Baby Wet Tears

I’m a firm believer in men crying.  Crying is a valuable steam-valve that many men find difficult to embrace.  Male children are taught not to cry.  They’re called ‘cry-babies’ and scolded because ‘big boys don’t cry.’  Yet John Boehner can cry at the drop of a hat — making me wonder if the man doesn’t need psychotherapy.  He cries over almost anything.  Enough already – it seems less like sensitivity than it does instability.

Leslie Stahl appeared stupefied when interviewing John Boehner last Sunday on 60 Minutes, at how easily this man cries – and repeatedly.  He’s a total drama-queen. He cries when thinking of children growing-up to realize the American dream’ – while consistently voting to squash those dreams like bugs. As to whether those children in his mind’s eye are black, brown, yellow or white is up for debate…  Or perhaps they’re rich and ruddy orange like him?  

John Boehner will cry in front of his colleagues in the Senate to underscore his position to support banking bailouts — and then cry over those same bailouts as if these measures he himself supported were UN-American and he’d had nothing to do with them.  There are people paying attention and keeping records.  It may feel like it, John, but you’re not the only person in the universe with feelings.  The poor have feelings too – they’re rich with emotions.  John Boehner is a master of ‘crocodile’ tears.

The man’s not wrapped too tight.  I watched him weeping his eyes-out over his reelection in November, and waxing-rhapsodic about how he IS the living, breathing realization of the American dream…

…And without skipping a breath he leads the charge to stonewall all sorts of measures that would help children caught in the poverty cycle to realize those same dreams he attained.  Apparently there’s not enough “dream” to go around – he needs it all for himself, or it’ll reduce him to tears.

I watched him on election night and again into the following day blathering-on about his good fortune and success, while championing tax-cuts for the very wealthiest Americans — and holding vital relief programs hostage for the country’s underprivileged.  There’s more than one disconnect with this a man who sees his own life as a tear-jerking success-story — and then votes against health care for the 9/11 first responders.

Does Boehner cry on the golf course?  Or in the bar at Morton’s?  Or perhaps while laying on the tanning bed?  Or any of the other vital tasks that define his career in congress?  Who knows?  But at the end of the day the thing most worth weeping-over is how a knuckleheaded nincompoop like him could ever rise to such heights of power and wealth.  

What does he cry for?  He cries for the future of America’s rich children.  Will they be rich enough?

The Silence of the Pope

On Christmas Eve many decades ago, a drunken and rowdy Tallulah Bankhead wandered into Saint Patrick’s Cathedral in New York taking her place by the processional aisle.  Two cross and standard-bearing alter boys followed the bishop as he strode down the aisle swinging the holy incense-burner into his path.  Miss Bankhead, out of nowhere reached around and grabbed the bishop by his brocade and bejeweled sleeve saying “Dahling, I ADORE your gown, but your PURSE it on fire!” — she was summarily ushered out onto 5th Avenue, unable to contain her mirth and self-satisfaction before heading to Twenty-One for another round of Christmas cheer.

I miss Tallulah Bankhead, she was SO far ahead of her time.

Recent WikiLeaks documents have disclosed thwarted investigations of sexual abuse by Catholic priests in over 140 countries, most notably in Ireland.  This has never really been a secret – just now it’s determined fact. Pope Benedicthead is proven not only to be fully aware of these transgressions, but undeniably implicated in the shuffling and cover-up of sexually offending priests.  This was accomplished by using Papal City State’s political immunity to circumvent investigations by authorities. 

That’s “Merry Christmas” numero uno from the Vatican.

The second serious revelation that’s come out, is the seizure of Vatican banking records which gravely implicate the Pontiff in a money laundering scheme using ATM machines and ‘shady’ businessmen with priests serving as “fronts’ for the Mafia.  Now THAT is truly delicious.  The Vatican’s bank account has been seized and frozen by police in Rome.  Who knows? – with all those ill-gotten gains and a spectacular little yard sale, we might finally acquire the funds necessary to cure world hunger and disease?!!!  Isn’t that what every fair-minded person really wants for Christmas? (While spending considerably less red Prada-slippers and dry-cleaning bills). 

That’s Merry Christmas numero dos from the Vatican.

