‘enlightened’ gentleman, keep that in mind when you choose which party to vote for this coming November.

Some of you might not think “Change you can believe in” is happening fast enough in other fronts like the economy.  To that, I say:  The Queen Mary doesn’t corner easily or quickly, and neither does the Ship of State.  If you vote-out Barack Obama in 2012 you’re going to learn the error of your ‘choice’ quick enough when the Ship of State is run aground by the same party who set us off course in the first place.  Obama has patience and wisdom the rest of us don’t possess…  Besides, who do you want to listen to?  Obama singing that he’s still in love with you?  Or Mitt Romney’s squeamish, off-key rendition of ‘American The Beautiful?  That WAS my favorite patriotic song, until he ruined it for me forever.  We haven’t heard Rick Santorum sing yet, but I’m in no mood to hear his rendition of “Give Me That Old Time Religion.”  It’s bad enough for me.

Mitt Romney Dwarfed by Bonsai Tree In Empty Room of Lilliputians

Last night was the Arizona Republican Primary Debate, on CNN.  Speaking to a packed house of wee-little people and empty minds (a.k.a. Arizona Republican primary voters) Mitt Romney and his other adversarial crazies were given a forum to kick around, women, minorities and immigrants to bursts of applause and cheers from Stepfords and Lilliputians alike.  It’s about time someone spoke-up for the rights of both the Lilliputian and the Stepford communities.  But more importantly, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer had her hair done for the occasion which made her look even more like Bette Davis playing Baby Jane Hudson.

It was fascinating watching the GOP candidates pretend to know something about foreign policy — especially in trying to justify going to war with Iran.  Rick Santorum voiced his opinions on foreign policy largely by parroting whatever the other dim-bulbs said, then following-it-up with his own remarks, using random jumbles of words that closely resembled sentences.   All four beauty contestants were in agreement that Iran’s President Ahmadinejad should not be permitted to close the Straights of the Moose.  Only Rick Santorum spoke-up about his approval of closing the ‘Gays of the Moose.’  Mitt Romney attempted to gin-up the argument speculating that Iran will detonate a nuclear bomb if Barack Obama is reelected president (read into that the same fear tactics the Bush Administration deployed about Saddam Hussein and his supposed weapons of mass destruction…)  Three out of four of the candidates, Mitt, Rick and Newt were all very congenial in their disdain for each other, while bantering about the subject of miring us in another endless, costly war in the Middle East.  Ron Paul was actually the only one who made sense on that issue.  Perhaps he was having a mini-stroke?

Education was summarily dismissed by all the candidates as best described by ‘leaving all children behind’ to be home-schooled by parents who themselves don’t read or write.  Santorum had his soiled-panties handed to him on a platter when Mitt Romney leveled “responsibility” for Obamney Care placing it squarely on Santorum’s shoulders for supporting Arlen Specter during the 2010 midterms thus clearing the way for Sen Pat Toomey (R-PA) to unseat Specter and in-turn brake ranks with Republicans by casting the decisive vote in favor of Health Care Reform.  (BTW – Quite possibly the only thing Toomey has ever done right, and it all boils down to being Santorum’s fault…)  Delicious.

All the GOP candidate’s were back to pandering to the Arizona mind-set with the absurd project of building a ‘Great Wall of China’ between the United States and Mexico and further demonizing Hispanics.  Mitt Romney adding his own personal commitment to strictly employ the use of eVerify when hiring illegal aliens to manicure the grounds of his multiple mansions and estates.  Speaking in code, the fab-4 also approved of invading women’s crotches as a matter of mandating their own religious “convictions” justifying groin invasions an an effort to “protect” religious freedoms — but protecting only the rights and religions approved by the Conservative Sink Tank.  Photographs of these procedures will be made available online to members of the church-like Republican boys dormitory known as the ‘House on C-Street.’

Newt Gingrich was in fine blowhard-form playing the role of elder statesman but appeared more toned-down than in previously rabid performances — perhaps because Newt’s own personal sugar-daddy, Sheldon Adelson is now providing BOTH Newt Gingrich AND Mitt Romney with SuperPAC monies:  Hence Mitt and Newt were forced to play nice-nice together through gritted teeth and thinly veiled disdain.

