Vote Early and Often – But Don’t Expect to Get Away With It…

The deafening Republican silence of crickets is barely audible across the land with regard to the subject of ‘corporate welfare’ – but bring-up the subject of social safety nets, and the they’re all in a cacophony of uproar.  I’ve long been of the mind there are many different kinds of people in the world, but when forced to generalize — it comes down to only 2: The greed-motivated vs those with generousity of spirit.  Organized religion has nothing to do with where any one individual falls on which side of that issue.  I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture – but I suspect it’s nature.

Newt Gingrich’s thinly veiled racists comment during the FOX debate saying “Barack Obama is the greatest food stamp president in history” doesn’t take into account that Newt’s own party are the ones who landed us in this economic mess.  There’s a tremendous surge on the part of ‘red-states’ to see to it young people, seniors and minorities are stopped from casting their 2012 ballot by any and all means – fearing it will lead to the reelection of Barack Obama.  There has been a corporate takeover underway in the United States of America for decades, but only since the collapse of the middle-income economy have people started to notice.  Once they step away from the boob-tube, the most expedient thing for the ill-informed to do is blame the man in charge without giving a thought to what went-on before, and how we got ourselves into this mess.  So CUT Social Security, CUT food stamps CUT Pell Grants.  But keep the rich wealthy at all costs my little oysters…

A number of states are now fighting the Federal Government in court to close imaginary voting loopholes with the covert goal of preventing seniors, who’ve been alienated by the GOP Medicare-slashing rhetoric outlined in the Paul Ryan budget.  Those same proposed voter ID laws are meant also to prevent progressive young people from casing a vote — but above all, Republicans don’t want to see African Americans and Latinos casting decisive votes that might propel Obama to win a 2nd term in office.

The new laws being proposed by states like South Carolina, Texas, Michigan and Kentucky among others, want to require very specific photo ID’s which are virtually impossible for many seniors and minorities to obtain.  College ID’s are not being accepted either, although they once were.  A 93 year old black woman in Kentucky who has voted, and done-so legally for decades is only one of a number of people being denied voter ID’s in Kentucky.  The League of Women Voters is trying to combat this targeted discrimination over the coming year by providing transportation and legal advise to people endangered throughout the nation of loosing their precious right to vote.  I wish them the best of luck.  It isn’t unusual for minority seniors to have been delivered by midwives — especially in rural areas where no birth certificates were ever issued.  I have an an aunt (Caucasian) who discovered she was a year younger than she thought because of unclear record keeping some 85 years ago – but when she turned retirement age was unable to collect her Social Security until the following year — she WAS however permitted to vote — but as I said, she’s white and incidentally, a registered Republican.

I’m the majority inspector of my voting district here in center-city Philadelphia, and I have never witnessed any kind of voting irregularity.  For the most part those of us working the polls have gotten to know by sight and name, a remarkable number of voters in our district.  When a new voter arrives, there’s notification on the sign-in book informing us to ask to see an ID.  Many people volunteer to show their ID even when it’s not required.

James O’Keefe, best known for producing misleading and fraudulent documentaries to bolster his wing-nut conservative paranoia recently attempted to pull-off voter fraud in both Iowa and New Hampshire, and discovered it wasn’t so easy as he thought…  Now the little punk faces potential jail time for his ill-advised experiment.  We can only hope he gets a sentence stern enough that it strips him of his right to vote ever again.

Turn-around is, after all, fair play.

My advise is to register to vote NOW — and to be on the safe-side by doing your level best to obtain proper identification.  We don’t want to see a repeat of the shenanigans delivered to us when George W. Bush was handed the helm, allowing him to steer the ship of state into financial dry-dock.  We’re in recovery mode people — it simply isn’t going to happen as quickly as you might like — and not at all with ANY of the current batch of Republican contenders should we be so cursed as to see any of them win the White House.