Both stories were released yesterday from Associated Press, and Winnie and I are so tickled-pink, we might even decorate the house for the pagan holidays.  

Links to the original press-coverage below.

Theirs Are Voices United in a Hymn of Fools

I don’t want anyone thinking I’m anti-God.  Truth to tell I have no confirmed opinion for or against the existence of God.  Some things are beyond anyone’s authority to claim or disprove.  My problem has always been with organized religion.  Take it on faith without proof.  One generation saying to the next – HERE, believe THIS whether or not the dots come close to connecting.

Faith never questioned is no faith at all.

The boisterous outrage known as the Westboro Church is one step beyond organized religion – it’s a cult based on hate and illogical nonsense.  Today’s announcement that they’re going to shout and scream into bullhorns to disrupt the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards should drive the point home to any fair-minded person, that the Westboro Baptist Church is a magnet for sick-minds.  They’re so ‘sure’ they’re right – so ‘confident’ in their false-security… and so fueled by sensational hatred they’ve rendered themselves beneath contempt.  Theirs are the voices united in a hymn of fools.

CoolAid communion anyone?

On the other hand, Elizabeth Edwards was a woman who conducted her life with courage and dignity.  She was tested past a point anyone should be asked to endure.  Her memory doesn’t deserve to be further tortured into the grave because a gaggle of imbeciles have “decided” the poor woman didn’t turn enough to ‘faith’ while she was dying.  

How the hell do they know?  Were they there?  Did they have some mystical thread revealing her private thoughts?  Of course not.  This is merely an excuse to draw attention to themselves and their tragic-comical cult.  It makes me almost wish hell were real, if only for the knowing that — that’s where their sordid souls would surely be dumped for eternity.

When left in the misguided hands of sociopaths and false profits, any organized faith runs the risk of turning to morbid zealotry.  Westboro Baptist is case in point.

But in death, as in life, Elizabeth Edwards rose above that which tormented her.  Now it’s her family and her young children who bear the brunt of a cruel and unusual send-off from the strangers who come from hell.  Let them go back from whence they came and be quick about it.

For surely goodness and mercy did follow her all the days of her life, and she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

If I Only Had a Heart – de dum-tee-diddly dum.

It’s confirmed.  The far right are blood-sucking zombies.  I’ve always suspected it — or rather, known it instinctively — if truth be told.  And the senate is the constipation branch of congress.

Today among other strike-downs, the republicans have dashed the dreams of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ while slowly torturing the dreams of ‘The Dream Act.’  They’ve gotten their superfluous tax-cuts to pamper obscene-greed, and that legislation is all but in-the-bag.  Yet today republican senators also voted AGAINST health care for 9/11 ‘first responders.’  One helluva treasonous gaggle of patriots the right-wing, they.

Today, among an embarrassment-of-riches, a FOX News source leaked numerous documents confirming the way political pundits were dictated what language to use in order to confuse and distort public perceptions during the the health care debate. The Daily Beast reports republican pollster Frank Luntz instructed Sean Hannidy with the following advise:  “If you call it a public option, the American people are split, but If you call it the government option, the public is overwhelmingly against it.”

Ahhh, the power syntax and double-talk.

For the last several months, financially-strapped transplant recipients in Arizona have been denied life-saving procedures because hideous Govern-whore Jan Brewer says the “state can’t afford to pay” for these “risky” procedures.- nor can they afford to pay Medicare for sick children.  This judgment effectively sentences the majority of these people in need, to death.  You know the money goes somewhere… OR “already allocated” to quote Jan Brewer.  You are no doubt aware that organ-transplant donations don’t go to waste, they go somewhere too…

…To the wealthy in need. Life is valued in direct proportion to the depth of your bank account.

Poverty combined with treatable-illness are now officially punishable by death in Arizona — by the decree of bureaucrats who make it their business to deny the needy health care.  Heart, liver and bone-marrow transplants have been described as “experimental.”  All the while Dick Cheney lives with no pulse by fully artificial means in the lap of luxury waiting for a proper match for HIS sorely lacking heart.  Lice are a perfect match, but the scale is all wrong – lice have too large and generous a heart.  By the way, the American tax-payer is to a large degree paying to keep that human pile of waste-material alive.  OMG – Cheney IS a zombie…!!!