All in all it was another dull, uninteresting, uninformative, waist of air-time lacking ideas and imagination — and I expected nothing less.  It would appear after drawing straws, that Mitt Romney won the debate — but how difficult can that be when you’re shooting 3 dead fish in a barrel?  Even in victory, Mitt came across as ‘small,’ peculiar and disconnected.  When asked about his the public’s greatest misconception about him, Mitt Romney answered, “That I trim my own sideburns.”  In that spirit I offer the following Haiku:

I like to fire people.

The trees are the right height…

Worry not of the poor.

Extra-terrestrial Conservative Candidate, Rick Santorum is Incubating a Satanic Fetus Inside His Brain

Whether you agree with him or not, Rick Santorum has been much-touted and praised for his apparent sincerity.  What I’m left wondering is whether or not ‘sincerely insane’ counts as a positive characteristic to likely voters in a general election?  I’ve got a news-scoop for the National Inquirer’s headlines department:

“Extra-terrestrial Conservative Candidate Incubating Satanic Fetus in Brain.”

Santorum is crazy. Scary, ideologically bat-shit crazy.  His meander-thal little mind is all over the place.  Here in Santorum’s own words: “The left is always looking for a way to control you.  They’re always looking for a way to make you feel guilty so you’ll give them power so they can lord it over you.”  With those words Santorum gives himself away as having no personal understanding of his own tactics.  He’s the one who’s trying to control people – tapping into deep-rooted cultural religious fears and guilt.  Santorum’s a master manipulator who accuses other people of doing what he subconsciously (self-describes) himself as doing.  You don’t hear sane people saying America needs to be defined as a “Christian nation” to the exclusion of all other faiths knowing full-well the United States was founded on the premise of religious freedom.  That’s Santorum trying to control you.  You don’t hear sane people dictating who other people are allowed to love — or what women are permitted to do concerning the care and governance of their own bodies.  That’s more of Santorum trying to control you.  Santorum is like a space alien who was dropped onto planet earth with a limited vocabulary and a screw loose.

Speaking of planet earth, Rick Santorum doesn’t believe in conserving or protecting the integrity of our natural resources be it air, water or land.  He shortsightedly believes those things are gifts from God for mankind to exploit at will for short-term profits.  So, if we muck it all up — does he think God will replenish us with more natural resources to squander?  The man sees no further than the end of his nose and mistakes it as a vision for the future.

Now is a time in history when the entire world is still reeling from natural and man-made disasters unleashing nuclear waste-material and petrol-chemicals into the environment — and Santorum argues on behalf of developing more filthy energy.  He denies climate change as a fraudulent conspiracy and believes Darwinism should be shunned in favor of religious “creationism.”  He thinks creationism should be taught in schools even as he rants and raves about federally de-funding education.  This man represents ignorance to the extreme and wants everyone else to jump into his mud-puddle with him.  We barely survived 8 years of ‘stupid’ under George W. Bush — let’s learn our history lessons people, and vote in 2012 to keep all neocons from obtaining as little power as possible.  The Republican Party itself is vaguely embarrassed by Rick Santorum — but they can’t bring themselves to get behind any of the other hopefuls left standing either — hence the mutterings in the wind of a ‘brokered convention.’  Perhaps that brokered convention should be held at a lunatic asylum in lock-down?

Mitt Romney (no dream-candidate himself) is looking wild-eyed frantic with desperation as his chances evaporate.  Mitt’s shoe-in for the GOP candidacy is looking less than certain while Santorum rises in the polls.  Worry not, Mitt’s mysterious SuperPAC billions will release a treasure trove of vicious ads against Santorum — there’s a lot of material to draw-from…  So if none of the contenders pass muster, at least a brokered convention would be more honest than the way Republicans have been ‘fixing’ their own primary results — case-in-point — what we witnessed in Maine, while awarded to Romney, in all probability actually went to Ron Paul because of lost and missing ballots.  (Where have we heard that before…?)  There’s some comfort in knowing the figures indicate record low turnouts in all the Republican primaries — drawing the logical conclusion that none of the GOP contenders speak with a unifying voice for the party.  That said, Santorum has a 10 point lead over Romney in most national polls.  If Santorum speaks for the GOP, then he’s speaking in tongues.  What’s next?  Snake-handling?