The Same Old Political Honky Tonk

 

Jon Huntsman finally came to his senses and bowed out of the GOP presidential circus.  From the day he announced his intentions to run — attempting to have the Statue of Liberty as his backdrop — only to have miscalculated the camera angles leaving him featuring a dry-docked tour boat behind him – nothing has gone right for poor Jon Huntsman.  For one thing he’s too smart to connect with the current GOP voter, who’re angry even if they don’t know why — and hate Obama because it’s too unsettling for them to face the reality that George W. Bush is the reason the country’s in this economic pickle.  But now Huntsman who’s shown nothing short of bitter disdain for Mitt Romney is backing him, as he himself backs out of the limelight – assuming he was ever IN the limelight.

 

This happens time and time again in political run-offs.  Adversaries from the same political stripe tear at each other’s throats enacting a dry run of what the opposing party has in store during the REAL campaign – and then suddenly everybody’s all kissie-face for the press and backing the frontrunner 100% – even if secretly they’d like to have him knocked-off somewhere in a back alley. 

Look at how contentious the Democratic primary race became between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.  It was a verbal blood-bath.  Now they’re working together in harmony.  Truth to tell, I think Barack and Hillary have grown to develop a solid, mature professional respect for each other.  I don’t, however see the same thing happening within the Republican Party.  Those dudes (including Bachmann and Cain) genuinely despise each other.  Once Romney gets the nomination-nod they’ll all be behind him like he was their man all along…  But don’t be fooled, this is a fractured party and an even more fractured electorate.  Bush/Cheney destroyed the GOP brand.  The noisy squawking of the evangelicals and the Tea Party aside – NOW is the time for a populist president and there’s only one effective populist on the horizon, and he’s NOT a Republican – even when he acts like one.

 

Huntsman can get back to playing honky tonk piano and talking to himself in Mandarin.  He’s pretty good at both – but it isn’t his time to be the Republican candidate for president.  It would do him a world of good to keep his distance from that wolf-pack.  They’re poison by association.


Bend Over America

The State that fired the first shot in the Civil War is holding a GOP primary on Saturday, January 21st.  National GOP polls show Mitt Romney far ahead of the pack – but in evangelical Christian South Carolina they’d nominate Satan himself if only to unseat an African American president.  That’s a handy choice for them, since that’s pretty much what they’ve got to choose from.  In the Palmetto State where palms are the state tree, and cockroaches go by the same name, Newt Gingrich is running neck ‘n redneck with Mitt Romney – and hardcore evangelicals are throwing their weight behind Rick Santorum.  Apparently they like ‘em dumb down Dixie-way.

South Carolina responds well to regressive wedge issues because they don’t know any better, and even though SC’s a state hard-hit by the recession, it’s more important to vote your God given prejudice than apply deeper thought to what really might be in their own best interests.  “It’s the economy, stupid.”  Where have we heard that before…?

‘No Bain, no gain’ — at least no gain on the part of those who’ve been cut-off at the knees by ‘vulture capitalism.’  This issue cuts both ways in the GOP primary with Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry hammering away at Mitt Romney’s checkered past as a venture capitalist at Bain Capital.  But questioning capitalism in any form has thrown Republicans into conversion hysteria — heaven for-fend anyone should grasp how unregulated capitalism has contributed to lowering the standard of living for countless Americans.

Romney’s done an admirable job of countering these claims and justifying his heartless, shameful “business” record, but that isn’t the point.  Mitt made his money OFF of MONEY – he did it for himself and his shareholders.  He is not now, nor will he ever BE a job creator.  In fact Romney knows nothing whatsoever about creating jobs – aside from sending them overseas to cut-down on overhead so as to line the pockets of shareholders.  Meanwhile the jobless rate under Obama has been slowly but steadily improving (down to 8.5%) and of course, Wall Street is doing just fine, thank you.  But more importantly, the economy in general is starting to improve.  If that trend continues, it’ll take the wind out of the GOP’s sails and set them adrift like the ‘Raft of the Medusa.’

A startling number of Americans don’t understand that capitalism, while having made an important contribution to improving our way of life, left untended without guidelines and regulations, also leads to the downfall of our collective middle-class way of life.  There is no more upward mobility left in the American dream — unless you happen to inherit it.