But is gets worse…

Today the state of Indiana denied a six-month-old infant named Seth Petreikis, a transplant.  The little boy is suffering from DiGeorge syndrome (due to an underdeveloped thymus, an organ that fights glandular infection.)  The child needs a transplant readily available at Duke University — but it costs $500,000.

That equals the privileged incomes of 2 families who were just awarded a tax-break they don‘t need.  OR equal to 2 blow-out protectors for offshore drilling rigs which have in turn interred costs beyond calculation.  (More than one rig has gone kerfluie – but most people are only aware of the famous, Deep Water Horizon well).

So the republican party have pulled the wool over the nation’s eyes by implementing what they cajoled the gullible into believing was heartlessness by the “other party” — defining democrats as being in favor of ‘Death Panels.’  It’s the other way around, kids.  Conservatives will always do what they accuse other people of thinking.  It’s their winning strategy.

The Deficit and Taxes in the Age of Opulance

I have never been the most practical person in the world, but even as financially confused as I may be, I realize the economic catastrophe we’ve blithely ignored for the past decade will destroy our country.  Extending the Bush tax breaks for the obscenely wealthy who are making over a quarter million dollars a year accounts for $32 billion worth of revenue per year, flushed down the toilet, plus long-term interest.


Our fiscal sewer line is already backed-up to the exploding point.  Tragically I believe Obama, was painted into this corner, and made the best deal left to him given what remained on the table. The lame duck congress stranded him with few options for 2 infuriating reasons – first – the clock is ticking mighty fast before the new and more hostile republican house takes effect – and second – he and the whole party allowed themselves to be out-maneuvered by the criminals who comprise the republican side of the aisle.  A compromise starting above a million dollars a year when introduced earlier this week was smacked down in congress by republicans bolstered by a coterie of turncoat democrats.  Remember the senate requires a 60% majority, and that majority was shy by 7 votes. 

Had the tax breaks expired in January on ALL Americans including the middleclass, we would be in far worse shape come 2011.  But it’s not entirely Obama’s failure – he’s merely the face of that failure.  The entire democratic party fumbled the ball – and this outcome is as good as we’re going to get — only because it’s not as bad as it would otherwise have been.  It’s debatable how empty the glass remains, but it isn’t looking good. In return we got a 13 month extension of unemployment insurance benefits and an increase on inheritance taxes from gluttonous estates.  Measures that genuinely inject money back into the economy.
Hopefully now, after the president publicly expressed frustrations with his own party, he’ll realize in hindsight the basic human reaction of this redress — leveling chastising words directed at the very people who most loved him — and the same people he most needs.  Come the New Year, he will have to redirect his rage toward the obstinate party of “NO.”  Stop pandering to them.  They want our president ruined if not dead.  If they could erase his name from history they’d do so.

I hate this bill, it galls me.  The president hates this bill.  Most liberals hate this bill.  Even some republicans hate this bill.  Warren Buffett hates this bill and warned tirelessly against it.  Everyone hates this bill except for the republicans who really don’t need these tax cuts or frankly even care about them.  The republicans merely view this as a shallow victory – and another ‘brick in the wall’ to block any and all progressive reforms in their inexhaustible quest to regain the White House in 2012 — and a full monopoly on our whole government.

Remember how well that worked out last time they wielded power…?

We’re now forced to sink even further into debt with China and Russia for unfathomable dollar amounts.  There’s no guarantee that some of that debt might well be in part benefiting Iran and other enemies of the United States – rogue nations who have regular secret dealings with with China and Russia playing catalyst. 

We’re loosing the world economic war, and passing the torch of staggering debt to America’s great, great, great grandchildren. America is racing toward becoming a 3rd world nation starting NOW, in our own lifetimes.

Ancient Egypt lasted for thousands of years.  Rome had a goodly long run for centuries.  Britannia ruled the waves.  But America’s power and greatness are gravely and prematurely withering on the vine.  Empires burn-out quickly in the age of the internet.

That said, the financial ball was fumbled a decade ago.  Reprehensible as it is, this is as good as it’ll get until someone figures out how to shame the fundamentally shameless Republican Party into growing a conscience (fat chance) and America learns to live within her means.  I’ve learned to like rice and beans.  I even drink boxed wine now – once unthinkable.  And take if from me, both taste even better while living indoors during winter weather.