Rick Santorum was my senator here in Pennsylvania for a mind-numbing decade.  I’ve watched and listened to the man for a long time, and he is simply put – unwell.  As the world changes and grows for better or worse, strict adherence to fundamentalist ANYTHING makes for frightening confusion and inflexibility as we face an unforeseeable future.  Just imagine if you convinced Rick Santorum ‘The Lord of the Rings’ was a strict translation of the Dead Sea Scrolls, he’d most likely fall for it, and have us all worshiping the Gospel According to Frodo Baggins.  Come to think of it, that might be an improvement…

In summation:  If you favor governmental over-reach right into mandating what goes-on in-between your legs…  If you want your environment jeopardized for short-term profits and long term catastrophe…  If you’re more comfortable with stupid than smart…  If you feel nostalgic for the bad old days of the 11th century, then Rick Santorum is your man.

More embarrassments from Rick Santorum can be found at the following link:  http://santorumexposed.com/

LIN-guistics

Call me naive, but why can’t everybody just be happy for the guy?  Jeremy Lin has become an overnight sports sensation, knocking the NBA on it’s ear, and breathing new life into the New York Knicks.  Suddenly a young man’s success has been turned into a discussion about race.  Why have some people regressed to a point where Asian-American racism takes center court and eclipses the triumph of the man’s game?  Jeremy Lin is a nice looking young guy with a degree from Harvard in economics.  Economics is going to come in handy, because the product endorsements are bound to come rolling-in.

The central question still remains, WHY has his meteoric rise to sports super-stardom become an issue of race?  Asian Americans and all sports-minded Americans have a new role-model.  That’s a good thing, right?  Of course it is up until some idiot starts making tacky racist comments.  Maybe people don’t generally associate basketball excellence with Chinese heritage, however, it doesn’t seem to me any one race, color or creed has the corner on talent, whether it’s sports, arts or sciences.  So why not an Asian American basketball hero?  The novelty of an Asian basketball star led to the firing of an ESPN editor trying to be too clever by half in using the old phrase “Chink in the Armor.”  The phrase itself has no connection to race, but used in that context, it does.  Let’s examine that phrase for a moment — a ‘chink in the armor’ infers weakness — quite literally a battle-damaged area in a warrior’s armor.  That’s the origin of the quote.  Jeremy Lin clearly isn’t a weakness, he’s a strength for his team.  If instead, that ESPN editor had said ‘Knick in Shining Armor’ he would still have had his job.

Then there’s that awful Photoshopped fortune cookie mess somebody put out on the internet.  As Photoshop work goes, it’s not even well executed.  I’ve heard it said “all humor contains an element of aggression.”  There’s some truth to it — I get pretty close to the edge right here on my own blog — but the real issue is the spirit in which the words are spoken.  I get angry at a lot of people on my blog (mostly politicians) but not based on race or gender.  No one should be so dull and politically correct to a point where they reach pure, dim sterility — have a little fun.  For example, I like to have a little fun at Chris Christie’s expanse.  I try to only allow myself to get ‘mean’ when ‘mean’ is what’s called-for.

Derogatory criticism based NOT on character or calling-out belligerent actions is patently nonconstructive — it’s merely diminishing the critic himself to slurs about race, gender or sexual-orientation and tend to emanate from a place of insecurity and fear.  Fear that the ‘other’ might be superior to the ‘known and familiar.’  We see this play-out everyday with people who hate Barack Obama but can’t rationally articulate why.  They can’t put a finger on what it is that bothers them about him, because they don’t want to admit the smartest guy in the room is black, and they’re hiding their own racism only from themselves.  It rocks their world and triggers their insecurities.  It’s time for everybody to calm down and let Obama and Lin enjoy their successes — even shoot a few hoops.  I’d love to see a friendly photo-opp where Jeremy Lin and President Obama take to the court together.  Oh who am I kidding?  What I really want to see is a bipartisan game of dodge-ball where everybody gets to pummel Newt Gingrich until he’s black and blue.  Shirts or skins?

