If any political leader censors the press and forces theatrical productions to cease performances, while holding the single highest national head-count for human executions, then you know there’s gonna be a little signature forelock of hair falling down across his forehead.
Rick Perry’s goal is to one day be advertised on cable AdNet TV featured in a boxed set of DVD’s chronicling his atrocities for only $14.95 – AND – if you act now you’ll also get Hitler’s Greatest Hits including the Yodeling Milkmaids and every single unedited episode of the Lawrence Welk Show. Just dial the number at the bottom of your screen to order ‘Governor Goodhair & the Rise of the 4th Reich.’ AND if you call right now we’ll throw in ‘The Complete Rick Perry Hair Care Kit’ plus a free round of ammunition just so long as you’re white and luv Jezus.
But wait, if you order this genuine leather-faced home-grown Texas bull-pucky RIGHT NOW you’ll also get your social security and medicare taken away and replaced with a SECOND hair-care kit FOR FREE…!!! Why worry? Your fate will be in the hands of Governor Perry’s sponsors and overlords: AT&T;, Bank of America, ExxonMobil, the Koch brothers, T. Boone Pickens, Harold Simmons, Time Warner, Valero Energy, Grover Norquist, and Wal-Mart, just to name a few.
You can’t pass-up a deal like this!!!
Just Pickins’-up yer phone right now y’hear and dial 666-666-6666 for a dream come-true realization of the final apocalyptic vision first brought to you by the Bush Administration – just like you remembered it, only worse… Rapture, smapture – Just think, now you can get Dick Cheney’s soul packaged to look like Josh Brolin playing a film role as George W. Bush all for one low price – Your soul.
But there’s more…
Have you been worried about the variety of religions, races, ethnicity’s and sexual-diversities on the rise in this county? Well, if you answered “yes” then fear no more, ’cause Teaxass Governor, Rick Perry will deliver our nation into one state-mandated religion, thus ending pesky religious strife just like the Constitution sez it should. If elected Rick Perry will further end all problems (I MEAN programs) benefiting peoples of non-white racial, ethnic or national origin by “distilling” America into one race, religion and creed (by mysteriously effective and secretive means – most likely a Black & Decker wood-chipper – oops – secret’s out.)
But what will be in it’s place I hear you ask? Why Worship of the almighty devaluating dollar in all it’s forms in the name of our Lord Jezus Christ who’s image will magically appear on all forms currency.
$14.95 plus shipping and handling, and you’ll get you one gen-u-ine leather-faced, red-necked cowboy-closet-queen with 1980’s hair, a scandalous past and a swaggering attitude. An attitude that says “I don’t know what I’m doing, and neither should you” which is why you need to cast your one and only precious vote for the white dude who can barely form whole sentences unless they’re death sentences.
Sound familiar? Why there’s more:
If your IQ is less than half the lower number of your blood-pressure or your credit score – whichever’s worse – and you believe in your heart it’s someone else’s fault – then pull a Repbulican’t Tea Party lever for Rick Perry on Tuesday, November 6th, 2012 and say goodbye to what little you have left and hold dear.
This ad was brought to you by your local chapter of the Duck D. Duck for President Campaign (DuckPAC) and the Long Island Ice Tea Party (LIITP) c/o the Pond, Somewhere in Texas.