So while the president relaxes taking it on the chin playing basketball, I’d prefer he grow a pair of basketballs of his own, and approach 2011 as less of an idealistic centrist and emerge to be a far more hardened man.  Giving him credit, he and the 2 year democratic congress did make good on a great many promises, just not the biggest one of them all – vital tax reform

I still want to believe in Obama.  And I don’t want to turn into the hopeless skeptic I’m rapidly becoming… or is that septic?  We are after all “tanking”.  Please, Mr President, prove me wrong, and champion a winning agenda  over the next 2 years.

Let Us Sing A Slaying Song Tonight

Alaska is a beautiful state, or so I‘m told.  But Alaska is a state with one spiritually pug-ugly ex-half-term governor.  Sarah Palin may be described as having a physically pretty appearance – but it’s what’s on the inside that matters. 

I was eating my lunch at noon today when I glanced-up at the TV news just in time to see Sarah Palin pull the trigger on some sort of antlered animal, and shoot the poor beast dead in it‘s tracks.  I assume it was a reindeer.  I wasn’t intentionally watching ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska,’ nor would I ever.  I have better things to do even when I have nothing to do.  What I caught was an excerpt being replayed on a station other than TLC just in time to witness the daily news fixation on the Palins. 

Lucky me. 

I also got to see Palin use a baseball bat to club a ’floundering’ halibut to death last week by much the same viewing happenstance.  You can’t get away from the woman.  She’s everywhere at once, killing things, making incoherent comments and inventing useless words.

Some people say she’ll actually put in a bid for the presidency in two years, and all of this media-glut is part of her strategy.  I hear people say her candidacy (should it come to pass in 2012) would insure Obama’s reelection.  Great, if that’s what happens.  But what if it doesn’t, and we’re saddled with that deranged media-whore as  the leader of the free world?  It’s too much of a horror to even contemplate.  Just imagine a president dumber than George Bush…  A president who (if possible) is even less informed…  with potentially worse judgment… while equally inarticulate… and squatting in the Oval Office controlling the ship of state.

It sends a shiver down my spine.

Palin can taste power and money – and the American people have repeatedly proven in the past to be a little slow on the uptake.  But for now it’s all fun and game-hunting.  So, as to boost her ratings, and push her inescapable mediocrity to the nth degree, Palin is joining forces with Kate Goslin, thus enabling the entire nation to tune-in and watch two fully dysfunctional families demonstrate how appalling parenting skills can warp the minds of children. 

The best we can hope for is a national “Palin-burnout” to set-in.  It set-in with me about 48 hours after McCain announced her as his running mate in ‘08. 

For those of you brain-scrambled enough to intentionally take time out of your week to watch ‘Sarah Palin‘s Alaska‘, you’ll get to enjoy ‘Kate Plus Hate‘ in an upcoming episode.  Just what the world needs.  Goslin however,  is dangerous only to her own children.  Palin is potentially dangerous to the entire free world.  Maybe Palin’s next “celebrity” guest should be Michael Vick?  Or better yet, let her go on an animal killing-spree with Dick Cheney.  Then her show might be pelleted by a happy ending.  Now THAT, would be something I would tune-in to watch.

All I Want for Christmas is My Two-bit Thief (clapped in irons)

Duck’s ankle length orange boots are from Christian-Louboutin.  Her iridescent tangerine lips-gloss courtesy of Guerlain, Paris. She knows how to dress for a sting.

Indulge me here  – yeah, I know – it ‘ain’t nevah gonna happen’ – but the fantasy alone warms the cockles of my heart.  Just picture it… Dick Cheney clapped in irons and led to face charges for crimes in a third world country.  A country that in fact operates on a different electrical system than ours.  They’d have to bring special 120V AC/DC adapters to hook-him-up to the life support he so undeservedly receives (in large part through American tax-payer “generosity”.)