Chris Christie’s Secret Lesbian Love Life

I reserve the right to be angry.  My home state of New Jersey is a place where they’ll elect a homosexual to serve as governor just so long as he’s leading a secret double life and living in the closet.  That said, there isn’t a closet big enough to accommodate Chris Christie or a room where they don’t have to blow a hole through the wall and use the jaws of life simply to remove him — and that’s only to accommodate his ego.  Hopelessly heterosexual, Governor Chris Christie refused to sign the New Jersey State Gay Marriage Bill into law — even after it passed in the State Senate and Assembly — not because he really cares one way or the other, but rather because the importance of the Gay Marriage Amendment in his eyes isn’t the freedom and equality of a minority group who deserve better — but rather the pursuit of his own self-serving political ambitions while pandering to the lowest common denominator of the right-wing.  Christie wants to have the measure placed as a ballot initiative so he can wash his hands of the outcome, whatever those results might be.  There’s something inherently wrong with asking the majority to vote on extending rights to a minority.  It flies in the face of the very definition of the word “rights.”

Never elect a politician who genuinely wants the job — when you do, his job becomes nothing more that a stepping stone on the road to higher office and corruption.  I like to think of crooks like Chris Christie as being “flushed upward with the tide of incompetence.”  God knows Christie can both float AND demonstrate incompetence.  We’re supposed to be a nation founded on the principal of religious freedom — but religion cuts both ways, and cults of all kinds insist their minions embrace time-honored prejudices and never ever stop to question why.  Irrational hate is a ‘given’ that goes hand in hand with unfounded fear.  Fears like: Gay is bad.  Don’t know why.  Just is.  Heard it somewhere, so it must be part of the deterioration of society and family values.  But heterosexuals clocking 3 or more marriages are merely unlucky in love — and it’s all perfectly legal.

I knew I was gay when I was a little boy by age 6 or 7.  Through pure accident I happened across the word “homosexual” in the dictionary, and after reading the definition my face went red-hot with panic because I knew I’d been preordained to become the person my parents and teachers had warned me about and made fun-of.  I never checked a box or applied for a permit to be gay.  It was never a choice.  It simply was — and I’ve known it all my life.

Other kids as they entered the age of sexual awakening openly acted on their attractions — boys and girls held hands in the playground pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  I sat out that rite of passage, holding my own hand, and the burden of a gigantic secret buried deep inside me.  My secret was abhorrent to the sensibilities of other people and I knew instinctively it had to be hidden-away for my own safety.  Eventually through peer pressure, I dated girls, and in doing-so did those girls a disservice by not being who they believed me to be.  I’d learned early to control my limp wrists and lower my voice an octave — I even feigned interest in sports but only as a spectator.  I was afraid that contact sports with other men’s bodies would blow my cover.  I protected myself by becoming fat so I could remove myself from consideration, and act like I had no sexual awakenings — preferring the ridicule of being over-weight to being called a faggot or a queer.  Being heavy let me remain unnoticed and unattractive.

No one can live like that forever, or at least no one should.

When I finally dated, I dated nice girls, hoping I’d never be put to the test of performing as a physical lover.  Sex, however is unavoidable.  I made love to girls and bragged about it to my buddies.  Buddies I’d have rather made love with…  I didn’t set my emotional/sexual course in motion, desire and sexual preference moves by it’s own volition.  For a time you can pretend your sexuality doesn’t exist, or work to suppress your own desires, but not for long.

When I later came-out, I lost 2 gay lovers to early deaths — one to suicide and another to AIDS.  I didn’t get the compassion or comfort a widower would receive after loosing a wife.  I’ve endured break-ups that were no less devastating than any divorce — but I was expected to move-on — buck-up without lingering over my grief, which naturally prolonged it.  I wasn’t allowed to mourn comforted by family because of the social attitudes of the time.  Gay emotions still aren’t given the validity or respect they/we deserve.  Straight people with multiple divorces are granted far more comfort and support than people like me who only wanted one special person in my life.   So far, there’s no sign of him.  I once got a fortune cookie that read: “Still no word from that tall dark stranger.”  The prophecy remains unfulfilled to this day.

I lived through the 1960’s Gay Liberation years and the age of the Stonewall riots followed by the clumsy sexual revolution during the Woodstock hippie period.  I didn’t jump-in feet-first, although I wanted to.  I was too shy about myself and hid away often for decades — touching no one — never wanting to feel the pain of a partner’s loss from abandonment or death ever again.  Over time I lifted myself up and tried to get in the game again, because life without love is something less than living.  When the AIDS epidemic came along, it took my 2nd love.  He’d already left me for another man, so I mourned him alone, still in love with him when he died.