America doesn’t MAKE or EXPORT much of anything anymore.  We’ve become a consumer-based economy where no one has any money to buy anything, including the products produced by companies who’s jobs were shipped overseas through the likes of greedy men like Mitt Romney.  What money our country IS raking-in is going directly into the bank accounts of the uber-wealthy shareholders, leaving the middle-class to dry-up and fall into an endless pit of poverty.

For example: Take the confused hue and cry about reforming the health care system — in particular the health insurance end of the industry:  Living under the grip of a FOR PROFIT health insurance industry means a disproportionate amount of every dollar a consumer or business spends on health insurance ISN’T going toward keeping the insured healthy — it’s going to socialite shareholders who are heavily invested in health insurance stock.  This drives-up prices, takes discretionary spending money out of the consumer’s pocket and puts a disproportionate burden on small businesses.  Some things in our country need to be — morally-speaking — socialized, like Medicare and Medicaid.  Adding to that, Universal Health Care (should it ever come to pass) if crafted as a not-for-profit alternative to insurance conglomerates would bring-about a level of competition driving-down health care costs in general.  That in turn puts more money back into the average person’s pocket — while alleviating an undue burden on businesses.

Driving down health care costs is one way American companies can become competitive affording us to ship goods overseas to our trading partners while creating jobs for American workers at home.  Does anyone seriously think the top 1% wealthiest people in American need any more money poured into their bank accounts while paying lower taxes?  YES – the entire Republican Party as embodied by every single self-serving GOP presidential candidate — especially Mitt Romney.  If any of the Republican candidates win the 2012 election – bend over America – this is gonna hurt.

Newtzilla vs Mitthra in the Palmetto State

Attacks on Romeny’s history at Bain Capital are being rolled-back by the Gingrich Super PAC of attack-dogs due to an unnecessary exaggeration what is already an appalling career history.  No exaggerations necessary.  As to which one’s got the more appalling history is the question…  This is a face-off between 2 men battling-it-out as to who’s past is the shadiest.  

 Both men are unrepentantly amoral.  Gingrich’s well known history of destroying political adversaries while crushing his wives hearts has long been public knowledge – not to mention the congressional ethics violations and fines.  Romney’s history is more like an automaton approaching problems dispassionately devoid of feeling – whether ruining lives, gutting companies or strapping the family dog to the roof of the car because he’d fathered too many children and couldn’t fit everyone in the van…  Romney embodies problem-solving at it’s most robotic.  Romney’s “practical” solutions to problems are symptomatic of a man born lacking human empathy – a quality shared by both Mitt and Newt alike.

Current polling is all over the map, and my guess is polls are skewed based on who sponsors them.  Some polls show Romney way out in front with a wide lead over Gingrich, Santorum and Ron Paul – depicted as locked in a statistical dead-heat.  Other polls show Gingrich lagging only a few points behind Romney and quickly gaining momentum, snappin’ at his rear, if you will.  Rick Perry’s in 5th place because he’s dumb as a stone, but at least he’s protestant.  Jon Huntsman is dead-last, because he’s too intelligent for the evangelical voters who are suspicious of anyone with book-larnin’ – besides, they think there’s already too many Mormons in the race.It’s anyone’s guess what will happen on Saturday, January 21st.  None of the options are comforting to citizens capable of tying their own shoe laces.  But when in doubt, South Carolina will always pick the worst possible candidate.  Lest we forget George W. Bush.  This is a gullible electorate – religion before logic – belligerently stupid and goddamn proud of it.  They’ll leave the choozin’ to Jesus and go back in the trailer to watch ‘Access Hollywood’ and deep-fry them some palmetto bugs topped with butter ‘n salt.  Hmmm, YUM – better’n popcorn ‘n cheaper too.

Be afraid – be very, very afraid.  South Carolina has an eerie way of deciding the fate and future of the GOP presidential candidates.