That scum-sucking, thieving dirtball has the best health insurance in the world while being the least worthwhile recipient I can imagine.  Far finer souls die from preventable diseases everyday – like in Arizona, where republican governor, Jan Brewer has actually set-up a ‘death panel’ to weed-out financially needy organ-transplant patients based on their ability to pay in favor of the rich.  The same party that warned of death panels is in reality the first in line to rush and implement their lack of humanity — but once again I digress…

Dick Cheney isn’t being sought out by Interpol because he and Georgie, (the ass puppet) made decisions which effectively ended thousands upon thousands of lives in senseless wars.  Nor are they after him for the role he played in the destruction of the ecosystem in the Gulf of Mexico.  They’re not after him for his contributions to the collapse of the world economy, or the Valerie Plame ‘covert-spy’ outing — or for illegally invading a sovereign nation without provocation.  Not even the Enron scandal or Blackwater‘s crimes.  Maybe human-rights violations?  Wrong again.  Abu Grabe?  No — Cheney isn’t being sought for any of the countless despicable acts that have come so naturally as to define him.  Interpol’s warrant for Dick Cheney stems from a bribery scandal to secure offshore drilling rights off the coast of Nigeria — before he was even the vice president — or president of vice — it works either way.

I have it on good authority from the Prince of Nigeria, as well the son of the president of Nigeria and the Minister of Finance himself that their nation is in dire financial straights.  Even our WinnieToons email address gets countless daily pleas for us to wire them funds – or better yet, supply them with our direct bank account number so they can retrieve fortunes being withheld by dark, evil forces.  Who could that BE but Dick Cheney?  It’s sad when the royalty and aristocracy of a once proud nation are forced to beg for financial assistance from a man like me living below poverty-level on food stamps, 5332 miles away…  I am assured I will receive a hefty reward for my generosity (which as you may have already guessed will never be forthcoming).

I wasn’t born yesterday.

Nigeria is one of the most corrupt countries in the world, making it a more than fertile environment for the likes of Dick Cheney and his cronies to thrive.  When I heard scientists had found a bacteria that lives off arsenic, I immediately assumed it had to be Dick Cheney or a member of his family.

Liz perhaps…she’s pretty toxic.

Dick Cheney is the Machiavelli of our times.  Even if he dies, they’ll merely toss his corpse into the freeze-drier unit alongside the pitiful remains of Walt Disney — perhaps to thaw them both out just in time for ‘Rapture‘.  Well best of luck to you, Nigeria.  I hope you nail his ass, and make him a prison-bitch to some strapping tattooed buck for the remainder of his worthless days.

But I won’t be holding my breath.

Perhaps WikiLeaks or even George W. Bush’s latest fictional dramady, “Pointless Decisions” might offer additional evidence.  And when you’re done dickin’ with Dickie, deliver whatever’s left of him to the Hague.

But as I said, don’t hold your breath.  Some villains always manage to escape justice.

The “Touching” Story of Jack and Dottie

The Associated Press reported this morning that former Delaware senatorial nitwit and delusional bubble-brain, Christine O’Donnell seeks to stretch her fifteen minutes of fame to a full half-hour with the publication of her first book.  The book, according to O’Donnell will be about her experiences running from the truth while spilling her bitter tea.  But Winnie and Duck have received advance galleys via WikiLeaks, and have determined it’s actually a children’s book — a sort of cautionary tale, if you will…  So without further adieu, we are sharing the following manuscript:

*       *       *       *       *

The “Touching” Story of Jack and Dottie
by Pristine O’Donnell
© 2010, The George W. Bush Library

Little Jack Coffery and his girlfriend Dottie Diddle,
Only whipped-out their junk, when they both had to piddle.

One day whilst Jack stood peeing behind a grove of trees,
Dottie peeked ‘round to see what was hangin’ to his knees.

“Why do you stand to make-water whilst I squat on the ground?”
“I don’t know,” said little Jack, “but do ya’ wanna fool around?”

Just then the Lord appeared from nowhere, and smited poor Jack down,
With a vengeful bolt of lightening — left him dead upon the ground.

Distraught and grieving Dottie snapped a switch from the pee-tree,
And poked-it up her virgin’s hoo-hoo, like she’d been bitten by a flea.

KA-BOOM…!!! – the Lord thundered knocking Dottie off her feet.
“I shall not have thee playing with thyself — not even whilst in-heat”.