In the 1980’s while the epidemic was still misunderstood, primitive thinkers seeking easy answers turned to organized religions who damned my dying friends and passed judgement and blame on people like me.  Its impossible to do battle with irrational, primitive attitudes.  While I volunteered my help during the AIDS epidemic — the psychological effect of the epidemic itself robbed me from acting on my natural desires at a time that would have been the height of my sexuality.  I’ll never allow anyone to tell me my love and lust are not natural, because they came naturally enough to me.  Those desires are part of who I am, not who I asked to become.  It’s my reality and I embrace it.

I had a brief period of promiscuity late in life in a desperate attempt to feel what everyone else had experienced at a much younger age.  Love never much came my way, or stayed for long when it did.  I couldn’t let down my guard long enough to be receptive to embracing what every other living person wants and deserves.  The path for gay people of my generation (and earlier) hasn’t been easy…  So how dare someone like Chris Christie, a bloated, self-important fraud, care more about his worthless political ambitions than the emotional health and well-being of all the people he’s supposed to serve?  Christie doesn’t work to understand anyone outside his limited scope of understanding.  Lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders live lives deprived of the liberties and rights pompous fools like Chris Christie take for granted.  So climb that ladder to political gain, but don’t gain any more tonnage, or the rungs will snap.  Go ahead and deceive yourself into believing your personal self-serving goals are worth more than doing what’s right.  Mr Christie, you’re on the wrong side of history, damaging lives which have no adverse impact on your own.

Looking at my life now, it’s too late for me to change, I’m not sure I even want to or know how.  I’m hardwired to live alone.  I’ve only experienced enough intimacy to have a pretty good idea of what I’ve missed.  With that in mind, Mr Christie, don’t you dare think your corpulent fat-headed cowardice, hidden behind a facade of bluster and balls grants you the right to deny other people and future generations the healthy, accepted expression of fully legalized love through marriage guaranteed to every person under our Constitution.  You may choose to exclude us, but  that doesn’t make you right.  Even you, Mr Christie aren’t big enough to stop the inevitable.  You’re only a temporary blockage — A spongy impasse…  A constipation…  An ambitious fool too bloated to get out of his own way.  You can’t stop progress.  Your own heart will stop first, assuming you have one.

Not Too Bright? Then the GOP Needs You!

Everyone’s heard the exhausted old cliche, “If you’re so smart, then why aren’t you rich?”  I watched a clip on TV where Newt Gingrich’s misguided financial backer, addle-brained, Sheldon Adelson make that tired old statement.  Well, Sheldon, you’re rich, because you slimed your way into owning a casino, which is pretty much the same as thing as saying you’re a thief.  That doesn’t make you smart, that merely makes you a dirtball with a lot of money — a lot of unreported, hidden cash-money.  The same holds true for Donald Trump and his Trump Casino Empire — another colorful, rich nitwit — but his wealth is more myth than millions.  The most visible of these GOP SuperPAC sugar-daddies all look to my eyes like unscrupulous, skeevy crooks.  American’s have caught-on.  We get it.  You don’t need to be smart to be rich.  You just need to turn your back on integrity.  In fact integrity is a liability when it comes to acquiring wealth these days — but HOW THE HELL did Rick Santorum’s sugar-daddy, Foster Friess get to become a billionaire?  What a macaroon — Are we sure Art Linkletter’s picture isn’t printed on his currency?  Bananas-Foster-Friess is a complete blithering imbecile.

I was astonished when I watched Bananas-Foster tell Andrea Mitchell that “back in HIS day” (whatever past century that was) “women would hold an aspirin between their knees as a birth-control.”  His words demonstrated what a total ‘man-gina‘ he is.  So much so, he, himself should consider running for Republican office.  He’s certainly ridiculous enough to make the cut.  No wonder the old fool is bankrolling Santorum.  Yes, we know his aspirin comment was a lame attempt at humor, but it told you everything you need to know about Santorum and those who support him.  With women’s health being the recycled hot-button topic du jour, a person would have to have cotton candy between their ears to make a statement like that in the company of a dignified woman journalist like Andrea Mitchell.  It took Ms. Mitchell a moment to compose herself.  Foster’s implication is women need to learn to control their wanton sexual appetites by keeping their knees together — and while no one doubts women have sexual appetites — MEN generally speaking are the obnoxious aggressors when it comes to unprotected sex.  NOT women.  Women from my experience are the more cautious and responsible of the genders — because they have more at stake.  Men may act dignified in public (when it occurs to them to do so) but all men really want is to get off, consequences be damned.  Perhaps Foster Friess and men like him should shove an aspirin up their bananas and never speak out loud ever again.  News flash to Foster Friess — when you appear on television, people can hear you talk.  It gets recorded and archived.  Just keep it in mind ‘ya old simpleton.