 

 

Mitt Romney & the Li’l People ‘a Dixie

We have an entire year to “examine” the GOP candidate(s) running to oppose Barack Obama, and thus far, it hasn’t been pretty.  In fact the candidates are blithely ignoring Ronald Regan’s 11th Commandment of ‘Thou Shalt Not Attack Another Republican.’  That said, as much as the GOP likes to invoke the memory of Ronald Regan, this is no longer the party of Regan – nor the party of Teddy Roosevelt nor Abraham Lincoln for that matter.  The new GOP is the party of crazy – Jerry Springer’s crazy with a hefty dash of regressive policies and more than a table-spoon of god, guns and greed thrown-in for good measure.

Mitt Romney, as presumptive frontrunner is challenged with the task at hand of connecting with the South Carolina electorate.  My best advise to him is to black-out a couple front teeth, and see if he can find a hairdresser to whip that head of hair he’s got into an Elvis-do.  Romney has to win the hearts and minds of the people of Walmart — and South Carolina’s unemployment is high.  Adult dee-pends and diet Dr Pepper ain’t cheap these days.  None of that should be much of a hurdle for Romney, as these are the people who delivered George W. Bush onto the national political stage, voting counter to their own best interests — and we all know how well that turned-out…

South Carolina is a state considered to be the strong-hold of the Bible Belt — with a rich history of governors having scandalous extra-marital affairs.  Scandal and redemption make for good headlines just so long as they’re heterosexual headlines.  First there was Governor Mark Sanford’s embarrassing, highly publicized affair that turned him into a zombie, and now the current Governor, Nikki Haley has her rumored romance.  No word as to whether either governor’s paramours are blood relatives, but it seems entirely plausible.  Salacious hypocrisy notwithstanding, the real force behind South Carolina is ultra-conservative Tea Party Senator Jim Demint, who isn’t the brightest bulb in the pack but he might be the most influential.  Demint connects with the backwater evangelical vote and is committed to almost anything as long as it impedes social progress – especially if he can help bring-down Barack Obama.  No particular reason, I can think-of aside from Mr. Obama not being white.  That’s reason enough in the deep south.

It’s got to be steaming Jim Demint’s grits that Mitt Romney is the most likely candidate.  Certainly Romney is white enough, but is he conservative enough?  And then there’s that pesky Mormon factor.  The Mormon faith is pretty far-fetched, but so are most organized religions.  More than likely Demint will show Romney limp-support and close ranks around him since no one else appears to be emerging as remotely viable.  Southern Republicans might even grow to like the idea of reversing Obama’s economic recovery trend — leveraging America into bankruptcy — selling all our assets — then outsourcing us all to China.  The United States will become a 3rd world “power” by the time Christian capitalists realize socialism isn’t the dirty word they think it is, and capitalism is not without glaring flaws.  It’s all a matter of semantics and perception. Kum ‘ta thaank of it, them suthern’er er already anti-semantics.

Mitt Romney’s family history as Mexican Immigrants?

Continuing in the vein, of “if Obama’s ancestral history is fair-game – then so is every other candidate…  Willard (Mittens) Romney comes from a long line of Mormons.  Mitt Romney is also vehemently anti-immigrant — as is politically “convenient” given the rhetoric he needs to spew in order to appeal to his totally unappealing base.  Bearing that in mind, it is of historical importance to note that Mitt’s own family are Mexican immigrants.  How could that be, you ask…(?)  Especially coming from such a totally “white” guy – let alone a man who at one time favored the ‘Dream Act’ to naturalize immigrants brought to America at a young age.

 Here’s how it all came to pass…

Way back in the 1870’s, well after the multi-wived Mormon cult fled Palmyra, New York for Utah, polygamy was outlawed.  Mitt’s great grandfather refused to comply with the new Federally-imposed laws.  I mean let’s face it – what dude doesn’t want a harem with a steady flow of sexual variety in his life?  The Church of the Latter Day Saints relying on the flamboyant hallucinations of founder, Joseph Smith, citing biblical references where Old Testament kings had multiple wives, expanded on those passages as an excuse to form a giant sex-club being palmed-off as a religion.  Mitten’s great grandfather, not wanting to give-up a good harem, hightailed-it to Mexico, with all five wives in tow running from the equivalent of a ‘bench-warrant’ for his arrest. Grand-Pappy Romney founded a Mormon colony south of the border — far away from American law and prying eyes.