And so both poor children perished, having never gotten-off,
To spend an eternity ‘burning-in-hell’ at the Devil’s own trough.

The moral of our story, ‘witch’ should’ve never been written,
Is dittling and piddling behind tall trees, 

Causith the Lord to see you are smitten.

The End

In the name of the Blessed Virgin,

Please Use Your Power !

Make no mistake, I love Barack Obama.  If you disagree, you’ve already stopped reading. 

Such is American partisan thinking these days.

I believe Barack Obama is without remote challenge the bravest man in the world simply for stepping forward to take-on the disaster left in the wake of the Bush presidency, but I need to see more of that bravery for which I decidedly voted.  In the same breath he has the same weakness as most other democrats — he’s a gentleman playing-by-the-rules against an opponent party that has no morals, no sense of real-world future and no collective human heart.

Republicans will pile into church this coming Christmas and listen to sermons about peace, love and charity.  And by Boxing Day, they’ll be screwing the living daylights out of anyone less privileged than themselves — and casting aspersions toward the less privileged — as if those people have done something wrong for being poor.  More likely those republicans have done something wrong which has left them rich.

We’re living in an era of stark contrasts marked by the disparity between the classes – obscenely rich and devastingly poor with a rapidly diminishing middleclass inbetween.  I know a great many rich people, and among them I can’t think of one who would be so unpatriotic as to stonewall for tax-breaks for the rich while denying basic necessities to fellow American’s during a time of mass-hardship.  As more and more people drop off the middleclass-map into the abyss of poverty, I wonder if uber-rich republicans fully embrace the role of the middleclass as their own protective buffer between themselves and the festering rage which simmers within the terrifying world of hunger and poverty?

Ask Louis and Marie — or Nicolas and Alexandria…  Anything can be taken to the extreme, and wealth in extreme — not tempered by heart — historically leads to catastrophe.  It’s a form of insular indifference which has had dire consequences since the beginning of civilization.

If a family today can’t live on $250,000 a year, and hire a competent accountant to help see them through, then they deserve to be broke.  If you’re struggling and out of work because there is no work to be had through no fault of your own — that is an entirely different challenge.  A challange which would make anyone hunger for the bad old days of merely earning a quarter-million dollars a year.

Mitch McConnell and his cronies are willing to stall an extension of benefits for the less-privileged, and hold the poor hostage to retain the Bush tax breaks for the wealthy.  They will stonewall the ‘Start Nuclear Arms Treaty’ with Russia and vote against ANY worthwhile legislation (from the ‘Dream Act’ to ‘DADT’) during the lame-duck session of congress to insure that their children’s, children’s children will be secured a place among America’s wealthy royalty — just so long as they don’t have to witness the suffering first hand.  There are consequences to their greed, but the only consequence they seek is to bring about the failure of the Obama presidency to regain the White House for their own party in 2012.  It has nothing to do with the common good of the citizenry.

I want my president to fight these forces with all his might.  I want him to use the full power of his office like a master chess player.  Barack Obama is without question a brilliant man of the finest human qualities – and he has the patience of Job.  But PLEASE, sir, fight back ! I only hope that within his hesitation there’s a strategy which will become brilliantly apparent in hindsight…  But in real time, I don’t for the life of me know what that strategy might be.

The republican party is NEVER going to meet our president half-way.  I have watched Obama endure, with dignity, as republicans withdrew their hands in a receiving-line as he offered his hand in friendship and professionalism .  Not just metaphorically – but literally refuse his physical touch while captured on camera.  They’ve turned their backs to him and shown disrespect when invited to break-bread at the White House.  The republican party has lied, cheated, stolen and killed.  Wake-up, sir they are never going to come around to bipartisanship.  They irrationally hate you.  They’re committed to your failure.  You cannot reason with them.  Our only hope is the republicans will sink themselves, and that the American people will wake from their slumber to realize the grotesque evil and greed perpetrated by the republican party.

Ultimately the benefits for struggling Americans will be passed, and tax-breaks for the wealthy will have to be diminished, even as the republican party diminishes itself.

In the meantime, however, President Obama, feel free to raise your voice, weild your power and put your adversaries in their place.  If anyone can do that while still taking the high road, it’s you, Mr. President.  That is the hope which led us to cast our vote for you in the first place.