Santorum who once appeared to be jockeying to get placed on the short-list for VP, now believes he can abort Romney’s dwindling lead by being the “sincere” crazy-assed non-Romney-for-president.  And the aforementioned Foster Friess will serve as Santorum’s cash-infusion machine by backing God’s own buzz-kill on earth in the upcoming primaries.  We haven’t heard much from the Republican comedy team lately aside from all the news focused on old white dudes trying to mandate women’s health issues.

Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of Republican men as the next debacle-a-bate heads to Michigan, Ohio and Arizona?  Mitt Romney is finally looking less like the shoe-in for face-man he once was.  Romney’s mud will be slung — but this time the focus will be on Santorum.  And Santorum now has the SuperPAC funds to allow him to sling right back.  Newt Gingrich is mortally wounded, but like Rasputin, he simply won’t die.  Ironically, Romney now needs Newt to stay in the race merely to keep the odds properly split among likely primary voters.  At this point, Mitt needs a spoiler if he’s going win in Michigan.  And yes, the trees are tall.  Genius.

Mitt Romney is looking frantic and scared, as well he should — (especially in Michigan and Ohio) unless both old buzzards — Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul have enough staying-power to dilute the process to Romney’s advantage — his chances for a decisive national GOP win get slimmer by the day.  This is wonderful news, not for Romney, but for Santorum, who is so far afield from acceptable ideologies among women and independent voters, A Santorum candidacy could spell the end of any remaining semblance of credibility for the GOP.  A Santorum win would be a victory for the wide world of comedy…  But there’s something else stirring in them-thar hills…

SARAH PALIN…!!!  EVEN after watching all the previous train-wrecks that have gone before, she’s making noises about entering the Republican presidential race as a brokered candidate.  Excellent.  She claims to have that “fire in her belly” again.  Personally I think she should have it checked-out and make sure she isn’t incubating another late-life satanic pregnancy.  However you slice it, Palin joining the fray would restore the dearth of comic stylings previously provided by Michele Bachman, Herman Cain and Rick Perry.  But Palin will never go through with it — she’s just lonely when she’s not center-stage under the spotlight.  There are precious few buyers left for Palin’s brand of crazy.  She’s been out Loony-Tooned by all that’s transpired this year from Cain’s “999” to Perry’s “Opps-moments” to Michele Bachman deep-throating corndogs.  The circus wagon has left town and Sarah wasn’t on it, but it sure would be fun to see her added to the GOP mix.  The Republican brand was severely wounded long ago by Bush/Cheney — and then polished-off by Tea Party-poopers.  Republicans are a party in crisis.  I foresee the entire Republican class of 2012 being the best possible thing in the world for the Democratics.  Happy President’s Day Mr Obama.  Happy President’s Day.  How very satisfying.

The All Male GOP Production of the Vagina Monologues

Theater critics across the nation are applauding the GOP’s ground-breaking all-male performance of the Vagina Monologues this past Wednesday in Congress.  Dirty, prudish, ignorant old men managed to sexually assault every single woman in the United States of American without ever finding the courage to confront their own inner vagina.  These men can’t even say the word out loud while unable to think of anything else.  What the hell are a bunch of prudish, sexually repressed old white men doing mandating what women do with their own genitals?  Why are we forced to endure the ignorant superstitious opinions of prissy male biddies from the Catholic Church in “congress” with congressional creeps so obsessed with what the opposite sex does with their own bodies they’re breaking-out into a sweat?  OK, the priests are breaking a sweat over the straight dudes breaking into a sweat – but the clergy have their own set of unresolved issues…  The difference between Congress and ‘sexual congress’ is simple: The latter is a great deal more wholesome even when money changes hands.  Now THERE’S something congress knows a little bit about – money changing hands whoring themselves.  The right-wing is determined to diminish the Grand Old Party at all costs by proving beyond a shadow of doubt that they have absolutely nothing constructive to offer whatsoever — politically, morally, socially or sexually.