It wasn’t until the Mexican Revolution Mitten’s family emigrated BACK to the United States preferring monogamy to being slaughtered in somebody else’s war.  In fact Mitten’s father, former presidential candidate, George Romney was born in Mexico, and didn’t come to America until he was 5 years old.  (Mitt’s father, George Romney lost the 1968 Republican nomination to Richard Nixon – talk about nobody worthwhile to choose from in the primaries… history repeats on ‘ya like a tuna hoagie.)  The Romney’s still have close Mormon relatives of the same last name living in Mexico.  Mitt’s direct decendents resettled in Salt Lake City, Utah where they’d have a close proximity to neighboring Las Vegas, Nevada and thus ready access to prostitution and anonymous sex.  Happy endings for all.

As a hippie back in the 1960’s those of us who were attending upstate New York universities, would get high and go to ‘Pageant’ in Palmyra, New York.  No word “the” – just “Pageant.”  Squeaky-clean Aryan youths hand-out pamphlets explaining the religion in rehearsed, Stepford-like voices.  Once the outdoor “Pageant” begins, viewers are treated to a tall tale with mythological representations of the ‘Seven Lost Cities of Gold’ – complete with Christ – post Crucifixion – hovering 18″ above the earth floating around teaching the Gospel to Native American’s, who are referred to as the lost tribe of Jews.  There’s a battle-scene with goats and sheep bleating over a loud-speaker – the Angel Moroni – Viking Ships – sets – costumes – lighting -effects – fireworks AND the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (sometimes canned on off-anniversary years.)  The only thing missing are the June Taylor Dancers and fire-eaters spinning plates on pool-cuesAnd here I thought the virgin birth was a stretch…  “Pageant” is best experienced on a tab of acid, since they frisk you at the entrance for flasks.

All these histrionics are performed to justify the delusions of Joseph Smith’s and Brigham Young’s God-given right to sexual variety.  All things considered, its a hell of a lot easier to merely cheat on your wife – with turn-around being fair play. And that is the story of how Mitt Romney’s family came to become Mexican immigrants.  Oh beautiful for spacious skies…

Rick Santorum’s Communist Family History

If it was ‘fair game’ to go after Barack Obama’s Kenyan ancestry, shouldn’t it also be fair game to go after Rick Santorum’s Communist ancestry? 

WHAT?  

You read me correctly.  Rick Santorum is from a long family line of Italian liberal communists, according to his great aunt, 83-year-old-Maria Malacarne Santorum.

The Santorum family originates from the north of Italy in a small town called Riva del Garda which is known for being a stronghold of liberal and progressive thinking.  The Santorums – at least the one’s still living in Italy are not anti-abortion, and they’re liberal on homosexuality, taking the Catholic Church with a grain of salt.  In other words, progressive intellectuals.  Perhaps sanity skips a generation in some families, and guess which generation WE’VE got?  His great aunt went on to say “There are Santorums who would roll over in their graves to hear the kinds of things he says.”

Most of the Santorum family are REDS — communist and anti fascist — including Rick Santorum’s sainted coal-mining grandfather mentioned in his Iowa 2nd place victory speech — the grandfather with the big working man’s hands to whom he attributes lifting him to the success he enjoys today.  Yep, you guessed it — liberal communist.  Rick Santorum has been to Italy to visit this branch of his family and broken bread, so none of this comes as a surprise to him – only to the astonishment of rest of us.  His relatives express a hope their American cousin will consider becoming more tolerant.  In short, they’re not holding their collective breaths expecting to visit the White House or ride on Airforce One — for a variety of reasons…  Not the least of which is Santorum’s slipping poll numbers and his legendary, rabid lack of coherence.

Whatever else I might have posted in parody form on this blog, this is not an example.  You can’t make-up material like this.

 

A Luke Warm Win for Romney

Mitt Romney has gotten a lot of flack lately over poorly thought-out comments such as “liking to fire people” – it doesn’t matter that it’s out of context, it was a political gaff.  Then there was his stumbling comments about having once been afraid he might receive a pink slip…(yeah, right…)  No one believed him, and he should’ve gone there.   But he won New Hampshire in another luke-warm victory.