Conservative Republican men need to get the hell out of women’s crotches and face the irrefutable reality that they have no unique rights over — or understanding OF the experience of living within a body born with female plumbing.  Ask me, I’m an expert on this lack of knowledge – I’m a man – and I know simply NOTHING about female sexual inner workings.  The most inconvenient thing men have to endure is cutting themselves shaving – that’s nothing compared to bleeding from the crotch starting at around age 12.  I think we should propose legislation in a public forum that Daryl Issa and his misogynistic panel of penis-pansy’s have government mandated sex-changes with a rusty pair of toenail clippers — unfortunately that would not give them true insight into the unbridled joy of monthly visits from the menstrual monster — menopause — or the myriad of things that can go physically wrong with women’s bodies from difficult pregnancies to cancer risks.

You KNOW in your heart if sexually active men ran the risk of having to pull a watermelon out through that tiny little slit in their urethra, contraception would have been gaveled into becoming the law of the land a century ago.  Just imagine the machinations of the Catholic clergy fluttering-away at Our Lady of Consensual Sodomy if choirboys could get pregnant.  The good fathers would be handing out condoms at mass instead of hawking stale wafers – chanting “Take. eat, bend-over, lubricate then roll one on in remembrance of me.”  (PS – remember to pinch the receptacle tip so the microscopic swim team have somewhere to go after you’ve had your jollies.  Then hold a Bayer Aspirin between your ass-cheeks and try not to molest any more adolescent boys.  Goddamn lying, ignorant pederasts.)

Men have a unique lack of perspective concerning the subject of female sexuality.  They may claim to be good in the sack, but most of them are lying.   And male sexual prowess has nothing to do with the important things that matter in life.  Men (including me) consider sex to be an urge that leads to a recreational release.  THAT in and of itself disqualifies everyone of my sex, straight, gay or bisexual to claim ANY authority over the sexual body decisions which impact the destiny of women.  Get over it Rick Santorum.  You’re out of your element.  Shut the fuck-up every chauvinistic hypocrite to the last man.  Recuse yourselves as ignorant – because you ARE.  Relinquish your vote on the subject of women’s health and let ONLY women dictate the laws that govern women’s bodies.  Men can confine their vote to subjects like vasectomies and whether to make Viagra available to horny old retired congressmen like Bob Dole.  Stick to what you know — providing you know anything at all.  I say proctology exams for the GOP all around.  Get those pristine prostates in ‘mandated’ sparkling good health.  Drag ‘em off the floor of congress one at a time and let ‘em know how it feels to have an humiliating mandatory probe in-between your legs against your will.

Post Script:  Presidential Boogieman, Rick Santorum, a resident of Virginia applauds the Virginia State Lawmakers recent vote to require trans-vaginal ultrasounds before a woman can get an abortion.  Their intention is to extend that intrusion to include further traumatizing women, already bereft from experiencing a miscarriage to insure that they have not actually HAD an abortion – even though abortion is LEGAL in these United State.  The effected women residents of Virginia will have NO RIGHTS TO PROTEST OR DECLINE.  Those women will be taken into custody by force if necessary and entered between their legs against all protests – because a bunch of moronic Christian men have passed a law making it so.  This is nothing short of legalized rape.

Virginia Governor, Bob McDonnell has vowed to sign this madness into law.  If that doesn’t scare you then ponder this: Mr. McDonnell is THE current top front runner pick for the Republican Vice Presidency.  Whatever happened to the GOP mantra of smaller, less intrusive government?  If you haven’t already done so, register to vote NOW.  Vote in the 2012 election ladies and enlightened gentlemen – and vote for Barack Obama.  The inmates want to run the asylum and make women’s lives no longer their own.

Note: Winnie and Duck are appreciating artwork by ground-breaking 20th century feminist painter, Georgia O’Keeffe’s – It’s her classic ‘Slightly Open Clam Shell,’ ca: 1926. Pastel on white ground pressed board.

Postscript – Several weeks after this essay was posted, thousands of women marched on the Virginia State Capital and managed to get some of the worse aspects of the Virginia contraception law stricken rolled-back – but intend to revisit this same nonsense after the 2012 presidential election.  Seven other states including Texas have similar laws under consideration in committee.