Never in my memory has the Republican Party been so fractured.  Mitt Romney won.  Again.  Unenthusiastically on the part of those who even bothered to show-up to vote.  Turnout was low.  But a real message has been sent to the Republican Party.  The voter’s aren’t happy with their choices.  This is a party searching for an identity in a field of amnesiacs.

Ann Coulter who was widely quoted as saying, “If we don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the our candidate, and we will loose.”  Now that Romney is being defined within the party by Rick Perry as a “vulture-capitalist” Coulter’s scrambling to redefine Romney as the as the poster child of the capitalist American way.  Incidentally, there’s no reason to think Rick Perry came up with that line on his own.  He isn’t that clever.

Meanwhile Newt Gingrich is on a jihad with blood and vengeance in his eyes, willing to take-down the whole GOP to defend his dishonor which bubbled to the surface by way of Romney’s Iowa shadow super-pac smear campaign.  What did they think would happen with ‘Citizens United’ as the campaign law of the land?  Newt’s South Carolina retaliation ads promise to be nothing short of a scorched earth policy.

Crazy comes in 2nd. and Ron Paul’s appeal to the politically naive reinforces the message of how weary Americans are of big government and corporate domination — but those voters are in for a big surprise when they realize Libertarianism is a utopian study in contradictions.  It all may sound good at first sound-bite, and even somewhat sincere, but it’s impractical to the extreme and destined to self-destruct.

There are bits and pieces to be taken from the Libertarian ethic, but on closer scrutiny there’s a sub-current I could never get-behind – a backward endorsement of granting citizens the right to dis-include other citizens based on their “freedom to pursue prejudice” and that’s where deeper thinkers part company with Ron Paul’s libertarian philosophy.

Rick Perry and Rick Santorum are unwittingly battling-it-out for who can be more irrelevant.  And poor little rich Jon Huntsman thinks coming-in at a distant 3rd is his “ticket to ride” – to South Carolina that is…  Huntsman is a smart man who should face the fact that this is not his year.  He’s too bright to get the nomination given the dim-bulbs manipulating the nomination process — and the evangelical base is already blistering with prejudice against the other Mormon in the race.

Jon Huntsman (and even Ron Paul in his own distorted way) are trying to restore integrity to a morally bankrupt GOP still reeling from the blithering idiocy of the Bush/Cheney years.  However, I think the Republican Party, lost in the woods needs to allow it’s own forest to burn to the ground before it can be re-born — or for that matter, ever again be trusted.

In short GOP disarray bodes well for Obama in 2012 — and Jon Huntsman, while largely a man of honor and ideas is too far ahead of the pack for his party to even see him waiving desperately in the distance.  He’s like the cheese who stands alone.  What remains to be seen is if his uber-wealthy father funds a super-pac.  At the moment, the best thing he has going for him is a bevy of strikingly beautiful daughters.  But it’s still not his year.  He’s too coherent for the Republican Party of the time.

 

Duck D. Duck Wins the New Hampshire Primary

To insiders, it comes as no surprise that Duck D. Duck, the Long Island Ice Tea candidate from Texas swept the New Hampshire Primary solidifying her status as the new GOP frontrunner. Candidate Duck, wearing an ensemble by Betsy Johnson, didn’t know whether to “shit or throw doughnuts” but addressed voters in her customary down-home-folksy way, with the following humble victory speech:

“Thank you to all the little people out there in the dark who have helped make me the political rock star I am today. And while I won’t say I couldn’t have done it without you, I will take the time to acknowledge Charles and David Koch for padding my war-chest and funding the Long Island Ice Tea Super-pac.  Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t send a quick ‘shout-out’ to the ‘Supremes’ on the Supreme Court for finally silencing all voices of reason with the clatter of secretly-funded, misleading and shady campaign ads.”

Her words stirred her supporters and campaign staff to tears as everyone’s minds turned to thoughts of future ways to best fleece the American public who’ve been so wrapped-up watching football, that they have no idea what’s in store for them.  The question most pundit’s are asking, is which of the six-ways-from-Sunday are we all going to be screwed next?

Duck D. Duck has remained on message through the guidance of her campaign manager and close confidant, Winifred P. Jumpingbean who has consistently served as the architect of her campaign.  Duck’s message has been a simple one: Put everyone who disagrees with her into a wood-chipper and convert them into a useful mulch to be used by recipients of farm subsidies to fertilize land taxpayers are generously paying farmers not to farm — and then frack the living crap out of each and every pristine pasture.

When asked why her candidate so far surpassed the other contenders, Winifred P. Jumpingbean replied: “Voters were very surprised to learn that under that crisp exterior, Mitt Romney actually does wear a pink slip.  Rick Santorum, on the other hand is focused entirely on voter’s genitals. Rick Perry looks ridiculous in Spandex and only opens his mouth to change feet. Voters fear that Newt Gingrich might take fashion tips form Rick Perry and also start wearing Spandex, which would cause a national epidemic of blindness. Ron Paul fails to connect with voters because he spends too much time communicating with the mother-ship from Planet Zavnar.  And Jon Huntsman while making a certain modicum of sense, only does so in Mandarin while hidden behind the Cloak of Invisibility.”  

Duck D. Duck, who has already packed her bags for South Carolina is working on refining her message to the Christian incest vote.

- Dissociated Press, 1/10/2012

The New Hampshire Primary is Duck D. Duck’s to Lose

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

 – Lewis Carroll, ‘Alice in Wonderland’

And now the time has come for New Hampshirites to endure an endless drone of cobbled-together replies to debate questions using stale rhetoric ripped from their own stump speeches as one candidate, less worthy than the other, do their level best to change the topic.  The topic being: Is this the BEST the Republican Party has to offer…?!!!

The Newtster will attack Mittens for smearing him with the truth — retaliating by re-smearing Mittens with his own treacherous past.  Both have played their own part in the downfall of our economy, and our collective perception of civility.  But what fun reality TV it is for one and all…

Newt has a whole bone-yard full of political and personal skeletons in his closet, while Mitt’s ‘touted’ business experience is leveraging companies into bankruptcy sending American jobs overseas.  That’s his “business acumen in the private sector?” – ruining businesses and ruining lives.  Sure, go ahead, let either of those inmates steer the ‘Ship of State…’

Then we have Ron Paul’s uncontrollable shadow super-pac hurling unguided-missiles at Jon Huntsman because he and his family have two adopted children — one Chinese and and the other East Indian.  To a sensible person there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact it’s admirable if you can afford it – but if a candidate wanted to send a signal to America’s racist splinter groups – what better way to do it?

 

Rick Santorum, has nothing whatsoever to offer on any subject that doesn’t lead back to advocating legislation dictating what other people do with their own genitals.  Rumor has it, Rick Perry has done some of those very same naughty things with his genitals, but it’s only rumor and innuendo.  If only someone could get past the innuendo, and catch him doing it in-the-window.  Nobody has the slightest idea why Rick Perry is still in the race — for that matter why ANY of them are?  These are the six most idiotic dunderheads ever gathered in one room dukin’-it-out over who get’s a stab at beating Obama, and setting our national course back on the trajectory of disaster originally forged by George W. Bush.

Whether left standing, or left-off by the roadside, this is the worst, most tragically-comical gaggle of nitwits to ever stumble onto the national stage.  there’s not a single one of them worth the polluted air they exhale when they speak, save one: DUCK D. DUCK who exhales only the finest pollution.  I not only enthusiastically endorse Candidate Duck for president — I believe, once elected she will be the only political candidate in history to have earned the title of ‘lame duck’ throughout her entire term.  Ms. Duck does, after all, suffer from occasional bouts of an avian disorder known as ‘bumblefoot.’  But if FDR could do it in a wheelchair, Duck D. Duck can do it while walking on water.

This editorial was brought to you by the Long Island Ice Tea Shadow Super-pac, who refuse to take responsibility for the content of this message let alone anything else expressed on this blog.

- Dissociated Press, 1/8/2012